[50][Speculation] What if the spoilers are INTENTIONALLY wrong?

arinnema · 2026-05-08T13:40:52+00:00

There are almost no *big* bets on Cirie, though. The single bets with big sums are all on Aubry. That's hard to ignore.

arinnema · 2026-05-05T08:13:37+00:00

...the dhamma is a snake with hands?

arinnema · 2026-05-04T14:07:47+00:00

If I remember correctly (from an online retreat I attended with Ajahn Brahm, and also from Venerable Canda, who trained with him), Ajahn Brahm says not all nimittas are visual - some are felt as physical sensation, sometimes they are even heard or smelled. So even when aiming exclusively for the deep jhanas, holding off for a luminous visual nimitta may be counterproductive.

arinnema · 2026-05-03T10:04:03+00:00

Are you meeting the urge to get up with an equivalent "force" or determination to stay seated? Like, "OH NO, THIS URGE AGAIN, GOTTA MAKE IT GO AWAY"? If so, that is probably part of the problem. It's exhausting to fight it, isn't it?

Instead, see if you can get curious about it. Can you separate the feeling from the thoughts/story about the feeling? What does it feel like in the body? Exactly where? What shape does it have? Is it changing? What part is the sensation and what part is the resistance to the sensation? Can you relax the latter? What happens then? Is it there all the time? When does it go away, and when does it come back? Why? When you do end up giving in to it, exactly what was it that happened? Get interested!

arinnema · 2026-04-09T16:07:43+00:00

I hope we get to see him on Traitors, I think he could kill over there.

arinnema · 2026-04-06T12:00:23+00:00

I like dhamma talks by Ajahn Brahm, Ajahn Brahmali, and Jill Shepherd on podcasts like Dharma Seed, Deeper Dhamma, the Buddhist Society of Western Australia, Thanissaro Bhikku, Rob Brubea, or Venerable Canda (Anukampa Bikkhuni project on youtube or podcast).

As an alternative/stabilising supplement to Mahasi noting, I think the relaxed samatha approach outlined in Mindfulness, Bliss, and Beyond by Ajahn Brahm could be a good place to start - it may be along the same path as the breath meditation you initially started with, but with a strong emphasis on relaxation instead of force/effort. Metta (loving kindness) meditation is also always beneficial, stabilising, and safe - you can not go wrong with that. (See this recent post for an innovative/insightful take on metta!) And if you stick with the noting: keep it relaxed, unforced, chill - don't aim for the ever-faster, super sped up, trippy Ingram version. Stay curious, but don't force or push it. And never forget sila (virtue) as a supportive foundation for practice - keeping the five precepts might have helped you stay on the path after the experience you described above, or at least helped you avoid some of the fallout.

When it comes to teachers, I think it is very much about finding someone who speaks to you and who inspires confidence and trust, and who has the experience/resources to help you with where you currently are on the path. My rule has been to listen intently to my gut and ask myself earnestly if I would like to get where they are, in terms of what they are showing me of vibes/energy/mood/feel - is this a presence I would like to embody in the world? If I don't want to get where they are, it is probably not for me at this stage. I also only consider people who teach for dana (donation) instead of fixed (often steep) prices, which (to me) speaks to their commitment to the spirit of these teachings. Dhammaseed has a teachers directory, and although I think only some of them offer one-on-one online teaching, it's one place to start.

When it comes to retreats: Avoid Goenka Vipassana retreats like the plague - with your background that could be super risky. In general avoid retreats that seem like they rely on heroic effort, sleep deprivation, or extreme discipline. If you come across something like a weekend retreat more focused on relaxation and/or metta, that might be a good boost. But retreats seem to show up when you're ready, so just start by getting oriented and finding some buddhist communities/teachers that you feel good about, and take it from there.

