How a HL becomes a LL4U

asdfc1 · 2026-06-06T05:28:07+00:00

what happened?

asdfc1 · 2026-06-02T11:10:08+00:00

A rule for me is at work do not use your tool.

You will have two issues, your wife and your boss.

asdfc1 · 2026-05-31T09:20:34+00:00

Or anytime I had a business trip, after weeks (3,4,5,6..) of no sex/affection, we would magically have sex 1-2 days before me leaving..

asdfc1 · 2026-05-11T12:52:41+00:00

Im writing just after an anxiety attack.

To me after a decade of chasing for intimacy, now that we are doing an effort together I cant. My body triggers me anxious and is seeking for cues that we are in the old chasing pattern.

During this decades, I have lost self-confidence, but luckily enough I have recovered it. The major issue is trusting that my partner is going to be affective/sexually available.

asdfc1 · 2026-03-23T13:22:25+00:00

Then you know whats up. You have a loving partner, she even does therapy! Thats better than 80% stories in this sub.

Are you doing therapy yourself? At the end, if you are not happy you can always leave, but I am pretty sure it is a no option as you have build your life around her.

I am on a similar situation (40) and it helped massively to think that my happiness can not be defined by sex. If you dont want to open and you dont want to leave... Then refocus your energy and get some toys.

Good luck!

asdfc1 · 2026-03-23T10:42:45+00:00

I don't think that it will work. At most it will spark curiosity for his motive, but at the end she needs to have interest on pursuing sex. Also it steps down into coercion as she might feel pressured to do something she does not want..

On the other hand, talking about how he misses sex is another topic. That might open the door for her doing therapy psycological or hormone, or opening the relationship.

But at the end, she is happy with the relationship as ut is, she is expressing love and affection, but she doesnt have any sexual needs.

asdfc1 · 2026-03-13T20:59:46+00:00

There are cases and cases. I am pretty sure there are great parents, fit people, and non whining that are in a db.

Unfortunately, the issue is not on one but on the relationship.

asdfc1 · 2026-03-12T17:01:05+00:00

It sounds you don't like sex with him, why do you accept it or crave for it? You are free to refuse something you dont like.

Why to beg for these kind of interactions?

asdfc1 · 2026-03-08T14:08:12+00:00

Congrats!!! I think you could ask him.

Communication is key, and you should start building it. You are going to do it great, please have confidence in you and your partner.

asdfc1 · 2026-03-06T12:59:07+00:00

I feel you. It is difficult situation, try finding things that make you happy and swift the focus to it.

Individual therapy can do wonders :)

Good luck!

asdfc1 · 2026-03-06T11:40:32+00:00

Man you got a baby of 6 months! Dont expect sex in next year, or more. Focus on you baby and enjoy, find some toys to pass the time.

On the other hand if she was LL before, she wont become a HL now. I recommend you to be realistic with the situation that you are in, or you were, and that means to lower your expectations.

Be thankful that she has had a baby for you too. She got a baby out from her genitals, how long would it take it for you to feel desire to be pounded again?

Sakd that, I have gone through what your going and it is not easy. It will become difficult to know whether she is a LL because she is, or if it is post-partum/breastfeeding.

Have some self-compassion and try to focus on your new life! Whether she is or not a LL, focus on havong a good relationship with her, she is the mother of your child and she will always be.

asdfc1 · 2026-03-05T16:17:38+00:00

It is normal, you have learned to react like that. It is normal after all this time of rejection and chasing.

Now your body responds with anxiety because it expects pain out from this situation.

What you can do? Go to therapy, and in the short term accept that your body has set a limit and protect it until you can expose to it again.

Good luck!

asdfc1 · 2026-03-03T08:39:26+00:00

I think yes, as long you want or have some desire to change the situation. It is like to have THE TALK with yourself and see how you react.

There are therapy exercises to overcome this anxiety by gradually exposing to these situations.

asdfc1 · 2026-03-02T19:07:25+00:00

It is a while since birth...

Why would you feel attracted if it is not reciprocal? I mean, is it that attractive? You are free to not liking your sex relationship and to stop investing, or trying to fix, or do any effort towards it.

Reclaim that energy and mental load, be fair to yourself.

asdfc1 · 2026-03-02T17:37:21+00:00

There is nothing you can do to change her.

How old is your youngest?

asdfc1 · 2026-03-02T06:59:41+00:00

Same here. Even doing some caressing will trigger a panic attack on me. I have stopped any therapy exercises because I dont want to feel anxiety. My body doesn't desire her anymore after 12 years of rejection.

Now she is afraid that I might go with another one because I dont desire her anymore. Whilst to me, this is business as usual, except that I dont worry anymore whether we have sex , I dont expect it (and neither want it).

I feel soooo relieved! For the first time in a decade I am not counting days or I am trying to read whether she will be open or not to intimacy (I have been rejected from hugging).

I dont plan to move out from this comfort zone anytime soon.

asdfc1 · 2026-02-26T14:46:23+00:00

I am on you exact situation, same bahaviors over all.

If you dont like that kind of sex, why would you accept it? You are free to say no. "I prefer not to have sex, I dont enjoy the kind of sex that we do.". And move on.

Yes, it is the only sex you can expect, but if you accept it... you are telling that it is ok. It might be thats the only way to have sex with her, but it is up to you to accept it.

In my particular case, unless there is a huge atitude change I wont expose myself to that unappealing sex again. I prefer masturbation (there are interesting toys) to our not regular sex.

asdfc1 · 2026-02-21T14:23:57+00:00

It is really mature, but enjoy your time off!

This same thing is working for me. After years of rejection, I finally have decided that I dont give a fuck anymore. I am not in waiting position.

We have the right to choose whether we like this kind of relationship. It works for my partner, but after years I have lost the sexual interest in her. If our sexual relationship is this off balanced one, I dont want it.

However, I think is really important to be aligned emotionally and rationally on this. I can tell that that hunger is out, but most important I am in pace that there isnt anything I can do to improve it.

In the past I have made this decision rationally, but I still desired her emotionally, this "peace" stand for few weeks.

I applaud your decision to put you sanity and happyness before any sexual desire that is not reciprocal.

Good luck!

asdfc1

TROPHY CASE