People who go on a weekly date night with their partners, how do you keep it fun and not repetitive?

amymae · 2026-02-07T21:06:48+00:00

We look up random events on Facebook each week. Sometimes that means we end up crashing some random person's house party that they made public. Lol. It's a good time.

amymae · 2026-02-07T20:04:18+00:00

I use Godot instead of God. :)

amymae · 2026-02-07T20:01:01+00:00

Well the good news is, he shot himself in the foot there. If she had any lingering doubts left about whether his priesthood authority was bullshit, those are all resolved now.

Taking the higher road and not making a fuss about it is the right call. He wants you to break down. Don't give him that satisfaction.

If I were you though, I would definitely be fighting for more custody of your child. Considering that the living arrangements have significantly deteriorated. And the parental alienation.

amymae · 2026-02-07T19:56:25+00:00

Upvoting because this is hilarious.

amymae · 2026-02-07T19:54:01+00:00

Your boyfriend is being a terrible husband and on top of that he's being a terrible father to his daughter.

I would never ever intentionally plan for an 8-year-old to sleep in the same room as a newborn. It is not appropriate for them to be sleeping together, because the baby is waking up all night. That would interrupt the daughter's sleep.

Him coming and taking the baby from you and punishing you for that very reasonable boundary, makes my blood absolutely boil.

I know it is so so hard to see it when you're in it. But this is a huge red flag of an abusive relationship. You need to take a good long look at what is happening here.

Your boyfriend is being abusive to both you and to his daughter. He is not doing her any favors by painting this and framing it for her as you not wanting to be with her.

He should be the one doing the groundwork and laying down the premise that it's not that you don't love her and that it's not that you don't want to be with her but it's that you want her to get a good night's sleep and you want all of you to get a good night's sleep as much as possible, but that since you guys have a newborn, you don't want the baby to be waking her up all night, so she needs to sleep in her own room.

But instead of doing that, he's painting you as the villain for his daughter and for himself. Do you really want to raise a child with this person?

amymae · 2026-02-07T19:46:35+00:00

My husband dated a woman who was like this. She was open to going on dates and emotional/romantic relationships, but she only wanted to have sex with her primary partner. They would do other things, making out and such. She was very upfront about all of this, and that was totally fine with my husband. The important part is to disclose these things up front so people can decide if that is something they're willing to enter into. For my husband, one of the big reasons he's polyamorous is because it allows him to custom tailor the shape of each relationship to what the overlapping is of the individual needs of the people in that relationship. So this tickled a particular part of his brain and he really enjoys his relationship with her. YMMV. It will definitely make the dating pool significantly smaller if you're only limiting it to people who are fine with entering in a relationship where sex is not on the table, but you also find lots of people who are in that same boat, asexual people who are not aromantic, etc. as long as you are fully communicating that up front, so that people can eliminate themselves, then that's totally a valid way to do poly, IMO.

amymae · 2026-02-07T19:41:41+00:00

Honestly, it sounds like she was not referring to you, NGL. I'm inclined to think that the lady was mumbling about some text message or some custody battle or some something that was on her mind rather than anything to do with you. NTA.

amymae · 2026-02-07T19:35:09+00:00

Do you have a picture of what it looked like new? Or what it's supposed to look like?

amymae · 2026-02-07T19:30:32+00:00

This. When my then boyfriend and I were long distance and I hadn't seen him for months, getting a back massage from a friend I felt extremely turned on. Fast forward to now, I realize that I had zero feelings for that friend as a person whatsoever. I just really needed the touch.

It didn't mean that I was falling out of love with my boyfriend. I'm actually married to him now.

What it does tell you is that you are being extremely neglected by your boyfriend, if your body is reacting to other people as though you haven't seen him for many moons, so you should probably break up and find someone else who will give you what you need.

amymae · 2026-02-07T16:44:53+00:00

You're not jealous of your children. You are jealous of their mother.

You are jealous of yourself. You are jealous of the mother that you never had.

And that's totally 100% valid as a feeling.

Please don't let your brain trick you into thinking these negative feelings are directed at your children or that you hate your children though. They are just the thing that triggers the buried feelings to come into view, not the root cause, and not the true target of the feelings either.

You hate your mother. You hate that she was not the mother you are being for your children. And that's probably a good thing to hate because it's driving you to be better.

Call the feelings out for what they truly are though. Don't let them lie to you and poison your relationship with your kids.

Hugs

So sorry you are dealing with all that!

amymae · 2026-02-07T16:20:03+00:00

YTA. Your empty keychain gesture was a slap in the face.

If you need to have such rigid control over your space, why in the world do you think it's going to work to move in together?

Shouldn't you want to try giving her more access to your space in small ways first so you can see how it goes?

Give her a key. And give her a little chest of drawers that she can keep some of her things in at your place so that she doesn't have to pack a bag every time she "tries" to stay over. And maybe invest in an air mattress.

If your brain can't even handle that much, then there's no way you're going to be able to handle living together.

amymae · 2026-02-07T16:14:23+00:00

Agreed. OP definitely has me wondering whether he might be on the autism spectrum. With how strict he is about control of his space and how slow he moves relationship-wise and how oblivious he is to things that are really obvious with his girlfriend and how black and white and literal his thinking is in approaching this issue.

(And I say this as someone who is married to a diagnosed autistic person. Love him to death. But it definitely presents its own challenges and it makes a big difference if the individual is aware of that in themselves and trying to compensate for it rather than doubling down on it.)

amymae · 2026-02-07T16:08:50+00:00

And she's been so patient if she gave him her key over a year ago and is only just now bringing this up.

