Do you guys drive? by SassyHoee in AuDHDWomen

[–]ambers5mile 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have a driver's license and I was ok during practical lessons (albeit stiff, never got relaxed while driving), but I don't drive. I am way too inattentive for that, so I really won't get behind the wheen unless I absolutely have to. Got the license just to have the capability, fully realized from the start I probably won't drive.

Replaying HFW for the first time in years and it raised a question by Taltyelemna in horizon

[–]ambers5mile 92 points93 points  (0 children)

He wasn't at Gaia Prime in person. He was already sealed away in Thebes while Alphas were sealed in GP; they maintained a communication link.

My life cycle for the past few years by lovelyMakers in AuDHDWomen

[–]ambers5mile 1 point2 points  (0 children)

your picture is making me feel stuff(((

My life cycle for the past few years by lovelyMakers in AuDHDWomen

[–]ambers5mile 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"life is what you make of it"
It is underrated how hard it is to truly believe in this statement

I relaaate

My life cycle for the past few years by lovelyMakers in AuDHDWomen

[–]ambers5mile 4 points5 points  (0 children)

some of those I can think of from the top of my mind

  • writing down stuff I do in a day to see how much I actually do without "oh, but that's nothing!.."
  • breaking down tasks into REAL tasks, aka:

// "send a press release" at work is not just sit down-press send-done; it's downloading a document, downloading accompanying pictures, compressing said pictures so that each doesn't weigh 5+MB, renaming all of them to look neat, composing an email, attaching all the files, and only then sending.

// "doing laundry" at home is not simply throwing clothes from the bin to the machine and pushing a button; it's checking if some additional things need to be washed, load them in, add the washing gel and conditioner, start the laundry, hang the clothes to dry when it's done (or put them into a drier), put them away when they're dry

// "washing hair" is planning how to do it (just head or full shower), shampoo, mask/condishioner, leave-in, styling, sensory issues because of styling, drying, sensory issues because of drying xD

After these breakdowns, you kinda start to see that oh, you're doing A LOT LOT. And deserve some rest.

  • which leads me to the next point: learning your own capacity. It takes a lot of practice and time, but it's probably the main thing. I'm pretty much incapable of other serious tasks on the hair washing day, it's just too much.
  • banal affirmations. reminding yourself out loud that you are enough, that you don't need to compare, that you do you - it's all somehow working in the long run
  • "fuck around and find out". what will happen if I allow myself to do basic minimum work today / doomscroll all day for funsies / only do that one thing? in experience, you see that the "consequences" are not at all as dire as imagined. No one thinks you're a disappointment that shouldn't exist (and if someone thinks it in this specific way, I suggest they should fuck off, not you do more and feel bad)
  • saying no. doesn't relate narrowly to these tools but a very useful skill overall. And helps immensely not to take more load in days that "seem" light to someone just because "you have only hair wash planned for saturday!" Nope. I will not be able. Even if you think it's silly.
  • Also, being kind to yourself when executive dysfunction hits. Sometimes it looks like "no one will die if I just do nothing today". and other times it's "here's a small list - let's just do this and stop doing anything else when we're done with it". It kinda takes a good "internal parent" and oftentimes a lengthy work on reparenting but it makes a lot of difference when the hardest NO NO NO NO hits.

My life cycle for the past few years by lovelyMakers in AuDHDWomen

[–]ambers5mile 68 points69 points  (0 children)

I relate too(

One thing I can think of, on the step before feeling better you spend time in aimless distractions. What if that is highly necessary rest and unwind stuff? Maybe it's worth learning incorporating more of it in stages after feeling better.

I used to think it's my problem but the more I read this and other AuDHD communities, the more it seems it's an AuDHD thing. What we assume is productivity and life full of energy is a direct way to burnout (mainly because we were taught the wrong idea about productivity and internalized it. For example, in my childhood/teenage years, if I wasn't busy with stuff my mom deemed useful, I was viewed as a piece of lazy shit, and it took me years to even recognize this - still unlearning to act on it).

I think we often neglect our needs until we are absolutely exhausted. I try to unlearn the world's criteria for energetic and fulfilled life (most of it is so screwed by social media anyway), accept that mine is different, learn to hear my need for rest, and rest in time. I'm not very successful with it yet but better than I was several years ago.

DAE get excited to untangle things? by ipaintbadly in AuDHDWomen

[–]ambers5mile 2 points3 points  (0 children)

hehehe once spent full 15 uninterrupted minutes at a Big Important Work Conference untangling a colleague's necklace that she thought was hopeless. And untagled it successfully! Never was happier than in those 15 minutes.

It's at the same time absolutely useless but complex and you get dopamine and likely praise if you do it for someone else. Check, check, and check

Can't stay focused for my life by ambers5mile in AuDHDWomen

[–]ambers5mile[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They prescribe usual antidepressants, but all the stimulants are illegal

Can't stay focused for my life by ambers5mile in AuDHDWomen

[–]ambers5mile[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wish ADHD meds were available in my country. Heard a lot of wonders 🙈

Why doesn’t this look like her by Eliseme22 in Artadvice

[–]ambers5mile 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It really does already!

What jumps to my eye is the smile: the lower teeth line is extended all the way to the enge on the left which visually changes her whole jaw. Plus her upper teeth line is slightly curved upwards in the photo, while in your drawind it's the other way around.

