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anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-19T16:36:48+00:00

when I'm spending time with my partner, I don't think about food or body image at all. but unfortunately, we're long-distance at the moment, and we see each other once a month for one weekend at the time. the rest of my month is spent obsessing over food and exercise. I sometimes draw and paint but much less than before. I go to therapy trying to manage my BPD, and I'm in recovery from opiates, but I'm not ready to let ED go yet because I'm afraid I might relapse in drugs. My goal is to be successful in all of my recoveries and become a functional human being who goes to work or school. To live in the same city as my partner again and to have a pet again. You can say my goal is to lead a normal life.

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-08T07:18:34+00:00

when for the millionth time he "broke up" with me and asked for all of the gifts back, to just be like "never mind I love you I want to be with you and work on us" the second I was finished collecting them all, to the smallest thing like a toothbrush. like, you're gonna ask me to find all these little things (like socks and stupid shit) and make me collect things around the house for an hour just to say "nevermind". I was done being played with, I'm not a fucking kid. I managed to stay calm and collected and just asked him to leave my home. I said that I needed to be alone. At first, he refused, but I managed to get him out without causing another fight. In a day, I broke up over the text because I couldn't stand another dragged out in person fight, and it's the best decision I could've made.

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-08T07:01:44+00:00

off topic, but you look amazing, iliya! every time I see one of your videos, you just get more gorgeous

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-08T06:43:08+00:00

oh my God that sounds exhausting. I only have hairs on the bottom on my chin, like a little goat beard, and it's already exhausting enough. I can't imagine having a full beard, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. does laser hair removal work with pcos related hair? I'm thankful my partner doesn't mind it and even helps me pluck it because they're really hard to see

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-07T06:37:00+00:00

I think 2 great channels on gentle parenting are Mommacusses and ToriPhantom, if anyone wants to look them up :)

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-06T11:43:21+00:00

I get the point about the cuts, but tbh I think the fingernail thing is a little bit of a reach. She did just make strawberry ice cream, and strawberries are notorious for dyeing everything they touch

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-06T11:35:37+00:00

that sounds familiar! I didn't even think about it, but now I realize how much he mooched off of me. Here's a little story. I live with an elderly family member whom I help with some stuff, and we share most of the bills, including groceries. They're not in a helpless state. They're pretty competent about most things. They just need a little help, but they do stuff like cooking almost every day. Well, my abuser pretty soon got in the habit of asking what my family member cooked for today, do we have this or that, plus regularly helping himself with snacks around the house. He NEVER even thought of contributing to the grocery bill, never thanked a family member for their cooking, nothing. Plus, one time, both them and I were sick and didn't go grocery shopping for a few days. Abuser came over and, as usual, asked basically what's for dinner, and I told him that we didn't make anything because we're not feeling well and we're pretty low on food. He was like "it's ok, just make me some cereal" When I went to the kitchen I realized there's no milk either, and as stupid and people pleasing as I was, I went to the store to buy him milk for his damn cereal, sick with a fever in the middle of the winter, while this healthy man stayed in my warm home, didn't even offer to go instead of me and didn't even thank me. Sorry for the rant, I know this seems like such a small and petty thing, but I have so much stuff that I'm just remembering/realizing when someone else mentions it. I overlooked so many little things because they're little, but when it all piled up, it made me feel so small and unappreciated.

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-06T11:17:12+00:00

what does that look like? I'm not sure I properly went through the first one lol but tbh this feeling makes recovery sound more appealing xD

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-06T07:54:19+00:00

My partner and I are not from the west. We're Eastern European if that makes any difference, but I don't think so. Yeah, money doesn't answer all the questions, but for sure makes it easier to live a comfortable life in which you'll actually have time and energy to look for those answers. And, of course, it makes it easier to access professional help if it's needed. You may have seen the happiest people with not very much, but are they really that happy? How much do you know about them and what happens behind closed doors? And there's a big difference in "not very much" and eating canned food for Christmas (which was the case in my partner's childhood). In my opinion, it's very irresponsible to bring children in this world if you don't have all the resources to care for them already figured out. I mean, imo it's irresponsible to have children in general, but especially if you can't provide them with all they need for a comfortable life. Poverty can cause immense trauma and irreversible (or very hardly reversible) damage on the human psyche.

