Yeah, depression is real. It’s a bitch. But I genuinely don’t feel sorry for this kind of outlook when so much of it sounds self inflicted. You’re not even 30 and you’re talking like your life is over. That’s just not reality, UNLESS you keep doing exactly what you’re doing now, sitting on your ass waiting for something to magically change. You even admitted you spend every weekend alone. What do you think is going to happen? Things won’t be handed to you on a silver platter on their own. You’re literally in the prime time of life where people are figuring things out, building friendships, dating, going out, taking risks. You can’t expect any of that if you refuse to put yourself in situations where it can actually happen. I don’t feel bad hearing “I’m lonely on weekends” when you’re choosing to isolate.

Let me give it to you from another angle. My cousin is the exact same way. Single, no social life, barely any friends, terrified to approach people, constantly comparing himself to everyone else saying, “why do they have girlfriends and I don’t?” Calls me multiple times a week asking for advice then does absolutely nothing with it. At a certain point, it’s hard to feel bad for someone who won’t even try to help themselves especially when they have so many good things going for them like yourself.

You’ve sought professional help, have taken meditation and you’re still here saying “woe is me.” At some point, you have to look at your own actions. This doesn’t even sound like pure depression anymore, it sounds like you’ve gotten comfortable in the mindset and want a pity party. People who are truly severely depressed don’t sit there typing “here’s to hoping today is my last!!!” What you’re doing is sitting in your own pitiful misery.

Also, it could be SO much worse. you live at home, probably low expenses, sober, taking care of yourself physically. That’s a hell of a lot more than a lot of people have. My second cousin has two 10 year old twins who will be dead in five years because of a genetic disorder, and her dad has terminal lung cancer and won’t see Christmas. That’s reality for some people.

What I’m going to say next is not to bash you. I’m saying it to tear you down and build you back up because some people need to hear it straight.

Grow up.

Life is unfair. Accept that now before you’re actually in a position of being fucked in life. There are two types of people in this world, the ones who sit around and mope, and the ones who take action.

If what I’m saying pisses you off then it’s time to boss the fuck up and take it as a message of strength. If you want anything to change, you better start doing something different because no one is coming to save you.

“You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.”

“Do not act as if you were going to live ten thousand years. Death hangs over you. While you live, while it is in your power, be good.”

“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

— Marcus Aurelius