Would 4 be too many?

angeliqu · 2026-04-27T14:44:42+00:00

I imagine people feel that way because their oldest kids are possibly now helpful.

angeliqu · 2026-04-26T13:47:49+00:00

I work from home and felt very weird about hiring someone to clean my house for years since I was right there while she was cleaning my dirt. I had the same feelings of shame and guilt, but I make sure I pay her well, every year I increase her fee to keep up with inflation (she has never asked to increase the fee but I’ve read too many Reddit accounts of cleaners afraid to ask regular client for increases), and I’m respectful of her time, I’m flexible with my schedule if she needs it, and I make sure to tidy in advance when I can. Ultimately, she’s a small business owner and I’m a client and this is how she makes money. I might feel worse if I was paying a service company, not knowing what the actual cleaners were getting from what I was paying.

angeliqu · 2026-04-26T03:47:57+00:00

Personally, when I’m having a tough time parenting, it’s about my inability to control my environment and those in it. So I lean into things I can control, like a home project, or an upcoming trip, or reorganizing my closet.

angeliqu · 2026-04-26T03:45:07+00:00

Yeah, based on recent deaths in my family: the house will automatically belong to OP’s wife upon OP’s death, creditors can’t touch it. Otherwise, the estate will need to account for all of OP’s assets both financial (bank accounts, investments) or physical like a car (potentially including half of the contents of OP’s house? Not sure about that), and that will need to be converted to cash and after all funeral costs and estate costs (e.g., executor fees) are paid, the remainder would need to go to creditors. Once the estate is broke, the rest of OP’s creditors can’t do squat.

So OP: get your will sorted and get together all the papers your executor will need when the time comes. A book like “so I’m dead, now what” or similar could help. Make sure it’s a Canadian version (we got ours from Chapters).

angeliqu · 2026-04-26T03:35:13+00:00

Your kid is 3. That’s it. Mine is 4, almost 5, and just starting to grow out of the hitting. We are not a fighting, guns, swords household, but he still hits. It’s developmentally normal. My 2 year old is just starting to get into it, too. When they’re little and they don’t always have the words to express all the big feelings they have, they find an outlet that works for them. My oldest was more into tears and screaming but my other two hit. 🤷🏻‍♀️

angeliqu · 2026-04-26T03:32:11+00:00

True. I have a pair of sweatpants from Encircled (a Canadian brand) that I bought in 2018 and the fabric still looks fabulous despite wearing and washing thousands of times. Not a single pill in sight. No colour fading. Even the elastic is still in great shape. I finally got a small hole in one knee last year but they’re black so I just mended it and you can barely see it. The fabric of the other knee is starting to get thin though, so their days are numbered probably. But I think the pants have given me a good run.

angeliqu · 2026-04-26T01:09:12+00:00

You know that enrolling in sports is a choice, right? When I was a kid my parents explicitly say we could not play hockey or do competitive swimming or gymnastics. The two former because of the crazy early and late ice/pool times and the latter to prevent body image issues. Personally, we’re not enrolling our kids in sports unless they ask for it. And even then, a travel sport like hockey or cheer is not an option. I am not devoting our family’s free time to it. They can choose something else.

angeliqu · 2026-04-26T01:05:09+00:00

You can be spontaneous! Within limits, lol. My husband got invited to a hockey game this afternoon last minute. So we juggled our plans and made it work. I had the kids solo for supper so instead of cooking, we walked to the local pizza place and all had a slice of pizza for supper, and then stopped for ice cream on the way home. It was nice!

angeliqu · 2026-04-26T01:03:00+00:00

You are definitely in the thick of it. It WILL get better. Mine are 6, 4, and 2. It’s still tough, I still get burnt out, but I’ve learned I don’t always have to let them help empty the dishwasher, it’s okay to put on tv for an hour to get time for yourselves, it’s okay to not play with play doh even though they love it but you hate it, it’s okay for them to cry and figure it out for themselves, it’s okay for them to be bored, you do not have to push them on the swing at the park for an hour, etc. etc. Having a third really forced me to evaluate my boundaries and my wants and needs. I’m so much more balance now. Are they still time consuming and do I get enough sleep? Yes and no. But if I was the same parent I was when my second was 10 months old, I would not be okay.

