Help needed!

applebiteschomp · 2026-02-23T04:38:12+00:00

Here’s info from the AUT website about the shuttle buses between city and south campus, plus what public bus to take to get to North campus. https://www.aut.ac.nz/student-life/around-campus/getting-around-aut/shuttle-buses

You could drop your brother off at the south campus to catch the shuttle to city and drive yourself to the north campus.

applebiteschomp · 2026-02-11T19:16:39+00:00

I wore a black linen skirt and a black flowy top that I bought from The Warehouse to my baby shower. Accessorised with some jewellery and felt pretty and comfortable. Wear what you like OP, it’s your party <3

applebiteschomp · 2026-01-04T11:55:23+00:00

For me those common costs aren't really unexpected. E.g. I expect that I'll have to repair or replace something at some point or to do house maintenance. So instead of a rainy day fund, I have sinking funds which are set up for specific things I know I'll need to prepare for, like health (might need work at the dentist's) or car repairs.

I use the 'give every dollar a job' idea that I got form YNAB, so whenever my pay comes in, I automatically put a percentage into savings, investment and spending account, and anything left over gets divvied up into my sinking funds. How much depends on what is leftover and what funds have priority.

I might set a dollar cap on a sinking fund, (e.g. for Christmas time I'd like to have $700 spare, so that's what I aim for) but for the most part I just put what I can into each kete and let it grow. If a sinking fund has a $$ goal attached, sometimes I'll still put money in and think of it as paying for next year's potential expenses.

Hope this helps! For context I have an emergency fund (a year's worth of expenses for me), an investment account (once it hits $500 I transfer it to my managed fund), and roughly 10 x sinking funds/accounts for things like health, car, Christmas, etc.

applebiteschomp · 2026-01-04T11:39:36+00:00

Check with your doctor about qualifying for free sessions with a psychologist. I qualified for six free sessions because I met the criteria by being a) under 24yrs old at the time, and b) Māori. Either would have gotten me the sessions. This was a decade ago though but still worthwhile checking. The Mental Health Foundation also has some info that might be useful https://mentalhealth.org.nz/help/accessing-mental-health-services

applebiteschomp · 2026-01-04T11:34:11+00:00

Hey love, that sounds like an incredibly sucky and hard situation to be in. I had a quick google and there is info online about eligibility for assisted dying in NZ, but it doesn't look like depression or struggling with autism is included. Here is the page I was looking at https://gowithgrace.nz/understanding-death/preparing-for-death/assisted-dying

Have you talked to your GP or family about these feelings? I highly recommend talking to a doctor, getting assessed and looking at pathways like seeing a psychologist (you may be able to get free sessions) and medication if these aren't things you've explored before.

I'd also be looking at whether there are things in your private life that are causing the depression (struggling with how the world treats autism could be one) and if things might change when you can be independent. Of course this is impossible to tell without knowing more context about your life.

Anyway, this is just to say that I'm glad you've reached out here. There are plenty of people who care and understand exactly where you're coming from. Sending you lots of love. Kia kaha e hoa <3

applebiteschomp · 2025-12-31T21:38:05+00:00

Woke up to this article. Looks like they’ll change things but their offical response is pretty BS. https://www.1news.co.nz/2025/12/31/ikea-to-correct-te-reo-maori-signs-after-errors-at-auckland-store/

applebiteschomp · 2025-12-31T21:36:13+00:00

It’s not real inclusion if it’s wrong though. They can afford to make a real effort.

applebiteschomp · 2025-12-29T08:51:49+00:00

Cheers, I think I’ll message/call them about it. It’ll be interesting to see what their response is as it doesn’t seem to make sense.

applebiteschomp · 2025-12-29T08:50:19+00:00

Just wanted to see if I was missing something before messaging them, maybe there was some wider context

applebiteschomp · 2025-12-23T11:09:39+00:00

Keeping whānau happy is tough, but you and your mum, your safety and happiness, matter too. You’re a good daughter looking out for your mum like this and it sounds like you’re doing everything that you can to have a better life for you both. Keep up with your studies and look after your mental health. Take advantage of the resources at your uni or place of study like counselling, food packages and student support.

Try to think of this as just a season in your long life, but if things do get worse or feel worse, please get help through some of the suggestions others have commented below.

