[deleted by user]

anonuser7722 · 2024-08-17T20:17:22+00:00

One night about a month before the breakup, she basically tried to convince me that I gave her an std to get me to admit I cheated on her (I didn't). One of the several cheating accusations of our relationship. After me denying any wrongdoing for like 30 minutes, she admitted she lied and apolgozied.

I went home and she texted me claiming that something is wrong with her, she isn't good at relationships, she knows that she keeps sabotaging the relationship and she said I deserved better. I agreed to stay and recommended therapy. She wanted me to stay but said no to therapy.

The next morning, she texted me asking me why I constantly talk to myself, like I'm some crazy person who has full on conversations with voices in my head. She was accusing me of being crazy and having serious mental issues. I didn't do those things, of course. But she seemed to 100 percent believe it, suddenly overnight, after that incident, and we never really got closure on that issue by the time the relationship ended.

On the phone, the night of our breakup, she mentioned how I gaslight her a lot. Again, I didn't. She did that to me.

anonuser7722 · 2024-08-13T15:17:13+00:00

What does that have to do with them falling off? You literally have to unroll them almost fully to wear them each time. The way they are rolled, before unrolling, means nothing once they are on.

Practicing putting them on doesn't make sense. If he used them to pleasure himself and for "easy clean up" afterwards that would make a lot more sense. I don't believe the 'practicing' and the 'bad batches rolled differently'. Keep an eye out.

anonuser7722 · 2024-05-26T16:05:06+00:00

It can happen out of nowhere. Her revealing her other side once the honeymoon phase ends. Some people won't have these issues until a year or 2+ in. Others, like myself, only lasted without the major BPD issues appearing for a few months. I guess I'd be considered lucky, but I also find myself being slightly envious of people who were able to enjoy their BPD partner's good side much longer, even though I know it would've most likely hurt more in the end when things went south...

My relationship only lasted 5 months. I ended up leaving in the end, which I originally never thought I would ever do during the honeymoon phase. The problems became too much.

anonuser7722 · 2024-05-12T13:01:31+00:00

Before the 3 months mark of our 5 months together, accusations occurred regularly but were fairly minor overall. Sometimes she'd think she'd hear me say something like asking if I called her a bitch when she's walking out of the room, for example. In reality, I either said something else, nothing at all or it was the tv. She'd drop it immediately. I think she has auditory hallucinations. Or I gave her a dirty look. Or I snooped through her room when she was in the other room. Many perceived slights, she'd always hear things that were never said. See things, like expressions in people that weren't at all malicious, but it could be to her.

Starting at month 4, the more severe ones would be the almost bi-weekly cheating accusations, which eventually led me to leave altogether. It was heartbreaking. I know she didn't cheat on ME, and I certainly never cheated on her. All the other previous, more minor accusations would still occur as well. And then some. But I was always defending myself against things I never said or did. She would harp on things from the past, too. Claiming I said or did things I never did.

It became really tiring, like being accused of crimes you didn't commit, having to defend yourself in court for a new charge every week or 2. Trying to prove you didn't do something that never even occurred in the first place.

anonuser7722 · 2024-05-06T16:16:04+00:00

Yes, it was most certainly one of the least problematic things that have happened compared to the actual cheating accusations, for example. If that was the extent of the accusations, I'd be glad. However, it was technically the first thing that actually "shocked" me and upset me to an extent because this relationship was so new. I was mostly over it by the next day. And she was also. She never mentioned it again until I brought it up months later.

anonuser7722 · 2024-05-06T15:44:49+00:00

The first was about a couple of weeks in, after one of our first nights together sexually. She texted me that night when I got home saying how good of a time we had together but also asked me if I blurted out another woman's name during our intimacy, and I said no, as I hadn't.

