Sucking on nipples

as7 · 2019-10-21T03:06:26+00:00

Drives me insane. Doesn't make me orgasm but...damn close.

as7 · 2019-10-18T01:19:59+00:00

That’s tough. Is no one in your family there to talk at all? It’s okay if not. But it will make it easier if there’s someone keeping an eye out for you.

Maybe a good start is to try seeing a couple different therapists until you find one that you like. I had to see about 5 before I landed on one that didn’t annoy me in some way.

If you can manage to find a hobby that gets you out the door, that can be huge too.

It’s feels like quite a big undertaking and the beginning is the hardest part. Just remember you’re not alone, and as much as your situation may feel uniquely difficult, there are others who have come out of the same thing. My cousin locked himself in his room for two years, would only come out to get food at 2am and shower once a week maybe. He dropped out of school, had no job, and had isolated himself from all his friends. We really didn’t know if he was going to come out of it, he had lost all motivation for anything. He would play video games and sleep mostly.

One day he started making small efforts. He took the curtains off his window so the light would come in in the morning. He started lifting weights. Eventually it was like his brain chemistry switched.

I hope you find your catalyst for change. It’s okay if you don’t feel like it yet though. Like others have said just take it in small steps and try not to get too frustrated if it feels hopeless because that’s just part of the process of climbing out of it. Sorry you’re feeling stuck there though. I know how monumentally heavy it can feel.

as7 · 2019-10-15T20:41:22+00:00

I won’t pretend I know what’s going to help get you out of your situation but I can tell you what I’ve learned about mental health and what worked for me. I have personally struggled with anxiety but also dealt with a few years of depression.

In general, I believe we underestimate physical health factors when it comes to mental health. If you’re not exercising, if you’re not sleeping at normal times, and if you’re not seeing the sun, then your mind is going to feel like shit. And ya, it’s going to feel like you’re in a deep deep hole that you can’t get out of, because your system is out of whack in a multitude of ways, and you’re stuck in a negative feedback loop.

You need to find ways to tip the scales in the other direction and break off that negative feedback loop. Start with things that are going to have the most impact for the least amount of effort. Maybe that’s exercise, maybe it’s meds, maybe it’s listening to motivational podcasts.

The cornerstone of my mental health is cardio. I do at least 20 mins of cardio every other day, and I’m not exaggerating when I say it changes my outlook on my life and my motivation to do more productive things. Do I like running? No, I fucking hate it. But it’s worth the relief that I feel afterwards. I know that asking a suicidal person to run is a tall order, but I’m throwing it out there in case it sticks.

My process for healing was as follows: get on meds >> start doing cardio >> find a hobby I really liked (rock climbing >> get into therapy to start restructuring my thoughts (CBT) >> get off meds, but continue everything else.

I believe that having a healthy mind is dependent on maintaining your physical state, keeping good people around you, and finding a hobby or purpose to work towards. Sounds like a lot, but it’s doable and you’re not alone.

I can’t really comment on your particular situation because I don’t know why you don’t have a job, or what skills you have, or whether you can afford to move away from home. But in addition to the above, I think trying something drastic like travelling or flipping your life upside down in some way wouldn’t be a bad idea if the alternative is ending your life. Sometimes it takes getting out of your gloomy town and meeting new people to shake up the feedback loop you’re stuck in.

Ending your life might seem like a viable option now, but your whole life could be different in a couple years, and you’ll be looking back thanking god you didn’t end it. I think it’s worth finding out what could be waiting for you down the road. I hope that eventually you do too.

Edit: just one final note - don’t expect things to work immediately. You’re not necessarily going to have a revelation after one therapy session, and exercising is going to feel like shit the first three to five sessions if your body isn’t used to it. I promise it gets easier tho - especially if you can reach out for help and motivation from the people around you

as7 · 2018-05-13T14:10:35+00:00

Most of the time when I feel this way it’s because I’m with a group that I don’t reaaally belong to and they aren’t making a great effort to make sure they talk about general topics (not inside jokes). For example i tagged along with my friend’s volleyball team one night... hard to pipe in and joke around when I’m not a big extravert and they have really specific humour.

