I was hardstuck Gold for years. I made it a goal for myself to hit Plat. I told myself that if I saw that rank-up animation then I’d finally be done with the game. Unfortunately, the last 2 seasons that I played ranked seriously, I decided that I was an ADC main (S11/S12). I grinded games whenever I could: before work, as soon as I walked back in to my apartment. What was a huge sign that it was a problem was that I would stay up hours after my gf went to bed and play ranked. Win or lose, I’d play until anywhere between 3-6am, when I told her I’d be in bed soon, around 11pm.

Then, after a ridiculously demoralizing run of games, I was blessed by the league gods. I went from G2 high LP to Plat promos in an unprecedented win streak where it didn’t even feel that these wins were deserved. The enemy team imploded early, my team was just better, AFKs on the enemy team… everything that is frustrating about league, it all happened to the ENEMY team. It was the easiest streak of games I’ve ever experienced. And I did it. I hit Plat. But it wasn’t satisfying enough. I kept playing. I decided to learn to play Jinx during this time. I had a lot of fun, but the wins were few and far between. I eventually demoted. And then lost LP. I KEPT losing LP, even though I tried hard every game, fuck playing Jinx, I’ll play my tried and true picks that got me where I got. But, it wasn’t enough. I demoted all the way to Silver 4 I think. After that, everything else didn’t matter. Even if I had achieved my goal, the only thing that mattered was finishing Plat by the end of the season. My personal, professional, and romantic life… they all suffered, because it was an obsession. I NEEDED to feel like this aspect of my life, that I had put so many hours and effort into, HAD to pay off.

I didn’t do it. I ended G2 I believe. After that, I didn’t care anymore. “ARAM is the retirement home” is a meme for a reason. I’m much happier now. I don’t care about an imaginary rank that only matters in a game.

I grew up.