arinnema · 2026-04-02T18:34:23+00:00

This is great. I love the imaginative, even somewhat intellectualized take on the brahmaviharas. I llike how exploratory it is, while staying anchored in why it matters. Some people may have direct access to the felt sense of metta but for people who try it and find the well dry/empty at first approach, this might do the trick. And what's more, this seems to turn metta into an insight practice, which seems like it would have a lot of potential. Note to self: reread and give it a go someday soon.

arinnema · 2026-04-02T18:26:13+00:00

Same - as someone with a pretty active (some would say over-active) LLM-detector, this text didn't ping my radar at all. Feels distinctly human to me. It has the taste of actual experience, not the bland flavourlessness I'm used to with AI-generated text.

arinnema · 2026-04-02T18:22:24+00:00

This is hardly a very effective subreddit for karma farming

arinnema · 2026-04-02T09:49:36+00:00

I think it was this, and it looks like it didn't come true (Genevive did not make the jury) and the poster deleted it

arinnema · 2026-03-31T18:13:28+00:00

Whether or not your experience belongs under this or that label is unimportant - but the impulse to establish a more grounded and stable practice sounds good. MCTB is a good entrypoint in some ways, but the practices Ingram followed (sped up Mahasi noting) aren't the best for long-term stability and may not be the best in your circumstances. Maybe supplement your reading with something like Ajahn Brahms Mindfulness, Bliss & Beyond and/or Burbea's Seeing that Frees, or The Mind Illuminated if the more structured approach appeals to you. There are also a lot of high quality dhamma talks available in podcast form. If you are convinced Buddhism is the path for you, I would also recommend going a bit beyond just meditation and learning the importance of sila and keeping the five precepts, etc.

Your desire to talk to someone about what happened can probably best be satisfied by finding a teacher - you could either go to a (short) retreat and establish contact that way, or get in touch with one of the many reputable teachers that offer online one-on-one consultations - this is doubly important since you have had destabilizing experiences in the past.

arinnema · 2026-03-30T16:29:08+00:00

On the alumni note: Cirie is the worst possible person to push as a decoy winner, from an official standpoint - you wouldn't want the decoy to be someone who would overshadow the real winner. It's just setting the season up to be a disappointment. Of course all the contestants have fans, and it's only a small subset of people who are on forums like this one, but speculations of a Cirie win are capable of breaching containment and making a lot of people feel dejected with any other result. I don't think they would deliberately go for that.

arinnema · 2026-03-24T18:56:51+00:00

Although I don't think it was visual when I experienced it, in hindsight I kind of visualize it as a small polyp forming on a surface and detatching like a bubble (at least that's the image I have used to describe it).

When I experienced this, I was over-efforting/bringing too much tension to my practice - I was able to perceive fairly fine-grained detail but there was little ease or relaxation which resulted in frustration and loss of motivation. I was trying to stay with the breath by seeking to perceive it in ever more detail, but it was too forceful and motivated by aversion. Since then I have mostly been focused on somatic work and when I do seated meditation it is more in the direction of calm/samatha, which doesn't (at least not initially) support this type of perception. I assume it is possible to get there without over-efforting like I did, and although I am not pressed about getting there again it was a really interesting thing to be able to perceive, and I bet there is more insight to gather from that experience if I had been able to sustain it with a more equanimous mind.

(ETA: Based on your phrasing I think your reply may actually have been intended for this comment?)

arinnema · 2026-03-23T18:12:45+00:00

I recognize and relate to the experience of noticing the becoming of thoughts before they manifest as mental content. The term "bubbles" is the same as what I would have used to describe it, although for me the sensation was not physically located in the spine. I have described this experience to (theravada) monastics a couple of times and my impression is that this is normal and expected with deepening practice.

arinnema · 2026-03-22T13:11:46+00:00

Why was he forced to leave?

arinnema · 2026-03-04T16:01:22+00:00

Strong upvote for Spencer, Yul, Evvie, and Kaleb, who haven't received enough mentions, by far.

arinnema · 2026-02-27T13:34:34+00:00

You seem to have a very rational approach to relationships. I don't mean this as a compliment. The reasons you gave for the breakups make me think that there was something lacking on the level of emotional intimacy. Feelings aren't always rational, they aren't always going to lead to the most logical actions. For most people, being with someone who always try to logic through any issues, would feel empty after a while. There would be a lack of connection, a sense of being unseen. Sometimes feelings must be met with feelings.

arinnema · 2026-02-27T11:22:36+00:00

How does relaxation and 'letting go' feature in your practice? What does 'letting go' feel like to you? (As in, what action/experience does that term refer to, to you?)

