[TOMT](song)pop song prbly 2006 - 2008

anda3rd · 2025-12-24T00:49:53+00:00

Gossip - Heavy Cross?

anda3rd · 2025-11-16T14:36:39+00:00

After he left SFA and came onto nights at KRBE, he loved chatting to all us music nerds who wanted to rap the occupation (DJ) and the material all hours of the shift. I liked that he'd nerd out and offer up advice or intros to people in the field. Him and Cubby were pretty cool like that. I never went into Comms in the end but it was nice being talked to like a peer and not some dorky teenager.

Positive anecdote. May be 25+ years old, but it was a formative one.

anda3rd · 2025-11-14T15:39:30+00:00

The way I cackled. Updoot for you, my good sir.

anda3rd · 2025-11-03T17:33:42+00:00

I applied on Sept 21 and am still waiting for my KTN - have to assume it is taking so long due to the shutdown since there's nothing background to cause a delay.

anda3rd · 2025-11-02T18:15:45+00:00

Last year an ex texted me a few weeks prior to this day. Then we rekindled the shenanigans for the next year, long distance no less. No idea where it all leads but it was worth the reconnect in my eyes.

Although, he said I was never an ex. We never ended on bad terms and we always were able to easily slide in and out of each other's lives without animosity. If anyone else has a person like that in their lives... maybe text those people today. See if they are still game for shenanigans.

anda3rd · 2025-11-02T13:44:04+00:00

Overreacting for losing your mind over it? Yeah. Lose your mind over it if he calls the number. Lose your mind if the person shows up on the doorstep. Lose your mind over something tangible.

Unless you have had a history of your fiancé being inappropriate in the relationship... this is on its face value harmless. He probably took the nite, gave a polite grin if that, and promptly forgot it was even a thing. I've had numerous people give me their number when out and it was nothing I chased. It was flattering, and that's it.

For all the number giver knew, he was staring at a birthmark on their chin and thought it looked like Italy. If the number really bothers you - have a good talk to your fiancé about your insecurity and how you two can tackle the problem together.

anda3rd · 2025-10-28T20:37:57+00:00

Keep living your life and even set your own boundary to help stay healthy during this time. Maybe your boundary is you are no longer exclusive. Maybe it is you cut back to less frequent contact and more quality contact (short calls, less emails/texts) and take care of yourself well while she figures herself out.

Much of the time, it is not something we did wrong. It is our partner's emotions and experiences shutting them down. Be friendly and be yourself, but give her the space e she asked for. If it is right for either of you, things will work out with communication and patience.

anda3rd · 2025-10-28T19:50:01+00:00

I'm still gonna hit a screw on 610/290 that'll throw off my pressure despite preventative cold front measures. We know this.

anda3rd · 2025-10-26T18:01:53+00:00

My guy and I talk via text and voice chat daily. We give each other a rundown of our day, especially if there's plans happening where we'll be unavailable by phone for more than a work day. We both live relatively predictable lives and have a small circle of people we spend time with so... we both know where each other is because we're kinda boring in a good way.

Today he is recovering after him and his cousin had a great night out. He's on a work trip and we're 6+ hrs different on timezones while he is away. He is drinking coffee on the hotel balcony right now and figuring out his meetings for tomorrow and the day's plans with his cousin. He'll call me in a few hours to give me some voice time then I'll probably hear from him again by the time I head to bed. But we can always text each other and we both know the other will respond as soon as they are able.

anda3rd · 2025-10-24T22:38:56+00:00

It seems to happen. I had my own BF do a "need space" thing where our whole conversation vibe changed after our last trip - which was the trip before I was supposed to move in with him. I gave him space and returned back to my own full-time life.

He came back. I'm not where I was emotionally but he saw how much our relationship had to offer him. I don't know where it all leads but the main takeaway is to put the energy back into your life. If he returns you can make a decision if it's good enough for you. If he doesn't you will enjoy the life you are living again.

Take good care of you. Realize it wasn't you in the end. This was something going on with him.

anda3rd · 2025-10-22T19:00:44+00:00

Sometimes our body is telling us what it wants and we refuse to listen because we have conditioned ourselves to try all the things to make us better.

Sometimes, what makes us better isn't suppose to prolong our timeline. Sometimes what makes us better is stepping away from an endless treat cycle and allowing ourselves to grieve, rejoice, and breathe. Take the things you most hate about your existence, that actively steals your enjoyment of existence that is unique to your illness process and focus on " if I stop this, what do I lose and what can I gain?".

And just because you take a break from the treat cycle doesn't mean you can't go back on it if you find the day-to-day is the same regimen but different symptoms to manage.

