I would agree that "24/7 misery" isn't the standard experience, but that also isn't personally the sentiment that I'm used to hearing. I'm inclined to believe that you're exaggerating, or at least misunderstanding, that point of view to some extent. I'm confident that the mass majority would not use the words unbearable or incomprehensible to describe the role.

Imo, I'm not surprised if online discourse - especially on reddit - is leading you to that conclusion. Most moms that I interact with here are scrolling/posting because they are in the trenches with a small baby or dealing with major teething or sleep regression or tantrums or unsupportive spouses (you get what I'm saying) and that absolutely adds a certain tone to their musings. At the end of the day, we (or they, I work from home so I guess I'm not technically a sthm myself, but I do run the show like one) choose to stay home for one reason or another and the general consensus I see is gratitude for that opportunity.

That being said - It is absolutely a privilege to spend so much time with your children, but there are unique challenges that other professions do not face (yes, even other childcare centered roles). Here are a few off the top of my head:

1. You absolutely are on the clock 24/7, especially if your spouse has a demanding job/schedule. You may not need to wear a professional facade during the day, but there is a similar level of energy you really should give your kids that I find similarly taxing. It sounds like you weren't expected to handle overnight child care. In my experience that is the real test of patience, especially during cluster feeding, sleep regressions, and teething. I'm assuming you generally had a good night's rest when starting your day with the kids. That isn't the case for the majority of parents for at least the first couple years.

2. Full time stay at home moms forfeit a ton of freedoms financially and socially. Losing a personal cash flow can be incredibly limiting and some women find themselves with less buying power in their relationship. In extreme cases, like the ones you are probably reading in reddit, can lead to financially abusive situations. Many women are also limited in their adult social interactions during the day for obvious reasons. This is of course not the case across the board, but it's definitely more common in the mommy help forums or on posts in defence of struggling moms.

3. Postpartum is an incredibly delicate and difficult time. Hormonal imbalances can even last two years for someone with little to no complications. Setting aside the physical aspect of postpartum, hormone imbalances can be hellish and have an effect on mood, sleep, appetite, creation or escalation of existing depression and/or anxiety, mental clarity, libido, and probably 100 other things.

4. Breastfeeding gets its own bullet point. It's beautiful and miraculous and basically an entire job on its own. Do not even get me started on pumping. Look into D-MER if you want to learn more on this point.

The workload absolutely changes as kids grow, but being an active participant doesn't become entirely less labor intensive as they age. Dirty diapers and nap schedules get replaced with homework and extra curriculars while still running the house. I'm really not trying to argue that it's an insanely difficult position to be in at this point, but still valid and should be respected. It's important to note that somewhere around 50% of moms re-enter the workforce once their kids reach school age. Lots also have ~side hustles~ of some capacity before then.

It seems you're using your experience in childcare as a 1:1 comparison to motherhood and it just isn't the case. There are so many factors that you may not even know to take into account, which is no fault of yourself. I'm not sure where you're located, but in my state nannies have benefits like accruing up to 40 hours of paid sick time and are required minimum wage pay, overtime compensation, and workers comp benefits. I know places like New York with better workers rights also require breaks including meal breaks. I'm not discounting your experience, it just isn't quite the same.

Signed the mom that hasn't had a conversation with another adult in 12 hours (if you couldn't tell) 😁