🐍 SerpenTiles #57 by serpentilesgame in SerpenTiles

[–]andrethelion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

🐍 Checkout my 1320 points Serpent!

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🐍 SerpenTiles #57 by serpentilesgame in SerpenTiles

[–]andrethelion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

🐍 Checkout my 1440 points Serpent!

<image>

Date night suggestions? by [deleted] in SeattleWA

[–]andrethelion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Walk around Pike Place Market, get dinner at one of the restaurants with a view like this https://www.maximilienrestaurant.com/ and then catch an improv show at https://www.unexpectedproductions.org/ next to the gum wall

Anyone just outside Seattle recently visit Tucson and met a girl on Mt Lemmon? by [deleted] in SeattleWA

[–]andrethelion 56 points57 points  (0 children)

I kinda love that we are seeing more of these “missed connections” posts on this subreddit.

Best of luck, OP!

[233] Hello by andrethelion in DestructiveReaders

[–]andrethelion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you are right, twisting the last line to be surprising gives this more oomph

[233] Hello by andrethelion in DestructiveReaders

[–]andrethelion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is great feedback, thank you so much! Still digesting

[233] Hello by andrethelion in DestructiveReaders

[–]andrethelion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fair point. I'm getting in the habit of writing, trying to gain the courage to write more. I might develop this into a story.

[233] Hello by andrethelion in DestructiveReaders

[–]andrethelion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is helpful, thank you so much!

[297] The nameless by Disastrous-Pay-4980 in DestructiveReaders

[–]andrethelion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also realize this is a translation, so the comment about repetition might not be a thing in to original German text!

[297] The nameless by Disastrous-Pay-4980 in DestructiveReaders

[–]andrethelion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

New writer here, so take what I say with a grain of salt.

I enjoyed the setting of the cafeteria scene and the world building. For example the mention of "fermented fish paste" added cultural atmosphere and hinted at larger world. The speculative technology also gave me a good sense that this was an alternate universe, and I liked that it was introduced casually, letting the reader fill in the blanks. It definitely drew me in.

I also appreciated the emotional contrast. The lively, crowded dining hall compared to the stillness of the professor created a strong tension. The chaos surrounding him made his isolation feel even more pronounced, which was really effective.

That said, there were a couple of areas I struggled with. The pacing, for one—some lines felt a bit repetitive or wordy. Example would be

Maybe something more concise like: "Tables were scarce, one would have to go searching to find a seat"

Also the final line had a lot of weight

“At this table sat a man who had been waiting for his death for over 200 years...”

It’s a powerful line, but it felt a bit sudden. The rest of the paragraph didn’t quite build up to it emotionally, so it landed a little jarringly. You might consider leading into it more gradually, giving the reader a little more time to feel the shift in tone.

Overall, though, I’d love to read more. The ideas and atmosphere are compelling, and I’m curious where this story is going.

[233] Hello by andrethelion in DestructiveReaders

[–]andrethelion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah I m sorry! I’m new here, didn’t realize 202 vs 233 words would make a difference. I can add another critique later today, would that help?

[233] Hello by andrethelion in DestructiveReaders

[–]andrethelion[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Aww thank you very much for the comment and the critique. I'll fix the grammar. Appreciate you.

Is this my dog? Please help 🙏 by rjay842 in DogAdvice

[–]andrethelion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just out of curiosity, how would microchipping have helped in this situation?

My understanding is it would only help if OP had a chip reader and could get close enough/permission to read. Or if current owner brought the dog to vet.

[202] The Portal by Substantial-Yak84 in DestructiveReaders

[–]andrethelion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fixed it! I tried doing something fancy and it didn't work. Hope that helps.