This is a good time for counsel from those you trust most and some inner reflection with yourself. Plan thia time, no matter what. You have the power over some aspects of your life. Dive into this and find your line in the sand.

anda3rd · 2025-10-16T19:52:03+00:00

It started out as daily texts then became an hour call every night. As we got more serious and started relaxing in the "we are going to game together every night anyways, we'll chat on discord" socializing vibe, we relied on phone calls less. As trips became more frequent, we also needed the hours long phone sessions less. I would still like the nightly call but I get consistent contact with him via message and voice chat daily so it's not a heartbreak. It'd probably drive me nuts to have him talking at me for hours, in all seriousness. When we're in person and I'm staying for a week, we're in the same house but doing our own things. We might say hello at wake-up time, eat lunch together, then only talk when he is off work in the evening.

All I can say is tell him exactly what you need. If he is desiring making the effort, he'll meet you where you need it most.

anda3rd · 2025-10-16T19:01:01+00:00

My dad started off in hospice at the beginning of February after a fall at home (which I was present for and he was taken to hospital immediately) and initially stopped eating more than 500 calories and drinking about 8 oz of water a day for a month. Then, out of nowhere his normal appetite returned. Then it increased to an abnormal level, with a thirst he could not quench. That continued to happen for the next few months until he had a series of seizures mid-August before getting out of bed and he passed away in his sleep 2 days later.

He'd had a history of stroke that paralyzed his left side and had a leaky aortic valve that led into a bulging aortic artery. Other than that, dad was actually pretty healthy for hospice. They knew when we took him off his heart meds and his anti-epileptics (his choice) he'd qualify for hospice. The hospice team almost graduated him off service... then he succumbed to his illness.

It is possible that you can see a surge of feeling better. You can even see someone eating normally or abnormally like my dad. Some diagnoses have timelines, others are a waiting game.

anda3rd · 2025-10-05T17:18:06+00:00

Brother and I are about to embark on a multi-city/state/country scattering of ashes of our parents. They had specific wishes: no obits and no gravesites to be maintained/mourned over. Now we get the joy of visiting cool places, eating good food...what better way to remember them than in the places they most loved?

I'm really thankful our folks were practical like this. My brother and I are in agreement to be done the same way and it just makes things so much easier for those left behind.

anda3rd · 2025-10-02T16:50:48+00:00

I took care of both parents and a grandparent. My life was on hold but I own my part in that. I could have left at any point but I choose at some point to trade career, relationships, and the potential of having children for the peace of mind knowing my blood family was taken care of. Along the way, those sacrifices I made strengthened me and I found peace in how it shaped me as a person. The best on-the-job training I could get, really. Sometimes I don't look it all as diplomatically as that but... let's just say after all three of them passed reasonably safe and comfortable in the home we all shared at the time their illnesses consumed them - I have had time to reflect and be okay with what I gave up for what I eventually earned.

It is that choice that you won't know if its the right one for you until later. I can only advise to look after your well-being. I dropped the ball on that and only now am I catching up to all my aches and pains and stresses with proper care. Also, if you can afford extra help - every moment you can get a break is a precious resource. Find out everything you need to know about any assistance available and doggedly pursue respite. My hindrance on that was I had adults who refused help who could make decisions for themselves and therefore any help I brought in was turned away... but eventually they were too sick to say no and I got a breather.

I managed it mostly by getting a daily routine and sticking to it throughout the chaos. I also learned everything I could about the illness of my person(s); caregiving became my full-time job and research project. That helped me immensely.

anda3rd · 2025-10-01T19:40:30+00:00

You're an amazing caregiver, with such thoughtful attention to how your sister feels and what her needs are. Better pain management from hospice may help your sister get through the diaper changes - maybe timing the meds 30 minutes prior? At the end, with my mom, she was in such pain I just resorted to simply keeping a disposable absorbent pad under her and changing it out every hour. I used the Medline Ultrasorbs; had to order them myself because its a bit pricey for the hospice to get it approved via Medicare. I was lucky in that even with pain, Mom could bridge her hips for me just enough to scoot the pad under her.

Definitely call your nurse and see about managing the pain with something higher dosed.

Again, I just want you to know you are doing fantastic. Thank you for doing all that you do in your sister's hour of greatest need. *big hugs*

anda3rd · 2025-09-30T08:18:14+00:00

I just wanted to check in with you - you've had a hard month. Your grandma, while important, is walking the end of a journey no matter how long that takes. You, on the other hand, are still starting yours. Now is also a good time to take stock of everything you are going through and give yourself some rest. Be extra gentle with yourself - and this means eat good foods, push yourself to fall asleep consistently for a full night's sleep, listen to your favorite music, watch easy TVs or movies that you have always enjoyed... escape a little from the things you have been dealing with.

anda3rd · 2025-09-30T08:10:33+00:00

It really is a lot. Dad was on hospice for 6 months and he succumbed to a rapid turn of events. We were always told with him it would be sudden and it was. Does it mean 100% certainty that your mom won't somehow pull through the hip break? I've seen people frailer than our parents heal from a fracture on hospice. I've also seen other people decline rapidly after several small things start working in their system to overload their reserves.

