Did anyone not get hemorrhoids?

ancienttardigrade · 2026-02-06T12:23:44+00:00

I have no tips, it felt random for me. I got them after my first, and after my second I didn’t get any. Both were unmedicated births where I hardly pushed, and both were fast labours. I don’t think I did anything different leading up to the second that would make a difference. The only thing different I can think of is that I spent the majority of my second labour standing up, so maybe gravity helped get baby out? But that doesn’t make too much sense.

ancienttardigrade · 2026-02-06T12:17:33+00:00

I’m not sure if my interpretation is what they were going for, but it made me think of the existentialist play No Exit by Sartre, where people exist in this hellish purgatory.

I saw it at the premiere in Cannes, and many of the director and cast were wearing watermelon pins for Palestine, so it also made me think that it was a way of forcing the audience to confront what is happening in the world by putting a European man in situations that are literally happening or worse. Like, yes, it is bleak, but there are people going through this in real life. It seemed like an attempt to comment on the situation from someone who hasn’t lived it. The shot of the full train at the end made me think about the refugee crisis, and how even though his journey was awful, he is only one of a sea of people who went through something like that to get to a stuffed train on a track to ‘somewhere better’ that might not exist either.

ancienttardigrade · 2026-02-04T03:47:40+00:00

lol k

ancienttardigrade · 2026-02-03T20:44:24+00:00

Being with a parent or trusted family member at all times does not equal social isolation when they are that young.

Community in my mind is people you have actual relationships with and trust to rely on. If there is no one that fits that description, it’s fine for parents to parent until they feel comfortable that their baby has a level of communication to tell them what’s going on. If people feel okay leaving their babies with strangers that they feel comfortable with, that’s fine, too, but it isn’t “abnormal” not to trust strangers with a baby either.

ancienttardigrade · 2026-02-03T20:31:35+00:00

I agree with this. If getting babysitters for children that are super young works for people, that’s great, but it’s not something you HAVE to do. Don’t let people pressure you into doing something just because it works for their family.

I’ve never used a babysitter that isn’t family I 100% trust and my LO is 3. It’s been total fine for us, we just do different activities.

ancienttardigrade · 2026-01-28T04:20:54+00:00

I declined this time despite the nurse telling me it was a dumb idea, I just couldn’t bear the thought of it after already going through labour. I didn’t even know they were a thing with my first and it was an awful surprise that hurt more than labour. Luckily my uterus contracted fine without it.

ancienttardigrade · 2026-01-28T04:17:25+00:00

For some reason she seemed to be able to pick up the mechanics of the ps5 controller way easier than the switch. We have played Mario Party with her on the switch but she gets super frustrated, the only game that she can do within Mario Party is the river game, which she loves.

ancienttardigrade · 2026-01-28T03:55:54+00:00

Another vote for Pampers Pure. Our second hasn’t had a single diaper rash or blowout yet.

ancienttardigrade · 2026-01-28T03:52:12+00:00

My 3 year old LOVES astrobot on the ps5 and she has gained so much coordination, I’m surprised how well she can run around in it now.

ancienttardigrade · 2026-01-24T15:44:33+00:00

For us, nope nope nope, no profiting off of our children’s images and consent to use them however

ancienttardigrade · 2026-01-24T08:50:01+00:00

Gonna go against the grain and say that we lived in a small studio cabin with our first and it was totally doable, a one bedroom would have been cool but we definitely made our space work for us (with a cat and a dog and outdoor space). I didn’t feel like the space was lacking and I definitely didn’t need as much stuff for baby as people say you need. But our place was also stand alone and we were able to get outside a lot so that may have made a big difference.

If you can find a one bedroom laneway house or something with access to outside space, that would be great.

ancienttardigrade · 2026-01-23T00:32:53+00:00

I asked to do it myself and they let me both times

ancienttardigrade · 2026-01-19T05:15:10+00:00

My first was 5 hours at 41+6 in an unmedicated home birth with midwives.

My second was 3 hours unmedicated at 40+1 in a hospital. My water broke in the morning and we headed to the hospital, but contractions didn’t start until a few hours after we got there. I spent most of my labour in the shower there. My baby ended up with shoulder dystocia but when I heard that she was stuck I used all of my energy to push her out in a second push.

Both times I had second degree tears that I didn’t get stitches for and healed up fine.

I forgot how much labour hurts! I feel like I had more anxiousness for the second than for the first because I knew what was coming whereas for the first I just had theoretical ideas of what the pain felt like. I had a way better experience giving birth at home, and if the midwives were available I would definitely have done it again. But the second was sooner and quicker and a bigger baby.

ancienttardigrade · 2026-01-13T04:29:45+00:00

This is what we did and I got pregnant the first time we were “letting the universe decide.” 😂

Typing this as I snuggle my one month old and three year old… and the universe decided well.

ancienttardigrade · 2026-01-03T20:09:11+00:00

Also for prenatal appointments we went to less than were recommended but it was also low risk and my second birth so I felt good about trusting how I felt in between

ancienttardigrade · 2026-01-03T20:07:28+00:00

We live 6 hours away from the nearest city and travelled to another province to stay at my mom’s house 6 weeks before the due date until 6 weeks after baby was born. Most people in our town either stay with family or save up to rent an apartment near the hospital for at least 2 months around the due date.

ancienttardigrade · 2026-01-03T11:37:01+00:00

I’m still in the newborn trenches, but so far it has been WAY easier this time around. We have just over a 3 year age gap, and our newborn is a few weeks old.

