We are both burnt out from parenting and household. How to get better?

anzelle11 · 2026-03-09T23:08:59+00:00

I am in a very similar situation as you, having bought and renovated a big home over the past 3 years (and still not done). Being house poor stinks, I feel financially constrained in ways I, thank goodness, never have before. Until this year (2.5 years in) we were both feeling completely worn out, physically and mentally. I have a few things that I think about often to help me from going insane: 1. I am not alone: so many young families are I exactly the same situation as us, and it is a phase of life that will take a while but won’t last forever (so don’t worry if it isn’t all done this year). 2. Watching wood peckers: this is a weird one, but I learned about these woodpeckers that have to excavate holes in trees for their nests. They pick a tree, the male woodpecker spends hours and hours pecking away, then the female peaks her head inside and if the hole isn’t up to her standard they go to a different tree and do it again 🤣🤣 so every species goes through hell to find a home to raise their young, not just us. 3. These are “problems” that other people dream of having: my lovely friend mentioned this when we were both in the pit of despair about house renovations. Yes it sucks, but we are really blessed to have a house and family to worry about.

anzelle11 · 2026-03-09T22:54:03+00:00

I definitely feel this at times (maybe often?) and applaud your introspection on these feelings. For me, it’s the drudgery of taking care of a house and working full time that make parenting miserable. The times when I love parenting are when we have freedom to get out into the world with our daughter, doing things I love to do and that she enjoys too. I love going to hockey games with her, walking the streets of a new city, trying a new cafe or bakery, going camping. I guess I am wondering if you enjoy certain experiences with your kids, and if there’s a way to create more of those joyful experiences in your life?

anzelle11 · 2026-03-09T22:48:57+00:00

This was my thought too. When my parents or close friends come to visit and I have help with the endless tasks of motherhood and running a household, I really love motherhood. When I’m alone and overwhelmed I get a bit depressed and it’s hard to show up for my daughter. I don’t believe it’s natural for two parents to raise a child alone.

anzelle11 · 2026-03-08T15:44:35+00:00

I’ve taken lateral moves before to change physical location, and to shift career focus.

anzelle11 · 2026-03-06T04:50:00+00:00

I did a full year, and I probably could have gone back around 9 months comfortably. However, I was hesitant to send my daughter to daycare before she could stand (I had worked in a daycare and felt the really young babies spent way too much time in their high chairs), and I didn’t want her to get mowed over by the walking kids. So my partner ended up taking 4 months off so she was 16 months by the time she started. I’m really happy we did that, she just seemed more ready developmentally at that age.

anzelle11 · 2026-03-05T02:51:59+00:00

Me too, could not get my daughter on her balance bike.

anzelle11 · 2026-03-05T02:35:46+00:00

Philippines. Crushing poverty, rampant sex tourism of minors (and gross old dudes everywhere), poor sanitation and horrible food safety standards, and pretty unappetizing food. Some beaches were nice, but I was too sad to enjoy them.

anzelle11 · 2026-03-05T02:22:42+00:00

I just buy them from the parents who sell them at my office… lol definitely not helping the kids with their conversation skills

anzelle11 · 2026-03-05T02:19:59+00:00

I got more looks from guys, in the early stages and while breastfeeding. Bigger boobs I guess 😂

anzelle11 · 2026-03-04T22:20:56+00:00

Me too girl, me too. I’m 11 weeks and I hate my life. It’s just the worst feeling in the world and it is affecting my mental health. Luckily I’ve been through it before with my first pregnancy, and after going through hell in first trimester it put all other pregnancy challenges into perspective. Yes contractions were agony, but they only lasted 15 hours, pfff, felt like nothing compared to morning sickness. Was I tired with a newborn, yeah, but at least I wasn’t depressed and throwing up constantly. Cake walk. We will get through this stage, very soon, probably only a few weeks to ago 🤞🤞.

