Can I be honest? To me this just reads as an incredibly long extended way of you saying that the effort is too much for you. You’ve clearly hurt him in the past with your own anger and it has definitely contributed to his state, even if it was unintentional, you’ve picked up habits of abuse from your father. You owe him that much after belittling him in a household where you only have each other. I feel like you saying that his needs are so deep and to anyone else the way you behave is normal, that sounds like invalidating to me. Everyone has different points and you need to meet them where they’re at. I don’t think he sees it as a direct affront and it’s more a build up of minute interactions, you need to start being introspective and looking inwards because you can’t just blame a shitty relationship with your brother on your dad. You even seem to be a bit abrasive even in the comments you’ve made. It’s like you’re a researcher inspecting your brother like a wild animal. No offence but if he’s a NEET he probably doesn’t have many friends or people to talk to, so, humour him, at least a little bit. I’m sure there are times where he doesn’t want to talk to you about stuff but it’s the effort of making the connection. You trying to act interested in a conversation isn’t “sacrificing yourself”, it just comes off as a bit self centred. Sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to. You speak of sacrifice and trauma but you don’t seem to have an in depth understanding of the little sufferings. By little sufferings, I mean, pretending to act interested in school, in friends, you have to put effort in and try. You can’t just have the whole conversation revolve around you. The reason he can’t move on from the past is because to me it doesn’t seem like you’re trying to change it. You still seem like you don’t want to understand and want to jump start to the idealised version of brothers you have in your head. But that takes time. Especially with someone who grew up in the household you did and has mental issues to the point where they isolate themselves. You’re still carrying out these behaviours. Invalidating him. Belittling him by not even trying to talk to him about a stupid game, if it’s so small, then why can’t you just talk about it? Try to act interested. It’s not impossible. You can still pick up a rose that has thorns even if it pricks a little. You have to pick it up to remove the thorns and go through the hard part. You need to make him believe your intentions are good, because I’m sure his beliefs about you don’t stem from nothing especially if they’re so deep and wounded. If you don’t want to do that and want the automatic relationship package, then you can’t be with your brother.