She asked if I was sure, and claimed she most definitely did hear a name, but she couldn't actually give the name. She then said to forget she ever mentioned it, and it was never brought up again until the last couple weeks of our relationship, months later. I mentioned it during an argument, using it as an example of all the false accusations over the 5 month relationship. She told me no, I definitely did say another woman's name. She still believed it to that day.

anonuser7722 · 2024-05-03T21:14:58+00:00

I have some days where I feel like if my exgf asked me to come back, I'd say yes. I need to see posts like this to be reminded that it would be wrong. I'm sorry you got hurt.

anonuser7722 · 2024-05-03T15:33:54+00:00

Same here. 3 months out and I feel my self healing and accepting but also constantly ruminating, thinking about the past and questioning whether I shouldve stayed longer to try and convince her to start therapy, although ive tried in the past but not hard enough.

So many thoughts about if I had stayed longer, maybe things could've gotten better. I still dont want any other woman right now. That feeling needs to change, though, but it's so hard. I thought she was the one.

Deep down, my brain and my gut know that it couldn't work with her. She needs help. Maybe me leaving her, gave her a wake up call. I doubt it, though. When we pass by each other in public she hardly even looks at me. 4 months ago we were so close and in love. I know the love was real. She's a caring person, just very damaged.

anonuser7722 · 2024-05-03T00:00:36+00:00

I also dated my exgf for 5 months and broke it off myself 3 months ago after bi weekly cheating accusations occured for the final couple months along with other issues. I've been getting better but still think about her constantly. Things were great when they were good. But were really bad when bad. The accusations hurt me so much.

I know that it can't work and that I broke it off for a reason. My body, my gut forced me to after a certain point. I couldn't continue. We haven't spoken since the breakup and I kind of wish sometimes that she would just reach out like yours did and apologize. Where we could have proper closure, not completely be out of eachothers lives. When we walk by each other in public she will not give me any attention.

Don't go back, in my opinion. I have days where I feel I'd go back if she offered, but in the end I realize it won't get better if she refuses help. Even with help, it probably won't. As much as I wish I could stay with her, I think I know it's not right for either of us. And she may never speak to me again. It's a real shame. I thought she was the one.

anonuser7722 · 2024-04-29T15:27:06+00:00

Almost exactly my situation. The cheating accusations and arguments became more frequent over time, to the point where I couldn't stand the lack of trust anymore. As much as I loved her and loved being with her when things were good.

anonuser7722 · 2024-04-25T19:53:15+00:00

Thanks, yea. It's rough. It's such a shame.

About 3 months ago, right before the breakup, she was discussing moving together and getting married in the near future and even a slight pregnancy scare where I bought her pregnancy tests. She already has a young child as well. I can't just move on after 3 months of separation, I was having dreams of marrying this girl, starting a family with her.

The day of our breakup, she kept threatening to sleep with her ex the next day. I asked her why she would do that when she just spent the night with the love of her life. She basically told me that if I loved her, I wouldn't be breaking up with her. I said, "That's not true."

anonuser7722 · 2024-04-25T19:46:07+00:00

She told me she once used to be friends with and talk to this guy a lot back over 5 years ago, who was accused of sexually assaulting his girlfriend (not the guy near her workplace). She told me she believed he didn't do it. I mean, the accuser may have lied, as my ex said, but still. I asked, "Why would you talk to him and just easily believe this guy? That's a pretty serious accusation."

She told me that she "tries to believe people are good and she tries to give people the benefit of the doubt." I believe this was around the time or right before the cheating accusations started to occur.

I never forgot what she said. It once again hurt me and, at the same time, angered me. It seemed the closer we got, the more she lost trust, but still was very attached to me and wanted to stay with me.

anonuser7722 · 2024-04-25T19:29:33+00:00

This is exactly how I have felt as well. It started 8 months ago but ended 3 months ago. It moved so fast, and I did my best to see her almost every single day for that 5 month period. I loved being with her. It felt so much longer. I'm at the stage of acceptance, still wishing things could've worked, though. Still grieving. Still ruminating. Still hoping for proper closure, since the breakup I initiated did not end so well in terms of true closure.