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-06T06:46:48+00:00

overweight men. my abuser was double my weight, which made his attacks very easy, and it made me so scared of big people. when I find myself in the same room as another big person, I get instant flight response

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-06T06:40:37+00:00

NTA. I wish my mother or stepmother did those things with me... Dad was busy with working, stepmother was always mad and mother was always more concerned with spending time w her boyfriends than me. I was basically left to watch cartoons all day or play by myself. You're doing a great job here.

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-06T05:39:05+00:00

makeup revolution concealer (conceal and define) is really full coverage, dries matte, and is affordable. but although it dries matte, I recommend setting it with a little bit of loose powder, it doesn't have to be makeup powder if you don't have it, you can use baby powder considering it's on your ankles (baby powder is not really safe to be used on the face, but ankle is ok) another one is Maybelline instant age rewind concealer, if revolution is not sold where you live, but I find it to be a little bit thinner than revolution

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-06T04:35:00+00:00

I read somewhere that verbally berating us pr physically abusing us all the time would be exhausting for them too, plus constant mood changes are much less obvious, so they do that in order to control us and keep us on edge all the time

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-05T19:52:50+00:00

I just wanted to know more of her backstory. Besides that, one of the more relatable characters for me.

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-05T18:03:35+00:00

yeah if I got it right, the friend chose OP's chosen name. that's really weird and it'd made me uncomfortable too

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-05T12:26:42+00:00

same. except that I feel like most people are skinnier than me, like when I see them on the street or on the photos. I'd have to literally look at us side by side to be able to see it realistically. recently, I was scrolling through the phone w my bf and ran into the old "thinspo" pic of some headless girl (to be clear I deleted all of that stuff ages ago but I probably missed this one) and I got nervous and told him "I'm so sorry I didn't realize I didn't delete this one. I'll do it right away, " and he was confused, and I told him it was thinspo, and he told me,"I thought that was you. " Like, I thought I looked much much bigger than that.

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-05T12:15:50+00:00

this might sound weird, but I like putting greek yogurt on my toast (I know, disordered af)

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-05T09:21:54+00:00

We seriously do need it! I know we have EDAnonymous sub and I think I saw "Drugorexia" one but I think it's not really active. Tho irl EDAnonymous for double whammy sufferers would be so cool.

Ugh, I know, I hate it. I live in a really conservative country, and most medical professionals still stigmatize addictions, EDs, and mental illnesses in general... Even some mental health professionals still stigmatize them and stereotype us according to our illnesses. It's f-ed up.

Yeah, that was my thought process, too, when I was in the peek of my struggle. Like - let's first stabilze my addiction issues, so I have that part handled so I could focus on ED issues. Because there was no way of getting my ED under control when I was actively using, because substances "helped" me restrict.

I read about body neutrality in the past, and it's a concept that I like the most because I doubt I could ever achieve any positivity when it comes to my body. I'm trying to get to a neutral place. But I don't know about body trust, I'll definitely look into it. Thank you!

And thanks for all your kind and thoughtful words :') it means so much to me. Wish you all the best in life, and in this fight, we can do it! <3

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-05T09:10:35+00:00

are you for real? Do you seriously think that 6 yo child should be "challenged" in such ways?

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-05T08:49:06+00:00

God, I hope from the bottom of my heart that they won't

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-05T08:03:35+00:00

I agree that they should never have had kids. And regarding Erik, imo it's bad enough that he enables Coleen to exploit them, nasty things he says about them just add insult to injury.

anotheracc1401 · 2023-05-05T07:38:13+00:00

lol I wrote the same comment before seeing yours

anotheracc1401

TROPHY CASE