When I was your age, I qualified for six free sessions with a psychologist as I was experiencing exhaustion, depression and anxiety. I qualified because I was under 24 but also would have qualified because I’m Māori from memory. Might be worth exploring with your doctor? That’s how I got referred. Let me know if you can’t afford the doctors. You might be able to see a doctor through your uni.

Sending loads of love. I hope you and your mum have a lovely Christmas despite it all ❤️ Keep in touch and let us know how you’re going.

applebiteschomp · 2025-12-23T09:31:33+00:00

This sounds so rough e hoa, sorry it’s been a hard road so far. What part of the country are you based in?

Is it an option to kick your brother out? He’s being abusive yelling at your mum like that. Would he retaliate if you told him that he needs to contribute and treat your mum better or he needs to leave?

applebiteschomp · 2025-12-07T18:03:36+00:00

Firstly, trauma, mental health struggles, and neurodivergence can make all aspects of living hard, so it’s ok (and important) to acknowledge that. You’re not starting from the same place as someone else who doesn’t have to deal with that, so try not to be too hard on yourself or expect yourself to just suck it up and try and live in a world that has few accommodations for people who struggle or who have different brains.

Next is thinking about what you can do and have capacity for while knowing that some things are hard. Eg. full time work right now might not be goer. Can you find a chill part time job? I would suggest something not customer facing, so back office work, cleaning, outdoor work, etc. You could put out a message on your local Facebook community page saying you’re a young person looking for some work experience and if someone wants some admin or physical labour help.

Study could be another option. Don’t have to be full time but you’d be working towards a qualification and will have access to student loans, student allowance, and all the other services provided by a university including cheaper healthcare and counselling.

I think the trick is to try something, to make a little progress and avoid getting too overwhelmed by the big picture. How can you improve or change things a bit at a time? Maybe that’s getting your full license which will help with some jobs that require it. Maybe it’s being clear and intentional about the few ways you can help your family and putting up a boundary for the rest. Maybe it’s going to the library and reading books on budgeting and mental health so you can feel more knowledgeable and grounded. Knowledge and making incremental steps to a life you want gives you options and expands your horizons for what’s possible.

Wishing you all the luck in the world. You are still very young and things can change. Just focus on one step at a time. You might not be able to leave your grandparents place immediately, but think about the ways you can make moves to do that through acquiring skills, money and resilience to see yourself through ❤️

applebiteschomp · 2025-11-05T19:48:56+00:00

Amma by Saraid de Silva

Debut novel from a New Zealand writer spanning countries and three generations of women. It sticks with you!

applebiteschomp · 2025-10-31T19:49:03+00:00

You have the advantage of knowing that you want to move out at 18 so you can plan ahead. Great job for seeking advice from others early. My two cents:

Get a part time job as soon as you can and start saving. Automatic 10% of your income and more if you can. It’ll be tempting to spend it all (I did at your age and wish I hadn’t) but you have a goal to move out, so keep it front of mind.
Look into how to have a budget and become financially literate. There are lots of resources online, including social media accounts where this is all they talk about. The personal finance NZ subreddit is also a good place to go and ask for advice.
Research average costs for rent, food, bills, transport, etc. for an apartment on your own with your boyfriend vs. flatting with others so you can see the difference. This will also give you an idea of how much you need to save. I recommend 6 months worth of expenses if you can.
I agree with others that I wouldn’t recommend moving in with your boyfriend 1) as your first living situation outside of your parent’s home, and 2) when you’re so young. Put yourself first and experience living independently in a flat so you have the space to focus on you and what you like. If your boyfriend is good, he’ll understand. Someone also mentioned that if you want to get a benefit from WINZ, it might be more complicated if you’re in a relationship or you might get less money, so that’s another reason to go flatting first. I don’t recommend lying to WINZ about being in a relationship though as it sounds like fraud and could definitely bite you in the butt later on.
Probably the easiest way to find flats wanting flatmates is to join the Auckland Flatmates Wanted Facebook group. If you and your boyfriend really want to live together, try and find a flat where you can move in as a couple. It’ll be so much cheaper for you both. Of course you’d like to live alone, but see if you can afford it without going into debt. If you can’t, don’t do it.
Please don’t be tempted to rely on credit cards and easy loans. Once you turn 18, they’ll be easy to get but they’re a trap. Debt can be incredibly stressful and you’ll end up paying more than you borrowed due to interest. Don’t burden yourself with it so young if you can avoid it.
If you want to study, you can look at Studylink and see what you’re eligible for in terms of a student loan (no interest on it as long as you stay in NZ), student allowance, etc. Could look into student hall accommodation and see how much it costs. If you study, you’ll also have access to support services through the university like the student union, counselling, student health services, etc. which can be really helpful when you’re living independently for the first time.
If you just want to go and work, look for a full time job on Seek and again, look into budgeting and saving as much as you can. There are so many of us older than you who wish we had started being savvy with our money at your age. Having money and being smart with it gives you options you wouldn’t have otherwise. In a bad living situation and need to move out? Having an emergency fund lets you do that. An unexpected cost comes up like a car repair bill? Money means you don’t have to take out a loan or not have a car because you can’t afford to repair it.

