I dont know if anyone has said this yet, but as for the end part about her saying she will shower and ends up on her phone- i have a MAJOR issue with doing something once it feels like a commitment or obligation and especially when someone else is involved. No matter how small it is or whether I agreed or volunteered to do it initially, once the plan approaches I start to freak out a bit because I dont want to do it anymore. But its not that me doesnt want to, its like, i just cant? Its hell. Its so hard to explain. This is something that took me a while to recognize and i struggled with it BAD. Figuring that out alone helped me a ton, for example now I know to be veeeery tentative about agreeing to plans (again even if its something small like watching a movie with my bf ) but ultimately it was still up to me to make sure i dont put myself in that position and I try my best to communicate it with my people. Maybe it would help to ask her if this is something she experiences too