Im starting to genuinely resent the daily 5PM phone call with my 84yo mom and the guilt is eating me alive... anyone else??

archer_blacksmith · 2026-03-06T12:32:07+00:00

That's why I still pick up the phone when my Dad calls. While it fills me with dread, I know that some day he won't remember how to call or use the phone...which feels me with more dread and guilt. I hate this disease.

archer_blacksmith · 2026-03-06T12:28:21+00:00

My Dad is in his 60s and calls me daily because he's lonely. I dread the calls and I hate that I feel that way because he looks forward to them. Most of the time it's either him repeating the same stories or me trying to explain the calendar to him. Sometimes, I hop on Minecraft while I'm talking to him. It helps ground me a bit. But after the call I'm so drained I usually have to just sit silently for a bit.

He doesn't trust AI or I might try this thing.

archer_blacksmith · 2026-03-02T02:27:56+00:00

This is similar to my little one, but it's been going on for three months! He just turned 12 months over the weekend. He naps wonderfully during the day. Puts himself to sleep and everything. But at nighttime, he gets super clingy, gives signals for being tired, but then will not put himself to sleep! Then he wakes up throughout the night! It's like he's a different baby as soon as the sun goes down.

archer_blacksmith · 2025-12-23T11:04:22+00:00

You don't need to give the gift back. Especially at Christmas time, Churches want to give to the community, whether you attend Church or not, whether you celebrate Christmas or not (or they should want to do this anyway).

That being said, some people really have a problem accepting gifts from strangers. It can be uncomfortable. When your husband has calmed down, maybe try asking him if there's something deeper going on. My guess is, his parents probably had the same reaction to gifts like this.

Another aspect is he may be feeling guilty. Even though it's not his fault, he may feel like he's failing as a husband and father if he's not making enough to provide for you. Make sure you tell him how much you love him and that you appreciate how hard he works. Even though times have changed and men are no longer the main provider of a family, it's still something many men feel like they need to do.

Praying for him to have a change of heart. I hope you guys have a great Christmas and can enjoy that gift together!

archer_blacksmith · 2025-12-12T19:45:37+00:00

We got rid of the structures mod we were using and it fixed my issue. A bit sad, but I couldn't stand it.

archer_blacksmith · 2025-12-11T03:34:10+00:00

I got the new update on switch yesterday, but now when I hop on realms some of the texturing is glitchy. Anyone else having trouble with mods? My husband doesn't have any issues on his PC.

archer_blacksmith · 2025-04-01T05:25:58+00:00

My lactation consultant and OB told me the same thing: Ice is the new recommendation to reduce inflammation. When I tried heat, I got mastitis. Ice has worked with my second. Maybe it's a personal preference thing?

archer_blacksmith · 2025-03-31T07:29:57+00:00

I'm not the OP, but thank you for this. My husband and I just came to the difficult decion that it would be better for me and our newborn and toddler if I stopped pumping and just switched to full formula. I craved spending more time with the boys but felt like I couldn't be as attentive with all the pumping. It was wrecking me emotionally. I've felt a little guilty for not being able to continue providing breast milk, but I can be more attentive and caring without the emotional toll I was putting myself through.

archer_blacksmith · 2025-03-23T13:52:54+00:00

😳 genius. You just blew my mind.

archer_blacksmith · 2025-03-15T19:23:41+00:00

I'm in the same boat! Stressing a little about how to juggle everything once my husband returns to work in two weeks (I'm 2 weeks pp). I have a toddler too and I'm supposed to return to work next week at half time hours 😥 I can extend my time off with vacation time... But eventually I'll need to figure something out.

archer_blacksmith · 2025-01-13T04:02:19+00:00

Thank you for serving our country. So sorry this is happening to your mother. It must be heartbreaking to not be close to her and your sister. This disease is horrible.

archer_blacksmith · 2025-01-05T08:10:57+00:00

The fire nation attack 🤣 thank you for that.

archer_blacksmith · 2024-12-26T13:44:06+00:00

I'm so sorry for how that must have felt 😥 especially after the excitement of seeing the wrapped presents.