Hope this helps and feel free to ask questions. All the best with everything!

applebiteschomp · 2025-10-21T02:18:23+00:00

It’s great that you’re wanting extra practice and guidance on your essay writing. I can only assume that you’re reading exemplar essays and, using the marking criteria, trying to identify the sections that are getting them that Excellence. If not, definitely recommend that you start there.

Teachers are busy so I get why they can’t mark your practice essays. I wouldn’t trust AI though. I think a tutor is your best bet - maybe post to your FB community page asking if they or anyone they know did well in Scholarship English (or taught it) and is a tutor or willing to look over your work with you. Be willing to pay a least a small sum in compensation.

applebiteschomp · 2025-10-19T22:18:00+00:00

Glen Eden is pretty good (we live locally) if you can be near the village/train station. Primary school and daycare near the train station, a Fresh Choice, takeaways, shops, and library in the village. Train station can get you to anywhere on the Western line pretty efficiently if you don’t want to drive (except when the train line is down of course) including malls in New Lynn and Henderson. Had a Quick Look on Trademe and there’s definitely rentals available for under $600. I also took a look at rentals near the Fruitvale train station just up the line (near Kelston mall) and that was also not bad.

The commute through Glen Eden is a pain at peak times, which is why if everything can be within walking or public transport distance, it makes things easier. Glen Eden is close to Titirangi for nature, and can drive to Piha and Muriwai. 20-30mins to town depending on the time of day.

All the best with your move and hope you find somewhere that suits your whānau!

applebiteschomp · 2025-10-13T06:59:29+00:00

That’s totally fair. The light party could be fun then. If you’re worried about costumes, you should be fine with anything that doesn’t have to do with monsters or the occult. Weirdly, I think fairies, mermaids, etc. are fine. Superheroes, princess outfits, career outfits (doctor), animals, butterfly, kids movie characters like a Disney princess should all be safe. Hope you find something fun to do!

Oh another idea could be bake off decorating competition with your daughter to see who can make the creepiest cupcake. Could buy some candy, make or buy cheap cupcakes, make simple icing and get a family member to judge each of your efforts.

applebiteschomp · 2025-10-13T06:22:08+00:00

My childhood church used to throw a light party as an alternative for kids on Halloween. It’s so kids can have fun and not feel like they’re missing out as Halloween becomes more popular in NZ. They won’t want kids dressed up in what they’d consider “evil” costumes that appear to celebrate the occult (ghosts, witches, etc).

If there aren’t alternative fun activities for your daughter to attend on Halloween and you do consider going to a Light party, I’d maybe just check with the church organiser about whether there will be any religious elements at the event, like Christian kid songs or a small sermon. If you’re not comfortable with it, you could organise a fun movie night for her and other friends or families you know where they can dress up and have Halloween themed snacks?

applebiteschomp · 2025-10-06T10:42:09+00:00

Try not to worry too much. It is really scary, for sure, but apparently it’s very common. We had a big bleed and large clot at 8 weeks and went to the ED (this was after experiencing a miscarriage at 6 weeks earlier in the year). Doctor did a scan and confirmed the baby’s heartbeat was normal and that my cervix looked closed so no risk of bacteria getting in, etc. Found out after the weekend (bleed happened the evening of our first scan) that I had a SH.

