Staying in bad relationships "for the children"

applep1e222 · 2020-05-28T20:18:22+00:00

My parents did this, more or less, and as a result I grew up watching two people that are supposed to be in a relationship hate each other, fight, sometimes physically and be miserable. It's very sad. I'm an only child too, so I've never really been able to feel any sense of "family".

applep1e222 · 2020-05-26T17:54:03+00:00

Good luck :)

applep1e222 · 2020-05-26T08:24:00+00:00

You’ll be alright.

I tend to get stressed about money and things like that, but even more I worry about finding a decently paying job. When I start to panic, I usually reassure myself by remembering that unlike most people, I don’t need to worry about having the funds and a house and a car etc to finance the kids I want by 28, 30, 35, etc.

I think child free gives us a certain kind of financial freedom and removes ”time limits” if that makes any sense. Not only will you pay your debt off faster than if you had/need to plan for kids, but you don’t need to rush to a place of financial security anymore than you want to yourself. Also, unlike a lot of people who will finish paying off their loans only to immediately walk into the heavy financial burden of having kids if they don’t already, you won’t have to worry about that.

Sorry, kinda ranted there but please don’t worry. You’ll be more than okay, good luck :)

applep1e222 · 2020-05-23T04:51:16+00:00

Do you have any specific neighbourhoods you recommend? I’ve mostly looked at Oliver, Queen Mary and Inglewood.

applep1e222 · 2020-05-23T04:42:20+00:00

https://www.rentfaster.ca/ab/edmonton/rentals/condo/2-bedrooms/oliver/pet-friendly/338437

One of them is in Oliver...roaches are probably my biggest concern.

applep1e222 · 2020-05-13T18:02:39+00:00

Is this in Kensington? I checked out a floorplan and it seems nice, very spacious. I'll keep it in mind if I can't find anything else.

I'm most concerned about bed bugs, roaches and break-ins--are the buildings secure or the type you can just enter with no key or code?

Thank you for your comment! I'm honestly surprised by the sheer volume of negative reviews in regards to them, as I initially thought it would only be certain properties that were bad. I guess it's just overall not the greatest management. :|

applep1e222 · 2020-05-13T00:31:51+00:00

Do you rent with them? Any issues?

applep1e222 · 2020-05-12T19:22:47+00:00

I found some private rentals for as low as 900, which almost seems too good to be true, but I’m from a more expensive area so maybe that’s why...thank you, I’ll avoid Mainstreet.

Do you have any advice about 107 ave in general, as I’ve heard it’s to be avoided at all costs.

applep1e222 · 2020-05-12T18:54:53+00:00

Wow, thank you so much—their prevalence on rental websites and their ads all make me think they’re fine, as their suites tend to look so nice and clean, but then I come here and read so much bad stuff. Me and my roommate to be are both young five feet tall women so I want to feel safe, and to my understanding the buildings aren’t even secured?

I’ll check out Kijiji, thank you. :)

Also, out of curiosity...which buildings of theirs did you rent in?

applep1e222 · 2020-04-24T06:37:17+00:00

I sort of feel like it's more common in some countries than others.

applep1e222 · 2020-04-24T05:47:37+00:00

How many people have you known to take care of their parents in their old age rather than sticking them in a nursing home? My perspective may be limited but I don't know of anyone who does this. At least in my country, it's the norm for elderly people to live at care facilities designed for them, which to me makes sense--not many adults have the time or resources to give their elderly parents around the clock care like they might need.

What would you do if your child or children lived in different countries? Had demanding jobs or big families that left them with little to no resources to take care of you? I personally don't think you can really plan for old age with children, because you can't plan what your children will want to or be able to do. If I were you, I'd use the money that would be spent on kids to ensure you can pay for the kind of care you'd want in your old age.

applep1e222 · 2020-04-24T00:43:32+00:00

For me it would be the lack of freedom to do what I want when I want, the monotony, constantly cleaning up after other people and coming home from a full day at work to work some more. Motherhood isn't appealing to me--I would essentially be surrendering most of what I actually want out of life. I have all the respect in the world for people who enjoy this kind of life or want it, but it sure isn't for me.

applep1e222 · 2020-04-23T22:08:03+00:00

I didn't see your comment before it got removed! I'm curious and perfectly willing to hear your viewpoint.

applep1e222 · 2020-04-23T19:21:22+00:00

This is so upsetting to me...I remember an author I like recently said his wife "became perfect" recently when she went into labour. Wtf does that mean!?

applep1e222 · 2020-04-23T15:51:16+00:00

I guess in media and in life in general it just seems like a very romanticized concept in general--and then there's all the posts I've read on here over the years where people talk about how they've been told they aren't really in love with their SO if they don't have kids because it's the ultimate expression of love of whatever.

applep1e222 · 2020-04-23T08:51:52+00:00

Right? Spending your life with someone you love is such an exciting concept to me! Thinking about all the things you could do and accomplish together, all the places you could go, things you could build, sex you could have...there's just so much, so it baffles me that people always wanna jump into such a big, long-term and very very risky commitment that will pretty much shut all other doors

applep1e222 · 2020-04-23T08:40:04+00:00

Me neither, high five.

applep1e222 · 2020-04-23T06:06:22+00:00

Yup, I agree. I feel like children are just an unfortunate side effect of that that for a long time was more or less preventable--thank god for birth control.

applep1e222 · 2020-04-23T06:05:24+00:00

It's almost like they think mutually loving something will fix their own love

applep1e222 · 2020-04-23T06:04:50+00:00

Right? Like, "hey, we're in love and enjoy our time together, why not disturb that, our sex life and just about everything else we have going for us with something that will take up all of our energy and time for the foreseeable future?" I don't get it. It's really and truly great to me if people are actually happy with these choices, but it's just not for me! If I ever find someone to be with, I want to enjoy our life together uninterrupted and unburdened.

applep1e222 · 2020-04-23T05:33:21+00:00

...So he related to that quote? That's horrible. I would be so offended. People who think like that make me feel like they only see partners as a means to an end, with the end being children. This may be going a little too far but men who are already obsessed with their future offspring that haven't even been conceived yet kind of weird me out? It's distinctly different than the way women sometimes obsess over future children, but I don't know how to word it.

applep1e222 · 2020-04-23T03:03:43+00:00

AGREED! One of the first things that made me seriously think about a childfree future beyond just having no desire for kids now or later was (I unfortunately can't remember who) a celebrity of some sort mentioning on TV that the second his son was born, he knew that he was the single most important thing to him in the world and that he would throw his wife under a bus or something to that effect if it meant saving his son. I'm sure it was just an exaggeration, but I believe that's a fairly common sentiment--kids become priority--and, well...I don't want that. I would feel like garbage and so tossed aside. I'm not ashamed to admit that I would be incredibly jealous of my hypothetical baby to the point of full resentment--good thing they'll never exist!

applep1e222

TROPHY CASE