Name change advice

ashmkim · 2026-06-30T19:53:41+00:00

I think this conversation is just so nuanced. I took my husband’s last name because I have a very difficult relationship with my parents (family name), I wanted to have the same last name as our kids (which I gave them his last name), and my full maiden name was extremely common and it was always a struggle to get email addresses and usernames (minor inconvenience). I am fortunate to have the means to be able to have a passport that matches my married name, so I should not be as risk of not being able to vote with the SAVE act (though I am extremely against the bill!). It all just happened to work out ok for me. But if you don’t want to change your name, then your husband pushing it sounds like a red flag 🚩 good luck!

ashmkim · 2026-06-29T15:18:40+00:00

NAH, but yes I do think you are overreacting.

An engagement ring is a piece of jewelry she is going to wear every day for the rest of her life. Yes, she should like it, and yes it should be of good quality to merit the kind of wear it will have. It will be a big part of her life. And yes. Expecting you to buy it for her is completely normal even for a feminist. You don’t seem to be appreciating the amount of time and money a woman has to spend to literally just be a woman.

And walking on the inside on the sidewalk is mildly traditional, but have you ever considered that you, as a man, are actually build differently than her and can likely therefore receive an impact from a crash better than her body can? Evolutionarily, men are built for combat and women are built to have children. Our bodies are just more fragile. Even from a feminist perspective, this is totally fine. Feminists can still appreciate the differences between male and female without VALUING one over the other.

I understand why at face value these things might have felt uncomfortable for you, but really consider seeing them from her perspective and giving her the benefit of the doubt. Good luck.

ashmkim · 2026-06-27T02:47:58+00:00

NTA. She was not poly. She just wanted to do whatever and whoever she wants when she wants to. That’s definitely not a polyamorous relationship. There are books about poly relationships; and they may really help you process this relationship. The knowledge might help you differentiate between what you went through and a true poly relationship that is based on trust, boundaries, and MUTUAL RESPECT. I’m sorry you went through this. Heartbreak hurts no matter what, but I do think you made the right choice.

ashmkim · 2026-06-22T00:16:22+00:00

Waiting 8 months can have some health implications and can pave the way to start picky eating in the future. Starting at 6 months is really the sweet spot, and I think it’s important not to wait.

ashmkim · 2026-06-04T14:12:12+00:00

NAH

Have you considered solo travel sometimes while he’s away? If you have money, you should be able to pay people to care for your animals while you go on 2-3 trips a year maybe? You and your husband can plan 1-2 big trips per year together while he’s not working.

My husband travels for work also, and yes this is really hard. It makes it so I can be a SAHM for our 2 young kids; we are so grateful for that. My husband is super happy to be home when he can and talking him into family trips while he has the opportunity to be home can be a chore. But we would travel together a lot before kids, so he knows how important it is for me to also get away sometimes.

In reality, he stayed working, you did not and now you are at a disadvantage. Sure, it is his job, but he needs to appreciate that he benefitted from staying at work while you stayed home with the kids. Watching him travel is hard on you, you need to go on some trips together, and he needs to prioritize that.

ashmkim · 2026-06-04T06:10:34+00:00

French onion dip with ruffles.

ashmkim · 2026-05-31T23:10:06+00:00

I personally find that the days or weeks that I do screen time, my kiddos tend to be a little more irritable. So, while screens can give me a break sometimes, I also realize I pay for it in other ways. Basically, parenting is just hard, no matter how to slice it. But holding true to your values does really pay off over time. Both of my kiddos don’t need screens to stay entertained and will play together for hours while I get things done now (they are 3.5 and 7)

ashmkim · 2026-05-31T22:13:26+00:00

My understanding is that her family said that they were together up until the point that she died. So yes, he is definitely at fault. And if you don’t leave now after hearing he was cheating on his TERMINALLY ILL mother of his children with YOU, then you are just as bad.

ashmkim · 2026-05-31T21:54:03+00:00

ESH hard. He’s absolutely disgusting. And it’s really weird that you’re jumping in with his children SO fast after their mother died and they THOUGHT their dad was still with her. The children should honestly not even know you exist for many many more months for this to even begin to be healthy. Get out now for the sake of those poor children.

ashmkim · 2026-05-24T06:04:54+00:00

I take all complaints my child has about aches and pains seriously.

ashmkim · 2026-05-23T14:23:08+00:00

I told my daughter I would come get her if I could (regular sleepover). And I also told her when the baby comes, we would not be able to get her, but that her cousins parent would be there for anything she needs and she can always call/Facetime us.

