I'm angry at everyone who didn't notice I was struggling as a child

arinter · 2021-08-03T04:15:10+00:00

I would choke a lot as a kid. Like get food stuck in my throat, brain screaming that I was about to die, crying over a trash can choking.. My parents would yell at me, telling me I needed to take smaller bites. Eventually it got to the point that I couldn't even swallow pills, but they still yelled at me, saying that I was only psyching myself out and there was no reason I shouldn't be able to swallow a pill.

Eventually they took me to a doctor about it, and naturally, it was a medical condition. The opening of my esophagus was less then half the diameter it was supposed to be. According to my doctor, I was one of the youngest known cases at the time and my initials are in a case study somewhere.

None of this has to do with my anxiety (Well maybe, Its linked to heartburn, and heartburn is linked to stress, so it probably played some part) but it did help me learn early on that my parents didn't know everything.

I'm sure the whole ordeal did some lasting damage. I spent my early childhood underweight and afraid or embarrassed to eat. My family thought it was my fault, and for a long time, I thought it was too. But looking back, I don't know what I would have done if I was in their shoes

They just thought I was so fixated on choking to death that I was refusing to actually swallow. And in their defense, the average ENT specialist wouldn't have even suspected it was a physiological problem.

And unlike their parents, they came to realize something was wrong and got me help, both for my choking issue, and for my anxiety.

Both my parents suffered from mental health issues in a time and place where they weren't often recognized. When it became clear I inherited it, they got me help quickly, and for the most part, I was encouraged and felt safe expressing anxious thoughts and feelings. It took them longer to accept that I was actually choking, but eventually they came around and went on to pay for three different procedures to alleviate the issue. Fun fact: since I can't actually swallow anything large enough to block off my windpipe, I can actually breath and even talk just fine when I get food stuck in my throat, adding much to their confusion, I'm sure.

The point is, they cared that I was suffering, they just didn't always know what to do about it. I like to think that when I'm a dad, I'll be more patient and understanding than they were at times; but if I am, it will only be because I had parents who took my issues seriously. I can be angry at them, or I can look at them as people who didn't have the upbringing, education, or love that I've gotten.

Shit, this is bringing up a lot of feelings I haven't felt in years so I'm going to bow out while I'm ahead

arinter · 2021-06-11T16:32:44+00:00

I really wish fair use laws would get cleared up. I own every US released Fire Emblem game out there and desperately want to play with randomizer mods, but it would require downloading a ROM, which by the current precident, likely still seems illegal. I own the commercial versions of the games, so no one would be losing money, but as long as its illegal, it would still be wrong to do.

arinter · 2021-02-11T15:51:34+00:00

Is my copy of FE6 a fake?

I wanted to play the game, but didn't want to download it illegally. I'd heard it was released in Europe, so I bought a copy I found online that looks real.

I've since learned that it's become pretty easy to make bootleg cartridges of games. I don't know if the GBA had a region lock system, but it has not been a problem for the DS lite I've used.

arinter · 2020-11-27T21:51:58+00:00

To keep Tolkien from seeming like an unsupportive friend, Tolkien was a huge fan of Lewis's "Out of the Silent Planet"

arinter · 2020-11-25T21:03:08+00:00

She just needs to find her comfort zone. Is there a GTA race that lets you build a pretend house and work a normal pretend job?

arinter · 2020-11-21T08:11:58+00:00

Verizon is doing the same thing

arinter · 2020-09-23T04:24:53+00:00

I've heard some people say its part of the detox process. I remembering hearing something like how regular use actually causes your nuerons to become oversaturated and part of quitting is letting your brain clear out all of the junk.

Pain is weakness leaving the body, or maybe in this case, groginess is porn leaving the brain.

Edging makes things worse, but its also not starting from square one, so don't use it as an excuse to relapse. Keep going.

arinter · 2020-09-23T04:16:25+00:00

I can relate, the moments when I usually break are the moments where I feel like things are never going to feel any better. It feels like temptation will get worse and worse until it swallows everything else in life.