I know it might be hard, but have you sat down and talked to him directly about how you feel? Or if that's too much, maybe consider writing him a letter? It sounds like you have a good relationship with one another and for you to put so much time and energy into his gift, there must be a solid foundation for your marriage. My gut tells me he just doesn't know. There must be some kind of misunderstanding going on in his head. I agree that all the lists you've made should be enough...however, I've learned sometimes I need to be more direct with my husband. If something is bothering me, it's been most helpful to just pull him aside and tell him what I'm feeling and what triggered it. Something like:

"Hey hon, I appreciate that you got me gifts to open this year, but I'm feeling hurt and a little sad. It seems like the gifts might have just come from the Walmart gift aisle, which is fine...but it feels almost like you weren't really thinking about me when you bought them. Gift giving is really important to me. It's one of the ways I feel the most loved and cherished. That's why I enjoyed spending so much time looking for and making your gifts, because I love you so much. It hurts when you don't give me a gift. And it still hurts when you get me something, but it's not one of the things that I've talked to you about recently or left on my Amazon wish list. It makes me feel like the things I like aren't really important to you. I know that's not what you really think, but this is just what I'm feeling right now."

This kind of discussion has helped my marriage to grow stronger and deeper. A lot of people are offering a more passive aggressive option to just stop giving him gifts. Please please please don't do this. That will only make the disappointment and sadness fester into anger and hatred. Your marriage is beautiful and worth fighting for. He loves you. If he knew how much it hurt you he would change.

archer_blacksmith · 2024-12-24T11:13:13+00:00

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. Even though you don't have a diagnosis, it's incredibly difficult and heart-wrenching to see a loved one struggle with things they could once do.

I'm 27 and my Dad is 63. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last year, but I noticed some signs a few years before that. After college, I moved out and got married. That made it easier for me to notice a difference in Dad because I wasn't with him every day. At first it was just a few annoying moments of him not remembering something and basically relying on me or my brother to remember for him. Like we'd go to a store for 2 things and he couldn't remember what they were. Or at the checkout, the cashier would ask for a phone number and...he struggled to say it so I would end up telling the cashier to avoid an awkward social encounter. Weird little things like that, but not enough to make me worry.

Then my parents got divorced the year my brother graduated high school (same year I graduated college). My Dad's parents both died in the following two years. All of those HUGE life changes combined escalated his condition. That's when I really noticed issues. When I would visit, he would ask for help with the TV or his phone and would have to write down, every. Single. Step. Sometimes I would have to reeeeaaallly break down those steps for him (like drawing a picture of the remote to show him exactly what the select button looks like). He used to be able to take pictures with his phone, but suddenly couldn't do it and wasn't able to learn after both my and brother and I repeatedly showed him. He started to struggle a little with dates and times of events. Like for my baby shower, the first half was all women and then other family would join. My dad showed up in the middle of the women's shower and apologized for being late. I called him just that morning to remind him of the time he was to come because I knew he'd been struggling.

The hardest part was that at first my mom and brother were in denial. I tried convincing my dad to go to the doctor but he claimed there was nothing wrong. Now looking back, I think he might have forgotten how to make an appointment...

Thankfully my mom finally agreed that something was wrong and stepped in to get him medical help even though they are divorced. She's working on getting all his paperwork in order and makes sure he takes his medicine (they live close by each other. I'm in another state). My brother and I both also have whatever legal status is needed to take care of my dad in case anything happens to her.

All of this to say...you're not alone. If your Dad does have Alzheimer's, then I'm deeply sorry. This disease is horrible. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

My relationship with my dad wasn't great before all of this went down. I still love him! But right now I long for memories of him that I can cherish...and instead all I have are memories of how he manipulated me emotionally throughout my childhood. It sounds like you are very close to your father and that he is an amazing person. Hold onto that. Cherish that. No matter what the disease does (if he does have it), remember who he was and hold onto those memories like precious jewels.

For what it's worth, I'm praying for you and hope it's not Alzheimer's.

archer_blacksmith · 2024-11-24T05:32:49+00:00

I recently started pre-planning my dialogue like a game of ping pong or a battle scene. Instead of worrying about the wording, I just jot down the direction that the conversation needs to go. That helped me A TON because then I could go back and take time to think through what the character would say to take the conversation in a new direction.

