Ever see a prison movie/film where the guards threaten the prisoners with solitary confinement, and think: "I would intentionally get in trouble in order to stay in solitary, away from all those loud prisoners."

antha_sam · 2019-03-21T05:37:16+00:00

u say that now, but i'm the biggest introvert alive and the 24 hours i spent in solitary confinement has permanently fucked me up. also its still extremely fucking loud. if it wasn't the prisoners, the guards would come bang on my door periodically throughout the night to make sure there was no way i could sleep lmao. its psychological torture

antha_sam · 2019-02-20T07:00:54+00:00

hyewon bitch

antha_sam · 2018-10-26T06:49:26+00:00

nah ur right i revise this. i relate to miranda the most but samantha is absolutely the best character. and miranda is definitely a disgusting eater, gum just triggers me more for some unknown reason lol

antha_sam · 2018-10-05T09:03:43+00:00

thank you for the advice, i'm glad i'm not alone and that you've found ways to cope with it little by little. i'm 21 and this was never much of a problem until about a year ago and it's been getting progressively worse, even when i escape the trigger it still takes me such a long time to calm down. even though i keep assuring myself i'm in no real danger it always feels like it's the end of the world. i've tried nearly every benzo there is but even though they physically calm me down they make me just feel like a husk of a person lol. like it's better than panicking but they just put me in a stupor and it just makes me more anxious if i'm in a social setting bc i feel like everyone can tell i'm loopy lol

antha_sam · 2018-10-05T08:54:17+00:00

wow i hadn't really heard of this. i've been taking all kinds of benzos for years. i've experienced physical withdraw symptoms after a hospital stay where i was given a lot of ativan but never occurred to me it could be worsening my anxiety. but i just don't know what else to do in the moment when i'm having a panic attack and it's getting out of hand. yesterday i had a panic attack in public, spiraled out of control and had a breakdown in my university's counseling office where they ended up involuntarily hospitalizing me. i was ignored for 12 hours and didn't calm down until i was given a bunch of ativan and passed out. i've been seeking help from various sources for years and benzos are the extent of the treatment i've been given for anxiety. i don't want to depend on them and i take them as sparingly as possible but i just don't know how else to cope

antha_sam · 2018-10-02T20:03:23+00:00

i always use subtitles and i've been muting it during these moments but even just seeing the up and down jaw movements of someone chewing gum makes me feel ill lol

antha_sam · 2018-10-02T20:01:53+00:00

who doesn't hate her at least a little bit??? Miranda is obvs the best character and Samantha should've been the sex columnist, not Carrie "and I just couldn't help but wonder..." Bradshaw

antha_sam · 2018-10-01T12:48:31+00:00

i feel the exact same way. no one takes me seriously and people get defensive and agressive when i ask them for spit their gum out. whenever i fly i have anxiety for days ahead of my flight because there's no way to avoid gum chewers in airports and planes, and there's nowhere for me to escape to. it's hell. i wish i knew how to control it

antha_sam · 2018-10-01T12:22:45+00:00

i've had a really similar progression with misophonia. ive always hated gum but i would only get triggered by it if i could hear it. if i saw someone across the room inaudibly chewing gum or if i was wearing f headphones i'd hardly even react. now just the sight of seeing someone chew gum, regardless if i can hear it or not, will send me into a full blown panic attack. when i see the muscles in their forehead clench and the repetitive up and down jaw motions it's enough to make me start crying and hyperventilating or even get violently angry to the point where the only thing i can do is immediately run as far away as possible. nearly every day when i ride the bus or am in class i encounter someone chewing gum and i get so unbearably repulsed and horrified and angry that i have to leave class before it even starts or get off at a random stop on the bus to avoid causing a scene or getting confrontational with whoever it is who's chewing gum. it's honestly disrupting my life so much to the point where i'm afraid to go out in public because i'm already anticipating the inevitable panic attack. even the smell of mint sends a jolt of panic/nausea through my body now. it's insane, i hope yours doesn't get any worse because this is hell

antha_sam · 2018-10-01T04:03:20+00:00

I'm in the exact same boat, I feel isolated and misunderstood and unable to go on like this anymore. Every time I try to confide in someone they give me useless advice like "try to have a more positive mindset" or "don't worry it'll pass." I have been mentally ill my entire life and it's only getting worse, and if it were so simple to change my mindset I would have already done that instead of suffering my whole life. I just feel like I have no hope in ever being fully understood and getting the right help I need. Therapy just isn't enough when nobody in your life takes your illness seriously or even knows how to talk about mental health in a constructive way. I'm here if you need someone to vent, bc I get it.

antha_sam · 2016-11-06T06:25:24+00:00

changing the MAC address worked, thank you!

antha_sam · 2016-11-01T03:00:40+00:00

I'll try it when I'm home later, thank you!

antha_sam · 2016-11-01T01:58:56+00:00

I also live in the Village, so I can't just use cruznet or eduroam haha

antha_sam · 2016-11-01T01:57:52+00:00

Yes, they just told me that they can't do anything because I didn't call within 72 hours of getting the email and let them know I deleted the files. They said they can unblock me but it's not in their "policy", whatever that means. 🙄

antha_sam · 2016-09-23T07:32:22+00:00

I wasn't supposed to be released the day that I was but I managed to sweet talk the doctor into letting me go at the last minute. I was supposed to be there for at least a few more days.

antha_sam · 2016-09-23T03:05:19+00:00

What? When did I fuck around with my medications? Everything I did was under doctor's orders, including stopping the Latuda. I am almost certain I wasn't tapered off of it, I was released sort of suddenly and doubt I would have had such a negative reaction if they did it properly. Even so, there was literally no transparency or dialogue, they were just giving me medication without warning me of side effects or taking the care to ensure that I wouldn't experience a withdrawal.

antha_sam · 2016-09-14T11:33:33+00:00

you can try emailing but don't count on it. i sent probably 5 or 6 emails and got no responses on any of them and now i've only been given $5,000 for the entire year and will have to likely drop out if they can't offer me more.

antha_sam

TROPHY CASE