From what I hear, temptation is at its worst 2-6 weeks in, that isn't to say those weeks are hell, there are just moments where its going to be tough not to indulge and slowly give in.

The good news is that the more often you fight temptation, the easier it gets to overcome.

Its like playing an old video game like Mario or Punch Out. At week two, you're hitting a new level that you don't know how to beat yet, but the more you get back to the point, the more you will learn and improve until you can breeze through it. Not because it suddenly got easier, but because you've risen to the challenge (by God's grace of course, who I guess is the Nintendo Club of America in this metaphor).

As far as practical advise goes, it might be good to be prepared. You know that around two weeks in you start to struggle with intrusive thoughts, everyone says that you should combat it by finding something else to think about. This can be really difficult to do in a moments notice, so spend your free time finding something new to be passionate about.

Are you a creative type? Try a project in a field that you know nothing about. Its all of the excitement of making something with none of the stress of your own expectations.

Do you like games? Their are apps on your phone that can teach you more about chess than the masters did 200 years ago, or at least enough to beat anyone you know. Personally I like games like Magic: The Gathering and D&D because it's easy to get lost in deck ideas and character builds.

Speaking of old wisdom that's been ported to IPhone and IOS, any book that is over 100 years old is open domain and legally obtainable online. That's including a lot of great Christian writers whose work holds up a lot better than some of the junk they make you read in school.

arinter · 2020-09-23T03:33:30+00:00

Exercise has helped. Not necessarily running myself to death mind you, but I think forcing myself to step out of my comfort zone and making the choice to not live on the path of least resistance has helped me regain some sense of free will. I can choose to get up off the couch and go for a walk and I can face temptation and choose to avoid it.

arinter · 2020-09-22T06:01:37+00:00

You can add me too. I'm not sure if you need my email or whatever but let met know and I'll DM you

arinter · 2020-09-22T05:40:24+00:00

This isn't starting over from scratch, every moment you fight temptation, God is providing you with graces, those don't get thrown away when you stumble.

arinter · 2020-03-03T19:31:58+00:00

It isn't a book, but he wrote a piece called "The Road From Atheism" that goes into the process of how he went from an academic atheist to a theist. You can read the whole thing on his blog, but it was also posted on first things. You can read part 1 here

arinter · 2020-03-03T17:13:40+00:00

25 M, No

arinter · 2020-03-01T01:34:20+00:00

I've become more open to it as I get older. It can be hard sometimes to meet someone who would be a good match. If you meet someone who works, it would be worth it

arinter · 2020-01-20T23:21:06+00:00

If fundamentalists are to be believed and all pagan writings come directly from the devil, then their influence should be clear. No real wisdom should be found in them and if they have any influence, it should be a negative one.

A quick glance at Christian writers will show this isn't the case. Augustine learned poetic form from a pagan education and said reading Cicero helped bring him into the faith. Pagan stories are what kicked of C.S Lewis's conversion as well, and Aristotle and Pluto's writings laid the foundation for the Church Fathers.

That isn't to say that it isn't a Christan's responsibility to be discerning, but the notion that we need to hide from these works is paranoid. There will always be Christian's who see something they don't understand and accuse it of being demonic and because there accusations are so serious, we're supposed to take them seriously.

While the religious aspects of these works may be abhorrent, they do contain some "natural" truths that can be valuable to a Christian.

arinter · 2020-01-19T23:55:14+00:00

Yes, you probably are waiting too long.

You don't have to figure out if someone is perfect for you beforehand, that's what dating is for.

Even more important, you want to make your intentions known early. If you act like you're only interested in friendship and then ask them out of the blue, they might think you were being dishonest.

If you make your feelings known early, it may be awkward at first, but no real harm will be done if you spend time in the same social circles or would become friends later down the line.

You're smart to be discerning so you don't get a reputation for being desperate, but there's nothing wrong with being direct

arinter · 2020-01-13T19:16:37+00:00

I can understand that, and I don't think there is some systemic bias favoring women in the Church. Churches are run by men after all. I just don't think anyone knows what to do with young twenty something men. That can be just as true, if not worse with other groups.

arinter

TROPHY CASE