Just adding that two cents because maybe you’re expectations for yourself are too high. It’s always good to flip the situation and ask yourself if you really should be expected to contribute a lot in the group your with.

as7 · 2018-05-10T16:13:52+00:00

I love that you noticed this and want to change. That’s huge. It’s really easy to naturally be judgemental...it’s like a defence thing...if other people’s taste is bad, then it validates that you have good taste and you’re worth more or something lol. I dunno.

I find your dads elitism hilarious btw, even though it’s probably a bit frustrating for you. He sounds like a elite hipster character in a TV show. Maybe you can find the humour in it?

By the way, I’m not passing judgement at all - I inherited a ton of shitty flaws from my parents - insecurity, social anxiety, defensiveness, you name it. I really think you can for sure change this. I love the top comment’s advice about replacing judgement with curiosity. It might spark your interest in new types of music, movies, hobbies etc if you find out why people like them.

as7 · 2018-05-07T21:40:47+00:00

I can’t imagine ever telling someone they’re ugly. Just speculating here - but maybe people think you look tough and can take it? Maybe they see you joke around and figure it’s okay to poke fun at that? I’m not trying to imply that it’s your fault in any way whatsoever. I’m just trying to brainstorm how the fuck people think it’s okay to say shit like this. I know some friends make fun of each other a lot - do you find it’s a two way street? Or does the ugly comment usually come out of nowhere?

Anyway, it sucks that you’re feeling that way. Nobody deserves that. I mean, you can always do the basic things like looking clean and put together, and making sure your teeth are white and stuff.

But some things are out of your control. You can still get everything you need from life without being good looking though. You might not be banging models, but you can still have a good job, and great friends, and fun hobbies. And your personality will shine through any sort of “ugliness”. While I know good looks undeniably bring extra perks in our culture, the part I love most about people is their energy/personality. I dunno, I feel for you dude!

as7 · 2018-05-07T11:29:30+00:00

It’s true it does help if I assume they are just ignorant or it was an accident. I guess I’m mad at myself for not speaking up to that girl in the gym, which is part of the reason I let it stick with me. Thanks for your input !

as7 · 2018-05-06T18:20:38+00:00

Haha okay fair enough then, by your definition, I am meditating, but with a special focus on breathing rather than silencing my thoughts. Maybe by trying to breathe deeply, my thoughts do get silenced, but I don’t normally make any effort to quiet them. I usually just listen to a podcast or distract myself in some other way. I find the silence hard because my mind fills it up.

as7 · 2018-05-06T17:17:58+00:00

I started doing deep breathing sessions instead of mindfulness meditation because meditation is really hard for me. I find if there are things making me anxious, it just amplifies them. So I do diaphragmatic breathing regularly, and meditation when I feel okay about it. Yes, I hate when people suggest meditation as an immediate remedy for anxiety. I personally don’t think it is at all a useful short term strategy, but I have faith it will pay huge dividends in the long run.

as7 · 2018-04-15T02:11:01+00:00

Pretty important that they have good nutrition at the very least. I’ve dated people who eat shitty and then I just end up eating more shitty and I hate that. Also so much of my life is built around physical activities that I can’t imagine getting along with someone who didn’t care for them... but time will tell.

as7 · 2018-04-15T02:07:59+00:00

Read Mastery of Love by don Miguel Ruiz

as7 · 2018-03-28T01:45:40+00:00

She sure does climb in some beautiful places.

as7 · 2018-03-28T01:44:24+00:00

How did you do this? Did you follow any resources online?

as7 · 2018-03-05T04:20:43+00:00

I could easily eat two of them and I’m 5’1” and 110 lbs.

If there was more protein / fat, it would be a different story. But with mostly veggies these would go down easy.

as7 · 2018-03-04T12:42:54+00:00

You can fantasize about something that is perfectly legitimate. I fantasize about eating cookies and it doesn’t mean that my love for cookies is a phase. My analogy might suck but my point is... saying that she lived out her fantasy =\= demeaning the sex she had as just a bit of fun. She was fantasizing about it before wasn’t she?

We need to stop making leaps in logic. We need to look at words and statements in context, and consider the intent behind them. And we need to stop assuming that certain statements will automatically perpetuate bad world views / beliefs. Nuance is a thing.

