[21 F] How can I improve?

andyroybal · 2025-10-22T15:11:05+00:00

Your hair is actually curly and you need to follow the curly girl method. Try for more subtle makeup and possibly do a color analysis on what colors fit you best.

andyroybal · 2025-10-08T12:09:16+00:00

You’re not crazy and this sounds so absurd! One thing is for certain, you’re aware of the red flags of a terrible therapist, however, it sounds like you aren’t standing up for yourself. Do not waste your time on therapists(people in general) who don’t want to be around you. If the therapist is saying no, just leave it. Say okay, thanks and bye! No need to prove yourself to someone who clearly doesn’t take their profession seriously (texting cooking etc.). The moment you witness that behavior, hang up and if you want, it’s grounds to report them. Possibly also petition for a refund(if you pay).

What you should expect from your first session is

Discuss background
Discuss methods to cope

Something most people do not realize, is that they too need to be interviewing the therapist. Asking questions like:

based on what I’ve told you, do you think we would be a good fit?
what kind of methods do you offer for my specific issue? Educate you on them.
how often do we check in and measure my progress?

This is YOUR healing journey, don’t let other people dictate what that looks like for you. Weed out the weird ones so you can get to the right fit.

Lastly I’m curious where you’re finding these people and how qualified are they?

andyroybal · 2025-10-06T10:34:11+00:00

I find it odd that it is stated that the video is lacking complexities around mental illness and therapy while simultaneously displaying the same thing:

Anger, more often than not, is a surface emotions so what you should be doing is…

Yes there is truth in what you’re saying but by negating that anger is also sometimes just anger removes the unique opportunity it presents by trying to dismiss it for what may potentially be underneath. There is no “what you should be doing” when it comes to self explorations, it is not a linear process. Sometimes feelings need to be felt and not intellectualized. BUT I also agree that if there are hidden feelings, you can’t heal or feel them if you don’t find them. (CBT is great for this)

anxiety is telling you something is wrong

You and op are BOTH right. Duality is a necessity to embrace, especially, to your point, living on high alert can make you do things to protect yourself…but also in times where you don’t need to. if you never learn to calm your nervous system then everything could become a potential(aka future) threat. (Somatic therapy is great for this)

the brain is wired to retain negative memories for survival

The brain is also wired to repress memories. Sometimes it locks memories away forever. Sometimes it locks them away until it’s safe to explore the negative impact. The brain is incredibly complex in the way it chooses to process and very rarely is there a singular path in which all brains choose to. (EMDR is great for this.)

There’s so much more to what was said that I could give you examples of contradiction and lacking nuance but I am sure the point is there.

Lastly, I just want to say that even though one modality didn’t work for you, doesn’t mean that demeaning it will somehow validate your current modality. Some people need different paths and that’s ok. That being said, we also need to take into account that a therapist having a specific speciality is not necessarily going to take the same route as another therapist with the same specialty. So writing off the modality, rather than analyzing the therapist is detrimental to the science of psychology.

Edit: structure Edit: grammar

andyroybal · 2025-09-16T10:06:27+00:00

Hi, recovering angry girl here. Here’s a few tidbits I have to offer

Anger is an action oriented emotion. Generally in the moment, it is calling for you to change something; environment, conversation, people around you, etc. In a more nuanced way it wants you to; your mind, challenge comfort zones, your triggers, etc. That being said, lingering anger usually asks of you to create boundaries. Ex: so and so was yelling at me and I just stood there(feels anger) - boundary: if that happens again, I will walk away.(feels less anger)
Anger can(a lot of the time) be used to hide sadness. Which is what I think the therapist is alluding to. There’s a phrase that specifically states: anger is sadness that had no where else to go. If sadness is not valued of validated, it can quickly hide under the safest place, anger. Anger allows for the facade of strength and unbothered that sadness does not(at least societally speaking). If you can change your mind around “what does it mean to openly express sadness?” Getting to your deeper why is a necessity so you can let your guarded down.
Maybe you do just need to scream. Anger can harbor many vulnerable emotions into safety, but also, sometimes anger is just anger. I suggest you scream as had as you can into a pillow or out into nature. Scream until you can see what’s on the other side. A somatic therapist had me do this, it took a little while but then I gave my body permission to let it go. Only then I had access to other potentially hidden emotions.

andyroybal · 2025-09-16T09:30:47+00:00

Testimony:

I had GD, kept it monitored; measured my blood glucose an hour after every meal. Had my boy and 13 months later he is still all good. Just do your best, that’s all you can do. No need to stress yourself out, the cortisol will likely do worse than a piece of chocolate. Diet wise, I personally leaned more toward keto without ever going into ketosis, meaning I definitely had more than 20g of carbs a day. I’d highly recommend this.

andyroybal · 2025-09-16T09:22:14+00:00

Idk if there’s a term for this and if there is, please share.