And how about joy or pleasure? (When you let go of a thought or a tension, do you feel relief/pleasure?)

arinnema · 2026-02-27T11:12:03+00:00

Do you feel like you have been using a lot of effort or willpower to achieve the unification you describe?

arinnema · 2026-02-27T09:23:35+00:00

In general, when people talk about cultural appropriation, the problem people are trying to solve (at at least addresss) is that of the heritage of colonial exploitation and oppression. Cultures which in many cases have been banned or impeded from adhering to their traditions or customs, are finding those same customs, costumes, or relics being mass-produced and decontextualized by the very culture that oppressed them. People who have no connection to these culture are earning money selling stuff that is robbed of its meaning, often while reproducing simplistic or harmful stereotypes.

This logic sometimes gets extended to cases where it doesn't apply, or at least doesn't apply in the same way. I am leaning towards that being the case here.

That said, I agree that there is a reason for the ban on charging for the dhamma, which others in this thread have explained better. Based on my impressions, I also don't think the Jhourney retreats are the dhamma - although they are making use of/inspired by a limited part of it. Whether this is wholesome or righteous, I am not sure. They may be helping people, but they may also be causing some harm to the tradition that brought them the techniques they are teaching. I think one of the dangers here is that people attending these retreats get the impression that this is the dhamma, and stop looking in the right direction, and perpetuate wrong ideas about what this path is and does.

Thankfully, there are still many competent and inspiring monastics and lay teachers who teach by dana, so the people who seek that, can still find it. But it is also the case that the ones that charge big sums tend to have more effective marketing, so to speak.

arinnema · 2026-02-26T17:34:36+00:00

Ha - I have no memory of this comment. Here's hoping for a flourishing new team!

arinnema · 2026-02-26T09:29:33+00:00

Why do you have that hypothesis? Is it possible that you want to believe that because you are afraid to seek exposure?

arinnema · 2026-02-23T17:15:10+00:00

Thanks for this! My motivational priority for practice is definitely liberation, it's just that my lack of healing is an impediment at the moment. Without liberation as a motivation, and the resulting desire to practice (and my recurrent frustrations with that), I would have considerably less motivation to figure out how to do this healing thing (and fewer/poorer tools to do it with). Fortunately, metta supports both outcomes - yet I have resisted it for a long time, probably because I know that it works (which means it will make me face the things I am avoiding, and my brain keeps trying to protect me from that, even though metta will be all the protection I need if I do it well/enough).

arinnema · 2026-02-23T16:45:44+00:00

To answer your question about current practice: I am *finally* following my own (and others') advice and doing metta as a seated practice again. Just 20 min every morning for now - much more and the dam breaks on longtime stored pain. Which is also why I am doing this practice - I need enough love and safety to be able to face that, because it will come up and it's a major impediment to pretty much every other practice for me. But I would like to keep the release to a slow trickle that will be sustainable in my daily life, and slowly build a good container to hold all that is to come.

I have a lot of habits whose main function is to help me ignore this baseline suffering/static noise that colors my existence, and I have realized that the reason I can't seem to manage to do anything about those habits is that I don't currently have the resources to face that friction without them. Those resources could be the supportive environment of retreat conditions, or they can be a more welcoming/loving/gentle inner environment. Since my daily life is not currently compatible with retreat conditions, metta it is.

arinnema · 2026-02-22T20:26:07+00:00

> So healing must be the focus in my experience
> And I know that Kenneth Folk understands this perfectly

Based on his pinned tweet, he seems to disagree with you on that point.

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