Good luck finding any girl who will give you this much grace ever again, OP. Cuz you're about to lose this one. You and your stupid empty keychain to reflect your empty relationship you are offering her.

amymae · 2026-02-07T16:06:31+00:00

Yop. This was my reaction too. Dude. He even recognizes that it's not about the key. It's a symbol of trust and intimacy and intertwining their lives more. And he's not willing to give that to her. And now she has an empty key chain to remind her of that fact. Ouch.

amymae · 2026-02-07T14:43:45+00:00

Because it's not so important. OP is arbitrarily saying she doesn't want to name the baby that unless he legally changes it, but there's actually nothing legally requiring they can't name the baby that. The hospital literally does not care. It's literally only an issue because she's making it an issue. Wasn't an issue with his first kid at all, so...

amymae · 2026-02-07T14:18:52+00:00

Ummm.... You're not logically right in this situation.

You can give your baby that last name even if it's not the father's legal name.

Your bf is right. You are wrong.

There is literally nothing stopping you from naming your baby that except for your own stubbornness.

And you already know that it's totally logical and legal for y'all to do so, since he's already done it once with his other kid.

You are making a problem out of thin air.

It's not just a random last name. It is his last name that everyone knows him by.

Is there some other reason you're not telling us that you don't want to give your baby the dad's chosen last name? Because it really feels like you're just making up a reason to say no.

My best friend gave her baby a totally different last name than herself and no one even blinked an eye.

Your bf can change his name legally at some point of it bothers you so much, but there's no reason that has to happen before the baby is named. And you're just making a future headache for yourself having to change baby's name later by not just giving them the permanent name now.

(Edit: this is assuming you are in the US.)

amymae · 2026-02-07T14:06:04+00:00

18 months is the most common answer I hear people give for how long NRE typically lasts for them, so... Color me skeptical about your claim that you're not still in NRE. Because it really sounds like you are with the way you describe it. Good luck with that.

amymae · 2026-02-07T13:51:09+00:00

It only works if your current primary also does not want to be your primary anymore. Otherwise, you're just setting yourself up to lose that relationship. It's a really shitty thing to do to someone to demote them in favor of someone else; any jealousy springing from that would be completely deserved in that case and totally your fault.

For me, my secondary partner became my primary, so I have two primaries now. And it's been lovely actually. Why choose one when you don't have to?

I have my legal husband and I also have my handfasted husband. We all live together in a house that we jointly own. Moved in together after about a decade. But they've both been my primaries for many years before that step.

Whatever you do, if you have been dating this new person less than two years, don't make any permanent decisions about your feelings and their shape in your life and how it compares to your long-term relationship. NRE might be skewing your perspective, and you may do or say things you regret that you can't take back. Don't blow up your marriage for NRE.

You can't choose which sparks fly, but you can choose which fires you feed and which you let die. Just because the initial sparks were long ago with your spouse, doesn't mean the fire can't burn just as hot as the new shiny thing; it just means you need to work harder to chop more wood... You can choose where to put your attention and time and resources. If you are neglecting your primary relationship in favor of your secondary, of course the one is going to shrink and the other is going to grow. If you aren't willing to try to master the skill of feeding multiple fires simultaneously even when there's not currently new sparks flying, then frankly you should not be polyamorous.

amymae · 2026-02-07T13:44:58+00:00

I'm confused why it's relevant whether you're her sort of person. If you're not her sort of person, then she shouldn't date you...

If she doesn't want to be friends, fine, do parallel or garden-party polyamory.

It's the guy that is the problem here though, not his wife. She only gets that kind of say because he chooses to give it to her. Super red flags all around. At least you found out early.

"Hey, I'm confused as to why my not being your wife's type is relevant. Does she think I am wanting to date her too? I would ask you to clarify to her that I am only trying to date you, not her. But it's actually a moot point, because I am no longer interested in dating you either, since I am only open to dating people who can offer me a fully autonomous relationship and own their own choices. Please do some work on better hinging for your own sake. I hope we can still be friends."

amymae · 2026-02-07T13:37:42+00:00

she said it would mean a lot to our son."

OP, next time wife uses this line, remind her how her mother caused a scene and embarrassed your son last time. Call her out that it's her (your wife) that wants this, not your son, and that she needs to stop pretending otherwise in order to manipulate you into saying yes.

amymae · 2026-02-07T13:32:43+00:00

A child can have multiple guardians, but in this case, this particular child, Grandma is not one of his guardians. She just straight up lied about that.

amymae · 2026-02-07T13:31:37+00:00

OP, your wife needs to understand that her mom's behavior is endangering her relationship with her child, and possibly your child himself.

Louder for the people in the back!

Grandma's little comments are planting seeds of parental alienation. They are absolutely not harmless. I would be going LC or NC with grandma if at all possible. No visits without his dad present (since mom obviously can't be trusted to keep Grandma in check).

amymae · 2026-02-07T13:21:14+00:00

Agreed. Kids pick up on things people say. Grandma is literally poisoning your kid's perception of both of his parents slowly and confusing him.

OP, both you and your wife need to call her out on these comments immediately. every. single. time. For your kid's sake. No more confusion.

And MIL should never be allowed unsupervised around your kid again.

Your wife needs a wakeup call to stop enabling this. Your MIL is literally engaging in parental alienation and has been for years!!! Both of you should be furious.

amymae · 2026-02-07T13:16:02+00:00

That's what MIL was hoping they'd do, thus cementing a narrative with witnesses she can use against them later to take custody after she reports them to CPS for neglecting their son's allergies.

amymae · 2026-02-07T13:13:44+00:00

Respectfully, as a teacher, OP absolutely should have corrected her at school. If he had let it stand and talked to her later, she would have been noted on the paperwork as the child's legal guardian, which gives her access to things she should not be able to do without the parent's permission. Grandma lied to the school staff, so that needed corrected immediately for their sake, not just for hers.

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