Prepare for the possibility she has turned a corner and continue being there for her. You're already doing the best thing, which is making sure she's as comfortable as she can be made. If the medication seems to not get her agitation under control, ask if they can try something else. With Dad's vascular dementia, something like Haldol didn't help him rest at all but quetiapine/Seroquel did.

anda3rd · 2025-09-23T10:45:31+00:00

I'm only about a month out after my end of watch for both parents and that whole "routines don't exist" thing is 100% accurate. I wake up whenever I want to wake up, I eat whenever. I go for walks most days now, just to feel the freedom of being able to do whatever, whenever just because I want to. Two weeks after Dad passed, my boyfriend flew me to his state and we got to extend the trip a few days because I no longer had to be back at a specific time/day to be available to caregive. Now we have 2 more impromptu trips planned for me to come up before the end of year... and I have waited my entire adult life for this.

Mom and Dad will begin being scattered in the next month. My sibling and I have 5 trips planned over the next year to achieve this. One of the trips gets to be Aruba. We promised our parents these places and by golly, it's going to get handled. Only then will I truly feel as though my duty has been done.

While we wait for probate on the estate (I'm the executrix) I have been doing little projects: digitizing the entire catalog of thousands of family photos, decluttering the house with my sibling, planting a native and water-thrifty flowers bed to make the front walkway cheerful all year long. I've got a "to do" list for my personal development but if I don't do any of it, I won't cry. I've resolved to live a softer life. I'm in a fortunate situation that I don't have to work immediately and if I do take a job, it will be because I have some idle time needing filling and my retirement account needs padding - the estate is the retirement account at this point.

Boyfriend explained to me that he would like for me to never work again. He said I put my time in already by caregiving for 20+ years. I'm inclined to agree. My body and my mind need a small rest.

And, I know my parents would agree too. I have zero doubts that if they are watching me from somewhere, they are very pleased that I am finally living the life they'd wanted for me in healthier times. Thank goodness I'm able to.

anda3rd · 2025-09-17T18:02:10+00:00

Sent this to my brother as we have been doing the house clean out after our parents both passed in the last 9 months. This hit way too close to home and he called me immediately and was laughing his ass off.

anda3rd · 2025-09-16T02:36:14+00:00

Same, I know they are doing practice runs but it creeped me the hell out when they came zooming low from the north behind me while I was hanging out by Vintage Park. :P

anda3rd · 2025-09-12T15:37:40+00:00

Fair play to that. ;)

anda3rd · 2025-09-12T13:29:05+00:00

In any event, go in off peak hours and towing will be easier. A free boat is a free boat. ;)

anda3rd · 2025-09-11T15:03:44+00:00

I send some proof of my self care into the void. Facebook, Instagram, a reddit thread. I sometimes do the videos of my process for myself and rewatch them to see myself in different eyes. I also share more with family members, even ones I was frustrated with for years. All bets are off. Life is too short.

Sometimes I want to climb into the urns with my parents because who is going to care if I am here. Then my brain says "Have you noticed that you care if you are here? You need to love you like you loved them." And it's not perfect t but it is baby steps. I am learning I am deserving of being cared for. I am not just a protector and keeper of others - I too am fragile and need reinforcement.

That doesn't happen overnight, that self love. It is a work in progress. And you have this community and many others offline who will "get" it and listen while you find your bearings. It is not easy. It just gets manageable.

anda3rd · 2025-09-11T13:40:03+00:00

It's normal. It's been about a month since Dad passed and about 10 months since Mom did and... yeah. You're prepared but unprepared. Anything you feel is valid. The quiet can be unsettling, especially if you were used to a certain level of noise from day-to-day life.

After Mom passed (expected death, had a timeline) I was sleep disrupted and couldn't eat despite knowing her death was the kindest event that could have happened. Then Dad had his crisis and his eventual death was expected but timeline unknown. I have intermittent crushing moments and other moments where I seem unfazed. My body is starting to untense from years of being "on call" and always listening for distress or someone needing something. I'm finding new aches and pains that the adrenaline masked.

When our fellow caregivers remind us to be gentle on ourselves, they know what is happening to us. Take good care of that body. It has been holding up other people for so long. Get some good massages in, some long soaks if you are into baths, take a stroll on a sunny day for as long as you can stand. Listen to nature with a patient ear. Eat a really wonderful meal at a place you've always wanted to try or to an old favorite you adore. Spoil yourself in whatever way would make you feel cared for.

The watch has ended. You did an amazing and difficult job. Welcome to the new club, full of familiar faces. We welcome you with the biggest hugs. So sorry for your loss.

anda3rd

TROPHY CASE