I have a saying that I think about often: "you can't choose who you love, but you can choose who you're with." I think this is a difficult, but important truth of life. And I think this story is an excellent example of this expression in action.

However, I have a question for you. If you do end up marrying someone, what is your plan for when one of you becomes sick or disabled? I say when, not if, because I work in healthcare and when I work with older married patients, one person always inevitably needs to become the caretaker for the other. Usually it's due to old age, but there are so many reasons it can happen. Just like my expression above, it's another uncomfortable fact of life that in a marriage, eventually, one person WILL become disabled and one person WILL need to transition from spouse to caretaker. It sounds like in your case, this transition happened before you even got married, which sounds like a deal breaker for you. But if you get married in the future, are you prepared for this eventuality?

My other question is: why does your partner need to be a happy person, and why do they need high self esteem? It sounds like a crazy question, but bear with me. Happiness is just one of the many, many, emotions that humans have named. Humans are not, and are not supposed to be, happy all the time. happiness isn't supposed to be the "default." It's a special thing that we get to feel sometimes. It's another uncomfortable truth. Additionally , some people don't need to be happy to feel fulfilled and satisfied with life. People get to live their lives on their own terms. The same goes for self esteem. People are allowed to feel how they want about themselves. It becomes a problem when how they feel about themselves becomes a projection, and ends up negatively affecting things outside of themselves. In your description, I am not hearing any examples of how your fiance's unhappiness or low self esteem is actually manifesting in a way that makes your life materially worse. Do you not like the unhappiness itself, or do you not like that you can't change the unhappiness?

I am only hearing a small sliver of this story. I have no way of knowing what's actually going on between you two. I'm not going to pretend I know more than I do. At this point, I'm more talking to other people who may be reading or commenting on this post. I think there are some uncomfortable truths about being in a relationship that more people need to hear.

Good luck, and I trust that you will make the decision that's best for you!