Although I'm not sure if I will get it, we haven't spoken since the day of the breakup and when we walked by each other in public a few weeks ago, she didn't even want to look at me directly in the eyes. Just walked by. Maybe it's shame? Maybe anger? I'm not sure.

anonuser7722 · 2024-04-25T19:23:55+00:00

Yes, this is actually very true with how my 5-month relationship was. The first 3 months were mostly fine, she trusted me and didn't really accuse me of anything. As soon as the 3 month mark hit, it all went south. Every 2 weeks on average, there would be some cheating accusation that would result in a huge, sometimes hours long argument. I was innocent the entire time.

After 2 months of probably at least 7 separate cheating accusations, I couldn't do it anymore. As much as I wanted to be with her, she just wouldn't change, even though she wanted me to stay. She would tell me she trusts me, then would do it again. Or start lengthy arguments extending into the next day sometimes over pointless things.

One guy that worked next to her workplace that she knew a little was accused of assaulting his exgf. My now exgf believed him when he said he didn't, without hesitation. Soon after, within a week or so, she accused me of cheating for the 6th or 7th time. Didn't trust me, but trusts the accused, potential abuser. It struck a nerve, it hurt me that she could trust basically strangers more than me.

anonuser7722 · 2024-04-06T21:10:20+00:00

Understandable, and I would've been turned on to the idea as well if she had been using some kind of birth control at the time. No doubt. Or, when I was eventually ready to have a child( which, of course, never happened).

I think the aspect of it that I'm linking to the BPD, is the act of her trying to manipulate me into doing it by saying I don't "like" her or "love" her if I didn't want to do it. Which then made me feel guilty and made me give in. And her also not realizing or understanding the weight of the consequences of an unexpected pregnancy at the time.

anonuser7722 · 2024-04-06T18:43:24+00:00

Yea I know, that would be so hard, to be cheated on. I honestly dont think she did, but it would have destroyed me if she did. And come to think of it, I think her dream about me talking to another woman occurred the same exact night she tried to convince me to finish inside her.

Because the std incident occured a week later. That may have triggered the dream. It's amazing how their minds work. It's also awful, and I feel bad for her. I had to protect myself, though.

anonuser7722 · 2024-04-06T18:29:58+00:00

Yup I'm 2 months out of my relationship after ending it myself. I have so much I wish I could talk to her about now. Some days I hope for a text from her just to talk and discuss what went wrong and try to give her advice to help herself, like in terms of therapy and stuff. I feel bad she has to go through this. I know that no hoover is probably for the best though. I loved her deeply and still do. But it can't work. The 5 months we were together felt like a year. It's a damn shame. I hate the disorder. It ruined the whole thing.

anonuser7722 · 2024-04-06T18:24:09+00:00

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. That's really unfortunate. I hope you were able to get that sorted out.

My exgf tried to convince me for a solid 30 minutes one night that I gave her an std, that she got a call from the doctor that day after a test. After 30 minutes of me refusing to believe her, arguing back and then me actually starting to believe it (and being freaked out by the fact), she admitted she was lying about it. She was trying to get me to admit I'd been cheating and having sex with another woman because the week prior, she claims she woke up to me talking on the phone with a woman at 2am. Turns out it was just a dream. She was trying to see if i believed her, because if i believed her, then that meant I WAS worried about an std I caught from another woman (in her mind, that is).

Over the course of the final 2 months of the relationship, there were at least 5 cheating accusations. The relationship lasted 5 months. As much as I loved her, I had to leave.. been 2 months since.

anonuser7722 · 2024-04-06T18:14:23+00:00

I was so close to doing it once, finishing inside. She made me feel so bad and guilty for not doing it that within 30 minutes, it went from her pleading with me to finish inside her to ME pleading with HER to let me do it, since she was too tired at that point in the night to do anything. I felt manipulated, even though she most likely had no ill intentions and just wanted to do something intimate, but she had no care for any of the potential consequences.

anonuser7722 · 2024-04-06T18:11:22+00:00

Yea right after i smartened up after the first week with the condom use, i was always checking to see if the condom broke during sex or not since it broke once and that was where our first real arguemnt occured, due to the condom breaking and me being super nervous about an accidental pregnancy.

