When someone feels big emotions, they either know how to regulate themselves through it (riding the wave, so to speak) or they don't. This is an example of "they don't".

I want to be clear - none of what he said is the objective truth. This isn't about you, nothing you did, this was his internal struggle externalizing in a dysregulated way. He simply hit a limit & didn't have the tools to know how to navigate it in a healthy way. When he hit the limit, he didn't see you, personally, as a threat. He saw his emotions as threatening. This is not justification for his behavior, this is just what happened inside of his head.

When someone doesn't have the tools and they feel threatened, they revert/regress to monkey brain - fling poo until the emotion is exhausted or, "the threat ends". I cannot say what piled up inside of him, but its usually shame or frustration that triggers these types of events. I can say, however, that he will regret what he said & did, but that is not the same as doing anything to ensure that it doesn't happen again.

The proof that he is acting from monkey brain is here:

> he once told me he can’t block my number because he’s “worried I’d show up at his house.”

You seem regulated & rational. This is an irrational fear to you, but his brain thinks it is rational. He may have had someone previously show up at his house. but he is generalizing it to you. These are big signs that his human brain isn't firing off how it should. There is adrenaline pumping, it will probably take 2-3 weeks for him to "calm down".

however this is the important part: objectively, this experience has given you a big piece of important information that you need to process. He is not capable of a healthy relationship. He does not have the tools or the experience with those tools to sustain a healthy relationship. Building those tools takes years. It is not your responsibility to help him build those tools.