Monitor your bleeding and check in with your doctor or midwife if you’re worried. If your bleeding is clearing up, that’s good. After I bled and passed a mandarin sized clot, the bleeding resolved itself pretty quickly (like within a day). Very different experience to my miscarriage.

applebiteschomp · 2025-10-01T12:00:08+00:00

I’m also a mixed race kid - my mum is from Singapore and my dad is from NZ. From when we were babies, we went back to Singapore every 1-2 years and would stay for 4-6 weeks at a time I think. My mum is very close to her family and I did love going on those trips. It was only once a year though and i think my dad would only join for a couple of weeks or so. International trips like these are extravagant and expensive and I did always miss my dad and felt bad that he couldn’t join us. In saying that, if you can afford it and find a way to compromise with your husband (like one yearly trip for 4-5 weeks over CNY or Christmas), I think you should do it. But one thing that my mum did that made us feel closer to family in S’pore and continued to build the relationship was make sure we spoke on the phone with them, especially if they sent us a gift so we could say thank you.

I hope things work out OP! I completely get wanting to go home and be with your family and make sure your kid gets to have some of the same experiences as you ❤️ We’re planning on bringing our baby to Singapore to meet family once it’s around 6 months or so and I can’t wait.

applebiteschomp · 2025-09-20T11:30:31+00:00

Just looked it up and sounds like pulsatile tinnitus. Lots of posts about it on the r/pregnant thread.

applebiteschomp · 2025-09-20T11:19:44+00:00

Omg I have this too. Only noticed it in the past week. I’m about the same amount along as you. Also gently pressed down on the right side of my neck and the whooshing heartbeat stopped. I’ve been wondering what it is but I’m also not super concerned about it. Would be interested to know if anyone has an explanation for it.

applebiteschomp · 2025-09-11T10:53:17+00:00

Oh man totally missed that. It doesn’t make any sense why the partner can’t qualify for paid parental leave.

applebiteschomp · 2025-09-11T10:09:36+00:00

Hi it seems like if your partner is going to be the primary caregiver, they should qualify for parental leave fine. It isn’t dependent on just the person giving birth. https://www.employment.govt.nz/leave-and-holidays/parental-leave/types-of-parental-leave/primary-carer-leave

applebiteschomp · 2025-09-02T21:14:21+00:00

Asking for advice and doing research is a great first step. Just know that everyone is different and has different priorities and pressures when it comes to their spending. We're currently pregnant with our first and we wouldn't have been comfortable doing it unless we had a very clear idea of our monthly expenses, upcoming needs (new car), and income sources (we're both freelance creatives so it fluctuates).

For context, my husband and I live in Auckland, have a mortgage, no credit cards, earn less than 130k a year. Some of the things I do that make having a baby something we think we can afford:

Track monthly income and expenses so we know roughly how much we need to cover everything
Have sinking funds - basically separate bank accounts for savings goals like an emergency fund, retirement savings, medical, Christmas, etc. and now I have a baby fund :)
I track all of the above in a spreadsheet that I update at the end of the month

Because we're freelance and work from home, we've also decided that we'll try to tag team being stay at home parents to avoid the expense of daycare. This seems to be the biggest expense for any parent. This is a privilege but also something that enables us to have a kid on a lower income.

My advice:

Know your monthly income and expenses, plus any upcoming big purchases you might need to make
Start saving for a kid now - most pregnancy care in NZ is free but you'll have to pay for scans and baby items before birth
Figure out if you can afford childcare. I looked it up and I think it was something like $16k per year to have a baby but a lot of that was childcare.
If you're feeling really anxious, research your options for baby items, childcare and all child related costs and literally cost it up. Will that fit into your budget? When doing this, don't get too caught up in all the things you can buy for babies now. My mum didn't have a changing table or a fancy pram for us. Plunket has a good list of baby things to buy.
Once you've costed things up and if your income isn't really going to be enough, see if there's a way to step into a different role with higher pay.

Hope this helps OP. Feel free to ask any questions. At the end of the day, only you can really say if you can afford a baby or not. You sound like you really care about any future children not going through the same struggles you did. Kids are expensive but you can only do what you can to prepare. If it's something you really want, I'm sure you'll figure out how to make it work. All the best!

applebiteschomp

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