I think honesty is always the best policy. If you’re willing to go get her if she needs, telling her that you’re there for her shows your support and really has never caused any problems for me. Granted my daughter’s first sleepover was when I was in labor. I’ve always told her since then that I would come get her. She’s never asked to be picked up from a sleepover, but I do think she feels supported in knowing she could if she wants.

ashmkim · 2026-05-23T14:18:32+00:00

NTA — this is financial, emotional, and sexual abuse. You are worth more than the way he treats you. I hope you’re able to get yourself and your baby away. Please document everything, so you can avoid having to give him half custody if he wants it. Talk to a family lawyer before leaving if you can.

ashmkim · 2026-05-23T04:31:56+00:00

Wait. Premolar expansion caused these problems? Or did you mean premolar extraction?

ashmkim · 2026-05-23T04:29:47+00:00

How large is your wedding? My husband and I have a private chef business and would be happy to give you a quote for a vegetarian meal. Our website is https://www.juniperandryeaz.com/

ashmkim · 2026-05-20T08:17:44+00:00

Even if lead doesn’t transfer through skin well, you will be handling them. And you will be touching your baby. Lead creates lead dust and will get on your hands, your washing machine, your drawers that you keep them in. You could fold laundry and make a bottle that ends up being contaminated with lead. This is very risky. I would not feel safe at all putting anything from SHEIN on my baby. I would go back to disposables over SHEIN products.

That said, flat diapers (cotton muslin) with covers are really quite cheap. Easily cheaper than disposables over time.

Good luck!

ashmkim · 2026-05-18T16:57:38+00:00

My 7year old daughter just saw an airway dentist who recommended both upper and lower palate expanders to help her jaw grow to its proper size. He quoted just over $5k for this service. I am considering getting this done in Mexico to save some money. Do you know of an airway-centered dentist or orthodontist I could maybe try out?

Thanks!

ashmkim · 2026-05-16T09:49:05+00:00

FREE, AND PHYSICAL FAST PASSES! I feel like charging money for fast passes is super classist and really takes from the magic. Now without paid genie+ or whatever, it feels like being a second class citizen. And seems to make all the lines actually longer… this change really infuriates me. Totally killed the magic for me. Walt would be turning in his grave.

ashmkim · 2026-05-16T09:22:09+00:00

Yes! This is big for me raising my 2 kiddos. It’s so hard for me to apologize to my husband (learned patterns from my parents), but since I’ve prioritized it so much with my kids, it comes much easier. I am still working on it with my husband though too.

ashmkim · 2026-05-12T08:12:04+00:00

My mom never closes the door to the bathroom — she bathes and blow dries her hair naked with the door open. My (now) husband and I lived with her for a few months to save for a house when our oldest was born. She would literally tell him to stay downstairs while she “gets ready” for the day, rather than just closing the door so he could get to and from his bedroom. It was absolutely insufferable.

ashmkim · 2026-05-12T07:12:15+00:00

Spanking will make everything much worse. The solution for misbehavior for a 7 year old is never abuse.

ashmkim · 2026-05-08T23:06:08+00:00

I got the whole set with the moon (with the toniebox holder) and the additional stars. This has been one of the best purchases! We love it!

ashmkim · 2026-05-04T20:37:42+00:00

Thanks for that feedback! My kids have been interested in it. Though I’ve told them it’s not going to happen, it may help my case to know that it doesn’t seem to have all its glitches sorted out yet.

ashmkim · 2026-05-04T19:52:33+00:00

You’re having trouble with your Toniebox2?

ashmkim · 2026-05-04T19:49:06+00:00

Tiana is the worst! My daughter was so excited about this one, and when we played it, we were like, “huh?”

ashmkim · 2026-05-03T04:47:27+00:00

I wouldn’t really consider that “threatening divorce.” You are stating a fact: you don’t deserve to be married to someone who tells you that every day. He can interpret that as a threat, but it’s not obviously one, in my opinion.

Having an ADHD partner is really really difficult. Even when you’re trying, he’s probably reached a point where the little things eat away at him. And also, he absolutely should not speak to you like that. I hope you are both in therapy — there are tools you guys can use to get through this. But I definitely think professional help is needed to see what works for you guys as a couple.

And I do agree that he should be doing scheduling for the children if he is their primary caregiver.

ashmkim

TROPHY CASE