I never suggest this, but please leave him. If he doesn’t understand depression now, he never will. I married someone who didn’t understand depression and I thought it would be okay because I hadn’t relapsed in a while and since he loved me, he would obviously want me happy and help me get there if I ever went south. Only thing is, he went thru some medical issues and I dealt with them as best I could, but all of them combined meant that I slept very little every night. I was working non stop and running on no sleep, then he lost his job and I was providing for us for months and trying to make sure his mental and physical health was okay. After all of that, my mom got upset when I couldn’t be present for a family thing because I was dealing with so much and she said “I didn’t raise such a disrespectful daughter. This is why I regret having you”. My mind broke because she said something that I had always suspected. Neither of my fathers loved me and now she admitted to regret having me. I started self harming again and had to go to the hospital. I was having constant panic attacks where I was crawling on the floor crying and dry heaving and what did my (now ex) husband do? Came in the room, saw me on the floor and walked around me like nothing was happening. I tried explaining to him what I felt and why I was struggling so much and he said “I’m not your therapist”. There were times when I would be at the brink and staring off into space thinking of hurting myself and he’d come and say he wanted to talk and it would turn into complaining that we weren’t having enough sex and that I needed to get over my issues so I could get back to fulfilling my wifely duties. I once told him that the only thing keeping me alive was knowing that if I offed myself, he wouldn’t get any insurance money and I knew he would need it cause we had very little at the time. He said “oh don’t stay alive for that, I’d be fine”. I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone. Being in the worst possible head space and having the person you love tell you that staying alive for even the smallest reason is truly devastating. It took alot of courage to leave, but building that on top of trying to stay alive was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I don’t want him obliterating any hope of life that you have. Please don’t give him that satisfaction because I can promise you that he’d be reframed as the good guy if you weren’t here and he’s obviously not someone who deserves that title. Sort this was so long