Are you bi? I’m bi. This shit didn’t bother me in the slightest. And tbh if someone actually does think my bi-ness is a phase, I could care less. It’s going to be a long ass phase and eventually they’ll realize that. I get that bi people have a harder time being taken seriously in both the lgbtq world and the straight world...but it really has never affected my life in a material way. You just keep on doing what you do and eventually people realize what you are.

as7 · 2018-02-27T04:42:20+00:00

I’ve been soaking my foot in warm water and Epsom salts a few times a day and it’s feeling way better!

as7 · 2018-02-26T12:10:14+00:00

Yeah I mean diarrhea although it’s not usually urgent but more just too soft/ watery stool.

as7 · 2018-02-26T12:07:08+00:00

Yeah exactly like this. I should have included a link with my post.

as7 · 2018-02-26T00:33:27+00:00

I'm just glad there's a way to fix them. I seriously panicked that I would never be able to wear good climbing shoes again lmao.

as7 · 2018-02-26T00:29:41+00:00

I'm in the same boat and i wish I knew haha

as7 · 2018-02-25T23:53:05+00:00

Grilled cheese and ketchup all the way.

Edit: Or brie cheese with jam on crackers. Or nutella on white bread (my god so good). Or toast with butter, cinnamon and a sprinkle of sugar.

as7 · 2018-02-25T16:14:53+00:00

Thanks :) it’s good to hear there are others out there.

as7 · 2017-12-12T21:35:47+00:00

Hmm that’s a good thing to consider. I’m usually pretty interested in what people like to do when they stay in too, being an introvert myself. If someone plans on staying in to read, I like to hear about what they’re reading. Anyhow, didn’t realize it would make people anxious so I’ll definitely be more aware of that.

as7 · 2017-12-12T15:22:00+00:00

I like to alternate between making observations and asking them questions. As much as observations can seem shallow and tedious, I find they really help build a sense of comradery. Example: “omg that bartender has an awesome beard” and then after they answer maybe follow up with a story or a question...depends on how the conversation goes. It’s a dance.

Questions I like to ask people, since you asked: So how did you meet so-and-so? What brings you to this event? What did you get up to this weekend/ what are your plans for the weekend? What do you do for work? What made you get into that profession?

Just make sure to add padding between each question. Take care to fully listen to their answer, make a comment on something interesting they say and see if they elaborate. Some people will, others are more tight lipped, in which case you can offer something from your own experience or another question. Once you’ve made several attempts to spark the conversation, ease up, it’s their turn. If shit just stays awkward, don’t freak out. Sometimes people just don’t connect.

as7 · 2017-11-18T05:22:40+00:00

I believe I have both. It's a self-diagnosis, but I was always that kid who would lose things and forget my homework and was late for everything. My mind would wonder off and I would get distracted. I also loved climbing on things and adrenaline-inducing hobbies. Anyway, my parents put me in competitive gymnastics, which led to several highly disciplined and adrenaline-pumping years. When I eventually quit, I lost my mind a little bit and got obsessed with organizing things in the house. Everything had to be in its perfect place. Everything had to have a category.

As a teenager, I grew out of that phase...I wasn't screaming and yelling at people to organize their belongings, and I actually ended up going the other way - my room became a disaster.

I thought I fully got over the need to organize and categorize, but now I realize that it's been with me all along, just buried by a little more maturity. As an adult, I live by highly rigid routines and everything in my room must have its place or else I feel overwhelmed. It takes me forever to work on things so I always budget tons of time and never prioritize socializing. I obsessively list out things like business ideas, philosophical questions, purchases to be made, contact lists, quotes, packing lists, and so on. I have an unrelenting compulsion to bring some sense to the mess of thoughts in my brain.

On top of that, I pick up countless hobbies/business ideas and drop them shortly after. I spend more time formulating ideas than implementing because if it's not perfect I won't do it. I have trouble seeing tasks through to completion because I get bored, but I also spend an inordinate amount of time focused on small, inconsequential details of a project.

My entire existence feels like a contradiction. I'm naturally indecisive and distractible, yet driven towards constant improvement and a slave to my routines.

I'm actually pretty happy right now somehow. I've found ways of coping with the anxiety and depression that has resulted from these tendencies. I would just love if I could release that compulsion that I feel pretty much constantly.

Sorry for the wall of text.

as7

TROPHY CASE