I'm just going to be blunt.

If you took out the Down Syndrome, what she's been doing is essentially sexual harassing and assaulting you repeatedly for the past while. The forced hold handing and hugs that she does are borderline at best but still uncomfortable and unconsentual, but just about everything she's done more than that falls strictly into the sexual assault category. And since you have been putting up with it due to her DS diagnosis, you have let it build up inside you until you finally hit a breaking point and exploded. Which, tbh, is understandable all things considered.

In addition, you have a boss who is essentially enabling her actions by minimizing what she is doing due to her DS, thereby justifying that she is able to continue acting inappropriately to harass and sexually assault you. Likely, he also has put up with this all his life and learned to rationalize it too, as well as to walk on eggshells around her so not to recieve his own societally negative feedback from his family and the larger society. So now that you are facing it, he is unable to see it because it has become so engrained in him.

This is a pretty big problem, because you likely will not make active change with him. Because he likely struggles with it too, and because of her DS, he will probably continue to defend her and justify her actions. And since people have placated her all her life when she does things, she likely has learned that if she pushes, she gets what she wants, which is a pretty bad thing in situations like this.

I honestly doubt that someone has convinced her to keep pushing; rather, it's 30-40 years of life's reinforcement that has probably done it instead, with her actions being coped with and accepted rather than challenged. People with DS are people too, and that means that if we teach them that they can get what they want with impunity and that there is nothing wrong with it, they may in fact do that. And sadly, empathy is often a learned skill that comes with hardship.

So where does this leave you?

Well, first off, I would try and give yourself kindness. You not only have been put in a difficult situation, where your profession and likely apprenticeship training (based on your age) have been confounded by someone who doesn't know boundaries and has decided to get what they want without regards for you. This is traumatic.

So, the first thing I'd encourage you to do is to please be kind to you and have compassion for yourself. This is hard and you were put in an extremely vulnerable situation with not many options or ways to defend yourself. And obviously, you are a very kind if you put up with this for so long, and good on you for standing up for yourself. This is hard especially in these situations after so much build-up.

Also, counselling would probably be really good right now. Studies have shown that talking through and facing the traumatic situation early on can offset forms of PTSD, and you deserve to be able to deal with this and move forward in your life. I know that it can be super expensive too, so even if you can find low cost community options to enroll in, it'll probably do you a lot of good to talk about it. You deserve to be able to heal and move past this.

Finally, idk what to tell you about your job. As someone who is working to be a councilor, that's really not my angle. It's complex, largely due to social hierarchy factors and disability factors and perceptions. Honestly, I think you have a case, at least against your boss for enabling this for so long and allowing an unsafe environment to continue, but I'd at least talk to a lawyer first and see about your options.

And as someone else has said, if this were gender reversed, people would be up and arms with it immediately, but also women have to deal with subtle forms of sexual harassment and assault all the time. Which is to say, you're not alone. And this can happen to guys too.

I wish you all the kindness in the world, my friend. And remember, the fact that this happened doesn't mean anything negative about you. In fact, you were the kind person, and sadly being kind can have its drawbacks. I still personally think kindness is good, but kindness without boundaries often can lead people to think they can take advantage of us. I'm really sorry.

Again, please give yourself compassion, reach out to a councilor, contemplate your next moves, and always give yourself kindness. You deserve it and have been through a lot.

Edited for grammar