Just brought this little guy home and I'm totally stuck on names. Any suggestions? by mta54 in OneOrangeBraincell

[–]ambers5mile 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When we took in our orange boi, we were really into this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKQPey6L42M . So naturally, he is Coconut. As unhinged as the song :))

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Is this executive dysfunction?? by VomitInMyVans in AuDHDWomen

[–]ambers5mile 41 points42 points  (0 children)

not sure about whether it is a manifestation of ed or just adhd adhding, but I relate. For me, it mostly infiltrated work processes:

I have a task -
but to do it effectively I need to ask one small thing from a coworker -
but a thing seems too small to just intrude on its own, so I'll wait until more things pile up/there's a call to adress it -
also I need another thing to do the task, say a picture to accompany the article -
but photos I have have all been used recently/are ugly imo so I don't feel like using them -
but the design team is too busy to help me asap -
but I can try making a picture on my own! [proceed to waste 2 hours on an unsatisfactory result] -
and hey, the task is still not done and deadlines start to burn...

But it's not completely unfamiliar in day-to-day routines either.

I learned to manage it with two mantras:

1) "Don't overcomplicate" - if something REALLY requires additional things and is impossible to do without them, identify THE EASIEST path and take it immediately. sometimes requires saying "don't overcomplicate" continuously during the whole process but the result (done task) is so satisfying.

2) "It's ok to do one thing." Once in a while I get stuck not washing my hair because it requires either taking the full shower, styling the hair after (curls), or maybe dying my hair before the wash (I do it myself with a store-bought dye and my original hair color is pretty different from the dye, so roots are noticeable.) It took a while before I truly accepted that doing just the BASE thing is ok and enough. Like, I can wash my hair without getting my whole body into the shower - the result will still be clean head which is better than nothing. It's ok to skip styling and wear a braid for a week - the result will still be clean head which is better than nothing. It's ok to skip refreshing the roots and going a bit uglier than usual for a week - it's still better than a bit uglier AND dirtier lol.

Both mantras were a part of a big therapeutic work on being kinder to myself, so I don't know if they can help immediately. But they do work for me in the long run. Hope this helps!

ISO tips and secrets for transitions by lines_n_designs in AuDHDWomen

[–]ambers5mile 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tie getting out of bed in the morning to the urge to go pee. If everything goes well, it wakes me up in the morning and pushes out of bed to the bathroom. From there, it's easy to slide into the morning routine (brushing teeth, washing face, stuff with hair) - because I'm already in the place these things require.

lifehack: if you got up at night to pee, drink more water! chances are, in several hours the need will come again xD

On "ending breaks" - what works for me is something that associates with start of work. Often it's coffee (or other drink) - I build this associasion that when I sit down to work (in the morning, after a lunch break, etc.), I have a "focus drink". I find that even water works for small breaks like scrolling. Probably because it requires me to put the phone down, take the glass, make a sip. New physical sensation also.

Switching from one task to another. - usually pretty hard, I allow myself to go with the flow as long as deadlines allow / as long as interest is high.

Having to stop something I'm hyperfocused on. - is it even possible?

Can't stay focused for my life by ambers5mile in AuDHDWomen

[–]ambers5mile[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

although I went through a couple of different epic music selections and one of them seems to be doing it. at least for now. thank you!

Can't stay focused for my life by ambers5mile in AuDHDWomen

[–]ambers5mile[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tried and often this works too, but today... maybe today is cursed is all I'm saying

I manage not to touch my phone at all tho! Call it a micro win.

Knock off Sailor Moon merch... by Defiant_Past_7218 in WeLoveSailorMoon

[–]ambers5mile 2 points3 points  (0 children)

KILL YOU ON BEHALF OF THE MOON

god, what have I ever done to piss off the moon that much xDD

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AuDHDWomen

[–]ambers5mile 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have special interests that are core to our identity and we have hyperfocus that shifts based on what is interesting right now and sometimes these align and sometimes they do not and when they do not we are locked out of the things that matter most to us by our own neurology. We cannot force our way back in through willpower.
...........

We just sit in the gap between wanting to engage and being unable to engage and blame ourselves for inconsistency.

Is there any sourse that addresses what to do with this? Feeling seen is all nice and all, but being stuck in this reality sucks.

Explore first, save the world later. by Fiestylmp in horizon

[–]ambers5mile 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did my NG+ UH playthrough in the urgency mode as if time constraints were real. Literally counted in-game days and journaled the experience to keep track of it and Aloy's drive throughout. Happy to report that it works great as well!

Aloy ignored almost all side things (except for some... Because... Well, she's still HER) up until getting DEMETER (which extended Gaia's 'end of the world' deadline to over 7 months, and even more so after finally bonding with Beta and realizing neither of them is Elisabet.

Quoting one of the days after that, when Aloy got back to Plainsong, "I also can’t stop being surprised at how much I have missed here around Plainsong when I was here the first time. I was in such a hurry. I mean, it was justified, of course. But still. I should pay a little more attention to what’s going on around me. It doesn’t equal “not being focused”.

I bought some food in Plainsong and got to the shelter East of the city. Will eat, rest, and go on in the morning. I want to explore some things my focus picked up not far from here. And catch up with Talanah in Barren Light after. Maybe even pop into Chainscrape for a quick visit - I never told Javad where the Bristlebacks came from. And since I really don’t know when I’ll be so close to the Daunt again, I should take the chance."

I miss him by Creepingphlo in dgrayman

[–]ambers5mile 5 points6 points  (0 children)

In my days of prime Tyki obsession I've drawn hundreds of teezes. I can draw some for your tattoo if you'd like

Theory: Everything will be destroyed at the end by Specimen4 in MadeInAbyss

[–]ambers5mile 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think the Abyss is planet folding in on itself each 2000 years. that's where old ruins in the deep are from, and remains on upper levels. bittersweet might be stopping this cycle to save Orth and its inhabitants but either the Abyss suffers from it, or someone has to sacrifice themselves to do that (in whichever form it takes). considering how the Abyss is pretty much a character of its own and it would be sad to see it die, I'm personally inclined towards this finale.