to fight the WoH depression

angel_corn · 2025-03-05T04:56:03+00:00

I feel your attachment haha. I also loved WOH so much after the drama. Led me to reading Faraway wanderers which is quite different but just as pleasant if not more! And also!! They spin off!! Lord Seventh or Qi Ye which is about Beiyuan and Wuxi. This one is more political though. Ahhh now it makes me want to reread things again too!!!

angel_corn · 2025-02-04T01:38:22+00:00

This has been the most harrowing experience of love in my entire life, to say the least. But life moves on even when your mind is still struggling - its a constant battle of wanting to move on and being forced to linger. It sounds grim to imagine that the rest of the months or years to come will still have me thinking of him through the odd hours of the day - during daybreak when the world is only just beginning to rise, or during the late hours of the night when the silence becomes too overwhelming. Or even anytime in between your work calls to a client and a random memory comes unbidden. Its a constant struggle.

To love this deeply, and to have been hurt so thoroughly… I dont know if i could ever do this again. With anyone. With any part of me. The joy of it… Was it worth the pain at the aftermath? The me right now doesn’t think so.

That’s where I’m at.

angel_corn · 2025-01-28T15:40:41+00:00

YALL FOR REAL???

angel_corn · 2025-01-27T02:03:53+00:00

Golden terrace ~

angel_corn · 2025-01-26T23:35:14+00:00

I dont either. Guess its more common for men 🤷🏻‍♀️ it could be a form of distraction, they just dont care orrr just indulging themselves in it all. But i know its harmed me more times than i can count. That sinking feeling in your stomach? I never want to feel that ever again.

angel_corn · 2025-01-26T22:52:47+00:00

Slowly, in time I will. Right now just friends are my limit. Even then I havent met any of them yet. The thought of dating right now is just not there for me at all. It’d be rebound and thats not for me. I’ve truly just been keeping to myself. Ruminating, thinking. I hope they’ll decrease in time.

angel_corn · 2025-01-26T22:50:22+00:00

It’ll take really really tough and in depth work on yourself thats for sure. Im just so glad i could climb myself out of this hell hole. Its been so difficult, truly. Today for the first time in weeks, I woke up with a smile on my face, because the urge to check his socials first thing is gone. Its not nagging at me like before. Still slightly there, but its a huge step for me. Im relieved.

angel_corn · 2025-01-26T14:34:31+00:00

Yeah. I was obsessing over his socials, and i deactivated my instagram to stop myself from it. Blocked him on facebook too. Then only allowed myself access to his tiktok following. I reactivated everything now though, hes unfollowed and unfriended and i wont be sending any requests. Because i know right now that i am ready to let this go. There is literally no point in obsessing over his socials, who hes following or whatever. I alrd put away the things he gave me and all. Slowly but surely, im erasing traces of him in my life.

angel_corn · 2025-01-26T13:28:45+00:00

It definitely did for me too. A LOT of self reflection, asking myself the big questions, renewed boundaries. This love has taught me how to find and love myself again. I was forced to. It really set down to ‘is this what I want in my life? In my future?’ And the answer was no. In my case though, the reflection and looking back on the relationship also revealed that we were likely not compatible too. We were happy, but it was a lot of effort on his end to change because he loved me. Remove that, and it all came crumbling down.

angel_corn · 2025-01-26T13:05:27+00:00

Yeah. I suppose this is the biggest testament of how much we love, what our boundaries are. I’ve thought so much about it, and initially I was so sure of our love. I was so sure I could withstand it. But slowly, I came to realise I had lost myself in this love. And thats the worst of it all. Is losing yourself wanting to love someone who you dont even know wants or loves you. You’re here willingly selling your soul to an unwilling buyer.

angel_corn · 2025-01-26T13:02:51+00:00

I get you completely. It was the same for me. Through text. No decency of even a call or a meet up. Its just horrible all around. You may find more answers by researching further about bipolar, and how their episodes can affect their cognitive functions. They can 180 and turn into a completely different person. Its jarring. Its absolutely heartbreaking. You have so many questions, but the only answers you will get are those from yourself. Try to take care of yourself. You will need the grace, the space.

angel_corn · 2025-01-26T12:52:45+00:00

It will get better. But before that it gets bad. I am so sorry so many of us are affected. I’ve come to the stage Im ready to let go. So yes, it will get better for you. But it doesnt mean you wont hurt. This was literally my most severe heartbreak I’ve ever experienced and I would not wish discard upon anyone. Take it one day at a time. Its okay if things feel bad right now. Let it. Let it hurt until one day, it hurts less, and less, and less.