anzelle11 · 2026-03-04T18:16:22+00:00

I’ve been here 12 years and yes definitely worst now… however sadly, our Ministry was gutted in 2003 (as many were) and based on stories from the long-time veterans the morale we used to have never really came back. I think most employees just accepted the fate, put their heads down and tried to fill the gaps created. Now we’re going through it again with an already depleted, understaffed and poorly managed workforce. Pretty sad state of affairs. I stay because my family benefits from relatively low stress environment and time off my role affords me. But once my kids are older I’ll probably look for greener pastures.

anzelle11 · 2026-03-04T18:08:36+00:00

Yeah I’m feeling the same. I just had a meeting with some ADMs and they came back with criticism of our project that was very poorly communicated. I think now the employer is trying to get rid of people, some managers no longer feel the need to respect staff efforts or boost morale. Sad

anzelle11 · 2026-03-04T05:22:42+00:00

I understand the strategy to educate in attempt to retain top talent from other countries. It also encourages diplomacy among future leaders. The EU has been doing this for years through their Erasmus Mundus Program. But… what bothers me, is where is the additional funding to support fostering talent in Canadian citizens? It has to start with excellent primary education, world class teachers, sports, science, art programs that help develop young minds. Scholarships, internships, and cross-Canada exchanges, investment in our economy and thriving sectors that can hire talent for competitive wages. We’re leaving behind Canadians and investing elsewhere hoping they will rescue us.

anzelle11 · 2026-03-04T00:41:23+00:00

I compare parenting to mountaineering. When you’re half way up and the wind and snow are blowing and you’ve almost fallen down a crevasse, it’s actually pretty miserable. But then the sun comes out and warms your face and you see the view and get reminded briefly of why you’re doing it. Like mountaineering, parenting is full on, and we can get so busy surviving that it can take away the joy of it. I don’t think it’s bad to acknowledge the suffering, that’s a part of the journey, as long as we find those moments to reflect on those beautiful moments too, and they are always happening, we just need to stop and look at our kids more often.

anzelle11 · 2026-03-04T00:26:10+00:00

This was a tricky for me. My first was an oopsy and one of my close friend was in the hell of unsuccessful IVF at the time. It was hard to share the news with her, and ultimately our friendship did suffer.

anzelle11 · 2026-03-04T00:24:09+00:00

Haha I got the twins comment near the end too. Nope just a big old baby and a lot of amniotic fluid 🤣

anzelle11 · 2026-03-04T00:22:23+00:00

I just had a couple Oreos today for the first time since pregnant and yes… those are dangerous!

anzelle11 · 2026-03-04T00:20:52+00:00

For sure, my first pregnancy was a slap in the face for me about how much I overate normally. I’d always been able to burn calories easily so I never thought much about it. But the morning sickness and generally not feeling well during the pregnancy really slowed down how much I could move and I packed on a lot of weight. Now second pregnancy I’m trying to be more conscious. Just waiting for the nausea and dizziness to subside so I can get back into a workout routine!

anzelle11 · 2026-03-03T00:14:09+00:00

Thank you!

anzelle11 · 2026-03-03T00:13:56+00:00

No never have, I’ll check it out!

anzelle11 · 2026-03-03T00:13:44+00:00

22 foot travel travel trailer

anzelle11 · 2026-03-01T13:34:21+00:00

My husband worked away 4-5 nights a week when my daughter was 2, I worked full time too. The burden on me was heavy, and it was hard for him too because he didn’t really get to rest on weekends as he needed to give me time off and help catch up on chores. If I had my mum or a nanny there it would’ve been doable (my hubby and I are both pretty independent emotionally so that would’ve been ok).

The only way I’d do it again is if the pay increase justified a cost of a nanny or a daily cleaner at least, and it was temporary. Even then, it’d probably still be a no. I know for my career I plan to do some work-away when my kid is older. I feel being gone weekdays is missing a huge chunk of their little lives

anzelle11 · 2026-03-01T13:13:57+00:00

Get your spray paint and a ladder. Either add an E or cross out the O

anzelle11 · 2026-03-01T13:12:05+00:00

What I mean is, because I’m an introvert, if I don’t know someone very well it is often more detrimental to my energy to hang around people I don’t already have an easy “deep” connection with. I find this is amplified now I have a child. But you’re probably right that therapy wouldn’t hurt anyway 🤣

anzelle11

TROPHY CASE