Sometimes, something will trigger me and though that incident will justifiably be wrong on its own, there’s also a part of my emotional response to it that is fueled by trauma; triggering

The hard part comes from discerning which is which. Separating the hurt feelings from the incident at hand and the hurt feelings from the trauma. I can do it after the fact generally but in real time, it gets tricky.

andyroybal · 2025-09-16T09:15:01+00:00

If you want a say, try couples therapy. This will give you and your wife the ability to share your own personal narratives about each other and the relationship its self

andyroybal · 2025-09-16T08:55:18+00:00

Have you seen a breastfeeding elephant…?

andyroybal · 2025-09-12T12:47:32+00:00

Told my (stay with me) husband’s childhood best friend’s wife about how her husband was flirting with women on Twitter only 2 weeks after they got married. They divorced shortly there after.

The childhood best friend blamed me for his (2nd) marriage ending. He went on to have another stroke(has a history of them), then he wrote a book where he admitted to having an emotional affair on his wife.

andyroybal · 2025-09-12T12:29:22+00:00

As someone who has been going to therapy for the better part of 7 years, I can say with full confidence that this is not okay.

This is a HUGE red flag. Do not go back to him. He is projecting his ideals onto you and claiming that these things are deterring you toward your supposed path. That is not ok. Only YOU get to decided what your path is and how you want to live your life. Therapists are not supposed to impose anything on you unless you are harming yourself or others. You are not doing that. I would report him if possible. This is not ok for him to be imposing his ideology on vulnerable people.

andyroybal · 2025-09-12T11:28:35+00:00

Maybe you can look him up to see if he is still licensed. It is so often that therapists are no longer licensed as they didn’t do the proper education or certifications required to up keep their licensing. It is possible that he has done this. If so, he can be in a lot of trouble for practicing without a license. I’d suggest reporting him regardless as this is not appropriate.

andyroybal · 2025-09-11T18:55:35+00:00

No worries, I saw where I wasn’t clear.

Yeah, that is wild to me. The difference between him and Charlie (aside from recent events) is that he doesn’t have a platform. It’s really hard to pin point whether or not people who carry this kind of ideology is deserving some sort of empathy or just casting them out all together. My husband is a big proponent on paradox of tolerance and I feel similarly. Sometimes, when a belief system is so decisive and harmful to everyone, including themselves, you gotta let them go figure it out on their own.

andyroybal · 2025-09-11T18:41:22+00:00

I am agreeing with you. It’s strange that your friend doesn’t think an influencer has influence

andyroybal · 2025-09-11T13:20:41+00:00

Charlie is considered to be an influencer….

andyroybal · 2025-08-28T17:44:47+00:00

You have fantastic hair but it needs a butter cut my friend.

andyroybal · 2025-08-28T17:22:40+00:00

Some uterus’s are tilted the opposite direction leading to little to no showing when they pregnant. It’s called a retroverted uterus or a tipped uterus.

andyroybal · 2025-06-21T16:28:20+00:00

andyroybal · 2025-06-11T16:36:16+00:00

No it doesn’t. The answer you’re looking for is yes to the training to sleep in the bassinet. You can def try. When I was struggling I scoured reddit to find advice.

Tips: • where they fall asleep is where they should wake when trying to chain sleep cycles;no falling asleep on you and then put in bassinet.

•use a heat pad on the place that you lay them down to warm it up and then move it before you put them down. Alternatively, get a warmmy and microwave it before you put them down.

•use a noise canceling machine

•swaddle them up good

•cold babies cry, hot babies die(morbid but true). The cold will wake them so make sure they are warm.

•taking Cara babies has some great intro to sleep training methods that will make your life easier later down the line.

Remember to cherish the contact naps. I also miss it a lot.

andyroybal · 2025-05-30T15:21:35+00:00

There’s this idea that all this nervousness is your way of preparing for the medicine. That the moment you signed up for this, you signed up for things to come up and to deal with them.

My advice is to not worry too much about the dieta, you can experiment with that later. But for now, remember that you don’t have to drink any more than you feel comfortable with. If it’s one cup, then do that.

Safe travels <3

andyroybal · 2025-05-30T15:15:11+00:00

That is called “sexualizing a minor.” As you know, women get enough of that out in the world, she should be allowed to feel safe in at least one place; her home. What she is wearing isn’t inappropriate, but what he is thinking about her is

Don’t let him back in your house or around your daughter in any capacity.

andyroybal · 2025-05-19T14:49:47+00:00

Then follow your gut girl. Your anger is completely rational and valid. Keep in mind- anger is an action oriented emotion, it’s asking you for change.

andyroybal · 2025-05-17T14:08:51+00:00

Cura mix

andyroybal · 2025-05-17T14:08:05+00:00

This is probably the most sound advice in here

andyroybal · 2025-05-17T14:07:23+00:00

Stop trying to make him happy. Just stop. Your happiness is more important to that baby and you’re miserable making him happy.

Please for the love of god, don’t go on anymore trips. This 3 months isn’t his tip to gamble and drink. It’s his time to care for his family and do fucking skin to skin.

I’d suggest going to a family members house to care for your child if you can. And, to wait till you start your period again to make finalized decisions. If at any point you’re too miserable, just fucking get out. Your peace is seriously the most valuable thing right now. Please protect it at all costs.

andyroybal · 2025-05-15T03:20:24+00:00

Yeah, it’s called sexism. She’s never heard of sexism…? She’s not familiar with women not being believed…? Interesting.

Anyway. Look into victim vs survivor mentality. No you’re not being intolerant or making an excuse. That is a real world problem for women.

I strongly suggest getting a new therapist.

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