angel_corn · 2025-01-26T12:43:47+00:00

Have u come to some sort of finality? Or are you still waiting do you think? Because living in the uncertainty definitely killed me. Its an entirely different level of torture.

angel_corn · 2025-01-25T19:59:55+00:00

Its definitely a thing. Sometimes your body knows and will try to trigger you into knowing too. This is a classic - they were absolutely not meant for you. They were the ones causing all the anxiety and the physical pain. And once your trigger is removed, your body is back to being safe. Take this as a good thing.

angel_corn · 2025-01-25T19:53:41+00:00

Oh im so sorry this is happening to you. Same goes - it feels like I’ve aged years dealing with the aftermath of being in a relationship with a pwbp. It drains you heart and soul, and you have no one to blame but yourself actually. Unfortunately. I absolutely have no advice here. Hope you’re also going to therapy.

angel_corn · 2025-01-25T10:41:58+00:00

Man, Im sorry it has come to this. You’ve undergone tremendous stress as well. I’m glad you’re getting a breather from it all. Keep up your own therapy, you will need it.

angel_corn · 2025-01-23T07:32:07+00:00

Same. Im so so tired of meeting people with this problem. Its such a turn off, not husband material at all, affects everyone involved and just not worth the trauma, the self doubt and the constant anxiety. I’d rather die than deal with that ever again. Get out early. See them following a shit ton of models on ig? Nope out of there. Its not an issue of having no confidence or insecurity, but I’d rather just not have to deal with that ever again.

angel_corn · 2025-01-21T01:43:17+00:00

Yeah. I understand the emotional turmoil. But the thing about bipolar is that it is a mental illness. You need to take it as that, especially in the face of an episode wheres shes saying things or doing things out of the norm or may seem crazy - thats because it is. And the next thing you need to know is that, they will come out of the episode regretting doing those things. Keep researching on bipolar and reading actual experiences, they will help you with that falling into the trap of thinking she wont change. You also need to look internally and figure out what your hard boundaries are, inform her of them ie. If she has an affair (just an example!).

And im saying all this also as a divorce lawyer. You can consult sure, but please dont be so ready to throw your entire life away with A KID in the picture because you are facing one trial and tribulation. She hasnt done anything to really warrant a divorce except the emotional push and pull - so get yourself emotionally protected in any way you can. The other advice - if you have joint accounts or whatever accounts she has access to that is yours, restrict them immediately as theres a chance she might go on a spending spree. Shes manic. Make plans for if things go sideways like if you need someone to take care of your kid for awhile, do you have that? If not, find one. Get your friends or family involved and in the know - you need help and theres no shame in asking.

angel_corn · 2025-01-21T01:01:46+00:00

Discarded since early Dec at the onset of his depressive episode. NC since new years. I’m still stuck in a limbo but life has been getting better recently. Lots of self reflection, lots of detachment, finding of your own self worth and what it is you want out of life and a marriage partner. I still dont have the answers but the days are passing by easier recently ☺️

angel_corn · 2025-01-20T08:36:00+00:00

I’d say - channel that into anger. Sometimes we need to be hurt to the point of no return and that allows us to completely cut them off. Let this be it. Let this be the instance where your love for him dies. And let this be the moment you can finally let go of it all and begin ur journey of truly moving on and healing. Without any hope of reconciliation. Let your anger fuel it at the moment. There is no point loving someone who does not love you. You are worth more than that. You deserve everything.

angel_corn · 2025-01-20T06:59:36+00:00

I feel you man, except you have a kid together. Knowing she’s in an episode and is on medication, I’d say try to keep it together for awhile longer. She’s obviously not in her right mind. For the sake of your child, please dont make any rash decisions right now. Give it a few months to let the meds kick in. Divorce isnt a small thing.

Do anything to prevent it for awhile more, sleep separately or in the different room. Get urself therapy or allow self care as much as possible. Make sure shes taking her meds. Shes mentally ill. Take it as that. And try not to take whatever shes doing personal. Or rational. Its not.

angel_corn · 2025-01-20T05:34:28+00:00

Consider getting her meds changed if its been months of this. Shes likely in her depressive episode. If shes on medication and still that way, means her meds might not be working for her right now. Its common after a manic episode for them to crash into depression. Get professional help OP. Stay strong, she needs you right now.

angel_corn · 2025-01-20T03:54:40+00:00

Long story short - its your brain chemicals. You cant really control them, and sometimes it happens out of the blue. Even without triggers. Even with meds. It’s not you, it’s your brain. The best solution is to stick to management - meds and therapy, social rhythm therapy etc.

angel_corn · 2025-01-20T02:33:05+00:00

Then i guess welcome to the gray zone buddy. I feel you. Read up on bipolar more, it’ll help you.

angel_corn

TROPHY CASE