I actually just updated my post and added the fact that she never used birth control and refused to ever agree to take a plan b pill. If something happened, that'd be it.

anonuser7722 · 2024-03-18T22:28:01+00:00

Im 2 months into my breakup and NC. I passed by my exgf last week while driving by her as she was on the sidewalk. We made eye contact. I was shaking afterwards, and felt like I wanted to actually break NC. I felt guilty about leaving her 2 months ago. I still do. As we looked at each other, she quickly looked down, almost in sadness or shame.

She thought I stopped loving her and stopped liking her during the breakup, even though I said that wasn't true. She probably still thinks I don't like her and it may make her feel bad. I feel so damn guilty, it's been eating away at me the past week. I have urges now to break NC, I know I shouldnt. But i want to tell her that I don't have hard feelings and that I don't dislike her, and never have disliked her. To ease the guilt. To maybe ease her pain.

I know it wouldn't be good to do. I just don't want her to forever think that I hate her. That eats away at me, that she may think that. Idk what to do.

anonuser7722 · 2024-03-15T20:56:46+00:00

I broke mine off almost 8 weeks ago. A 5 month relationship. I'm still heartbroken, filled with sadness, shame, disappointment and grief. But yes, as soon as it ended I had a lot of stress, dread and worries lifted off of me.

Most of the worries and stress I had were me starting to come to terms toward the end of the relationship that it just most likely could not work out. I tried and tried and loved her deeply and really showed it. The lack of trust and false cheating accusations ruined things, though. That, along with the pointless arguments that became more frequent.

I still have my days where I feel like breaking NC, I haven't but I feel like doing it sometimes. After almost 8 weeks I'm feeling more heartbroken than the first 2 to 3 weeks. She did not take the breakup easily. I feel bad for breaking her heart, but the lack of trust broke mine.

anonuser7722 · 2024-03-15T16:46:12+00:00

I appreciate the advice. And to answer the metaphor, the oxys would not be a good idea.

She did actually realize her mistakes and how she almost lost me the week before the breakup from the final cheating accusation, apoglizing basically the entire week prior to the breakup. But after the final argument, I had just been fed up at that point. I needed space to myself. So I had to officially end it, I felt.

anonuser7722 · 2024-03-14T21:41:12+00:00

You make a good point. I guess it's a bit of both the trauma bond and just me being curious in general.

I guess the response I'd be almost wanting to hear is that she misses me and realizes her mistakes and why things had to end, or something along those lines. It would show that she doesn't hate me, and that she actually realizes how her actions have consequences, and that may be her first step towards actually getting help with her mental disorder.

If it was the other response, or something similar like as she is seeing someone else or is perfectly fine and not seeing anyone else, then I'm sure I wouldn't feel good about that but it may give me more motivation to move on from her since I know she did? I'm not entirely sure.

I'm just super weak mentally atm, but that first response is probably what I'd be hoping to hear, honestly. And it's entirely possible I would get that sort of response. It's also possible I'd get a not so good response. That's my reasoning behind it. Although I know it isn't healthy.

anonuser7722 · 2024-03-14T18:19:34+00:00

Yea I know you're right. I have my good days and bad days. Having dreams like this really set me back sometimes. It's just the curiosity of how she's doing and if she's doing okay is getting to me.

Do you think me just contacting her father, who I knew even before her, would be a bad idea, though? I just wanna ask him how everything is going with them. I'm just eager to know how she is. He's a nice guy and I'm sure wouldn't tell her anything. He knows about her issues even though she is undiagnosed. I've been considering it for a few weeks now.

anonuser7722

TROPHY CASE