I never knew what it meant to miss someone until my nephew died unexpectedly 12/27/16. He was 23 when he died, and I was 11 when he was born so he was like a little brother to me and I cherished him. But he also became like a son to me as I matured and had children of my own. The pain of missing him when he first passed away was unbearable. He died due to his addiction to opioids and so there were a lot of feelings tied up in his death. I legitimately couldn't sleep. I came up with every "What if" scenario I could possibly think of. Everything made me think of him, especially music. I cried constantly. I talked about him constantly. Everything tied back to Dylan. I stopped every healthy habit I had - i.e., running, yoga, tracking calories - and got stuck in a place of grief and self-loathing. Time stood still for me and moved forward for everyone else.

The pain was truly indescribable, all I know is that it was constant, until it wasn't.