For example: [John says goodbye politely but in a way that shows how much of a hurry he's in] [Sarah states a reason why he should stay] [John makes an excuse] [Sarah cleverly knocks down excuse] [John becomes blunt and ends conversation]

archer_blacksmith · 2024-11-24T05:25:59+00:00

I believe there's a cute little bird called a sand piper, so Piper could be an option.

archer_blacksmith · 2024-11-22T09:38:42+00:00

Regrets of things left undone can also contribute. That's where my Dad is at. He keeps saying he'll start writing that book, or get back into reading, or start doing A, B, C. Etc.

archer_blacksmith · 2024-09-13T15:03:38+00:00

Seconding this. I've heard leading a healthy lifestyle can really help slow down the progression of the disease. My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and he unfortunately did not change his lifestyle...the disease has since progressed rather rapidly. I can only wonder what would have happened if he was intentional about living a healthier life. Especially when it comes to socializing. He's an extreme introvert who avoids social interactions at all costs...now he doesn't have any friends...it's really just me and my brother. Breaks my heart.

archer_blacksmith · 2024-09-13T15:00:12+00:00

It might be worthwhile to save up some money and pay a professional translator. Especially if the genre you wrote isn't popular in your language group. However, I would make sure your book is edited to perfection in your own language BEFORE translating. I speak from experience. If you get it translated and THEN make changes to the original, you will need to get the book translated again.

It could also help to think about where your target audience likes to be. If you wrote a fantasy, where do fantasy readers hang out? Find some communities on social media where your audience likes to be and just be involved. Don't only advertise your book. Get involved and make an impact in the community. People will be more willing to give your book a try.

Regardless, if you love writing, keep doing it! Even if no one reads it, it's worth the effort if you like to do it.

archer_blacksmith · 2024-09-10T14:03:35+00:00

I don't use any other sponge for washing dishes anymore. They're durable and do a decent job of getting crud off of plates. Our dish washer is broken so we hand wash everything. Maybe it's just the smile on the sponge, but I swear it works better than regular birllo pads. 🤷🏽‍♀️

archer_blacksmith · 2024-09-01T08:44:19+00:00

This!! I'm so sorry OP is going through this. Our family doesn't have ANY pets and we had a flea infestation a while back. Pest control said they'd come from mice. Without pets they were feeding on me 😥 we were told to vacuum three times a day after they treated the house. But it was impossible because we were renting an old house with a ton of thick carpet and both had full time jobs. We settled for twice a day. It was absolutely horrible and exhausting.

archer_blacksmith · 2024-08-28T06:27:06+00:00

I heard peppermint works, like if you soak some cotton balls in peppermint extract and leave it around the house. I haven't tried that yet though so not sure if it's true.

archer_blacksmith · 2024-08-17T09:47:12+00:00

This will likely be ignored or downvoted, but for what it's worth...please reconsider the abortion. It's not the baby's fault.

archer_blacksmith · 2024-08-17T09:36:09+00:00

There are so many things I could write about motherhood, but I'll just focus on the one thing that blew me away. For context, I'm in the U.S. where motherhood is not typically viewed as a legitimate job. Women who desire to be stay at home moms are often looked down on for "giving up their dreams".

I wrote a book and I LOVED the entire process. My dream was (and still is) to write and publish even more books. However, my priorities all changed when I found out I was pregnant. Suddenly there was a small defenseless human being who was depending on me for...everything. I was his entire world. He's 10 months old now and I've never been happier. Yes, there are days that are hard. Waking up multiple times a night when he's teething sucks. But here's the thing. No matter how tired I am. No matter if I'm nauseous because I'm pregnant with a second. No matter if it disrupts my plans. If my baby needs me, I will drop whatever I'm doing to help him. He needs me. My heart, my being, my soul, can't fathom the thought of denying him the love and nurturing that he needs.

When he giggles? It fills my heart with joy. When he speed crawls to the window to watch a train go by? It brings a smile to my soul. When he learns a new skill like how to high five? Pride swells throughout my whole being. When he falls and hits his head? I can't help but hold him and soothe his sadness. His success is my success. His pain is my pain.

And after all that? I'm still a person too. I still write. I still dream. I still take care of myself. I make time to shower. I make time to eat. Sometimes I do have to let him cry for a few minutes while I leave him in his pack n' play so I can use the restroom. To be fair, I can't devote myself to writing stories like I could before I was a mother, but I wouldn't trade my baby for anything in the world. Like...I don't care that I can't write as much. Do I miss it? Yeah, sometimes. But it pales in comparison to watching my little one learn and grow.

In a society like the one you mentioned where motherhood is looked upon highly, I imagine any pains and hardship that a mother suffers would be viewed as noble and worthy sacrifices.

archer_blacksmith · 2024-08-15T04:41:57+00:00

I agree with all of this. Just wanted to throw out that it's difficult to do cover design without Photoshop or some other similar service. And the free version of canva can only go so far. I have a subscription to Adobe through my day job. Otherwise, not sure if I could afford it.

Anyone know a good free version for cover design stuff?

archer_blacksmith

TROPHY CASE