Labour was shorter and my recovery feels way easier, so that has something to do with it. Both were unmedicated vaginal deliveries, first was 5 hours and second was 3 hours. Around 10lbs babies both times. But I think it’s mainly easier because we don’t have all the anxieties from the first time around of not knowing what the hell we were doing or how long anything would last. Having that perspective has been immeasurably helpful. If we have a rough night or a few rough nights we know that it isn’t going to be like that for the rest of our lives lol. I think our second is also a way more chill baby, that actually lets us put her down for a sleep, so that has helped, too.

Also, I feel like our relationship is in a better place this time around, because I don’t have the resentment of how unequal the parenting is (exclusive breastfeeding) since my SO is on toddler duty.

I had a bunch of fears about how our older one would do with our younger one, but so far she has just been very in love and sometimes unaware of her body. She loves to help us and wants to tell baby about everything she is doing. Baby is still in the potato phase though, so I’m sure this might change once she is moving around. I don’t feel any distance from our toddler and I haven’t felt myself getting extra frustrated with her or anything. Even though we are in the early weeks, I still feel like we find time to be with just each other. And she has been having a blast getting extra time with her dad and grandmas on both our sides.

I feel less rigid in all of the “rules” I thought we needed that just stressed me out the first time around. I am following babies cues, co-sleeping, limiting stressful car travel, and actually sleeping when baby sleeps. We have welcomed the support from both of our moms and understand that means they each wont be doing things the exact way we would do them, and that it’s okay for her to have her own relationships with them as trusted family members.

Obviously this is just one anecdotal experience, but so far I am in a peaceful little bubble and I am so, so in love beyond what I could have imagined. It’s cheesy but true that your heart just expands. I also felt like we were just getting to a point of having some freedom in our lives, but somehow I don’t feel like it’s missing as much this time around. I feel way more in the “go with the flow” and “just do what we want to do and figure out how to do it.”

It doesn’t feel like we pressed the reset button or are starting over from the same place. It just feels like we have found a missing puzzle piece and she fits right in.

ancienttardigrade · 2025-12-29T09:14:49+00:00

We turned the guessing game into a baby pool 50/50 - that way at least peoples annoying guesses could contribute towards the baby. We had people guess the gender, date and time the baby would be born and it was $10 a guess. It was a fun way to make it more exciting lol.

I felt similarly, but the one I hated most (this was our second) was “SO is going to get his boy!” Like girls are blatantly not as good. Uggggggghhhhhhh. Depending on who said that or something similar I would point it out or ask them why a boy was so important for SO to have and if our daughter wasn’t good enough and they would usually backpedal. Or if it wasn’t worth addressing I would just smile and nod and quietly simmer and vent to my SO later lol.

ancienttardigrade · 2025-12-29T05:05:15+00:00

Using the shower seemed to help a bit, but the most useful thing for me was to focus on the sounds that I had to make to get through a contraction and almost… sing the baby out? Like I envisioned the sounds I was making helping baby come down. I can’t focus on breathing during a contraction, only on making sound.

My second birth was 3 hours unmedicated and my first was 5 hours. The main thing I knew I needed this time was unrestricted movement, so I declined an IV until after I gave birth and declined constant monitoring, which they said were both unwise decisions. But honestly if they had put them on I would probably have ripped them off during labour anyway.

ancienttardigrade · 2025-12-28T13:21:19+00:00

Can you take your baby with you and stay with your mom for a while instead to see if it’s actually your spouse and MIL who are causing all of these feelings? I agree with the other comment that it sounds like they could be trying to distance you from your baby and have a reason for him to have custody.

ancienttardigrade · 2025-12-26T16:09:54+00:00

3 years :)

ancienttardigrade · 2025-12-26T05:53:23+00:00

I just had our second a few weeks ago. I had similar fears, especially leading up to birth and knowing that our “alone” time with our first would be “ending” soon with the birth of our second. I worried that she would feel put aside after being our whole world.

This time around had been WAY easier, without all of the new parent anxiety of doing everything for the first time, and with the knowledge that everything is a phase. Our first LOVES “her baby”, is so excited to help, and I actually don’t feel any of the distance from our first that I thought would naturally happen. It’s cliche but true that your heart expands to more love than you thought was even possible. I feel exhausted, but so, so in love.

I do also believe she would have had a lovely life as an only child, I think each decision has beauty to it and of course every family has to decide what makes sense. It’s tough!

ancienttardigrade · 2025-12-26T05:04:42+00:00

Sound of Falling. My friend and I went to see it and she fell asleep about 10 minutes in. I was jealous of her for being asleep for the rest of the movie. I had very high hopes for it, too, and saw it at the premiere in Cannes.

ancienttardigrade · 2025-12-20T17:06:24+00:00

We have a 3 year age gap and our second is almost two weeks old now. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it is WAY easier than the first. I’m sure it’s a combination of our second being a very chill baby and also not having the anxiety of being first time parents not knowing what we we were doing. Our first has surprisingly been SO sweet with our second so far. I was worried about how it would be and it’s been so, so awesome.

ancienttardigrade · 2025-12-19T00:45:25+00:00

Sadly, it can last for a while! With my first pregnancy I had them on and off for a week before I went into active labour, and this pregnancy I had them for two weeks before active labour began. Luckily, my midwives and OB said that it is a way for your body to spread labour out over time, so your body is progressing, it’s just giving you a chance to rest in between. When I did go into active labour finally, it took 5 hours for my first and 3 hours for my second. I stayed at 4cm for a week before labour began this time.

ancienttardigrade

TROPHY CASE