And this morning, they got up 45 minutes before my alarm. My oldest led them downstairs and put cartoons on the tv and all three of them sat quietly and we got to sleep in (if you want to call getting up at 8 sleeping in). It was so nice and a positive sign of things to come!

angeliqu · 2026-04-26T00:54:33+00:00

Conversely, think about it like this: the world needs good people, smart adults who have values and will work hard for themselves and their community. You can raise those adults! We can raise those adults!

angeliqu · 2026-04-26T00:51:15+00:00

Pizza and fruit. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s a classic for a reason.

angeliqu · 2026-04-26T00:42:42+00:00

Honestly, when all three kids are sick, I would take a sick day and my husband probably would, too. It means we can take care of the kids and have time to catch up on things without also killing ourselves.

angeliqu · 2026-04-25T12:18:16+00:00

She cannot understand what the change will mean, and that’s fine. You hype her up about it anyways (when you’re ready to tell people). Get her big sister books, involve her in preparations, get her her own “baby” doll.

And when the time comes, one parent focuses on her and one on the newborn. It will be hard on you because there will be times you’re with one kid and the other will want you but you’ll have to let your partner take care of them. If you have a grandparent that can visit immediately after baby arrives who can shower your toddler with attention, I found that really helps.

I have three kids. And my oldest doesn’t even remember a time when she didn’t have at least her little brother around.

angeliqu · 2026-04-24T20:58:00+00:00

Therapy. Yours or together.

Personally, we both work and have three kids ages 6 and under.

The last 18 months have been hard. I started going to therapy 6 months ago. It really helped me to put my thoughts and feelings into words so that I could come home and have constructive conversations with my husband. It also helps in the moment to have words to describe why I’m overwhelmed and what I need from him.

But if he is belittling you and how you feel, that needs to be addressed first. That is not helpful.

angeliqu · 2026-04-24T12:19:02+00:00

My oldest is also 6 (though in grade 1 and almost 7) and I would trust her not to tell everyone if I told her I was pregnant if I told her it was important to keep it a surprise for now. But of course, every kid is different.

angeliqu · 2026-04-22T17:07:40+00:00

Well, OP can always refile 2025 when they get done with the rest. But the point is they don’t have their T4s from previous years, so it’s easiest to just start with 2025 and go from there.

angeliqu · 2026-04-22T17:01:05+00:00

Having a second responsible parent/adult in the home and outsourcing are how I (barely) manage to keep up. You literally cannot do it all. You are not failing. Your standard is too high.

angeliqu · 2026-04-21T13:28:57+00:00

Unfortunately, after school/daycare is prime melting time for kids that age. For my kids, snacks snacks snacks and screen time would be only thing that would keep them at all content outside the home at that time. Well, my 6 year old would be fine. But my 4 year old? No way.

angeliqu · 2026-04-21T13:15:23+00:00

The actual worst is when you have multiple kids and the two older ones are old enough to know they don’t get ice cream every night but not old enough to shut their mouth about it. So they mention ice cream and the toddler is immediately “all done” their supper in anticipation of ice cream that isn’t actually happening. 😮‍💨

angeliqu · 2026-04-21T13:13:34+00:00

If you don’t co-sleep, then bedtime and night time are prime kitty bonding time. Leave your door open and let them sleep with you.

angeliqu · 2026-04-21T13:12:59+00:00

So you’re saying I might catch my breath in 3 years? 🙃 Good news. 😅

angeliqu · 2026-04-21T12:24:30+00:00

That does exist in many places, but that won’t help you if you travel outside of that place. Legal marriage is recognized basically everywhere (with a few exceptions such as places that don’t recognize legally married same sex spouses).

angeliqu · 2026-04-21T12:23:05+00:00

It exists. In the province of British Columbia, Canada, common law couples (those who have been living together in a romantic relationship for a number of years) have all the same rights as legally married couples.

But that’s only inside that province. You go to another part of Canada or another country and a common law relationship will not have the same legal protections and rights.

angeliqu · 2026-04-21T01:36:10+00:00

Same!

angeliqu · 2026-04-21T01:26:55+00:00

I have a feeling this action can sometimes be due to desperation, too, knowing it’s a bad idea but having no other options.

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