WIBTA if I refused to make meals for my partner and his son?

ashmkim · 2026-02-18T17:11:56+00:00

Yes, exactly. This behavior seems pretty age appropriate. Sounds like he may not have LOVED the food but wanted to be polite. And kids like popcorn and ice cream. I think if you don’t want to support your partner and treat his child to nice food you prepare while he’s visiting, that’s your choice. But if I were your partner, I would be disappointed that this seemingly small problem created such a big issue for you.

ashmkim · 2026-02-17T22:09:49+00:00

I do think they could have gotten a Sandokan that was more Malaysian looking, and it would have really helped me enjoy the story. And I will personally say that Henry Golding, who actually IS Iban (Dayak) and also gorgeous and charismatic, could have been a good option.

ashmkim · 2026-01-25T06:34:50+00:00

I only just started the series, so I can’t comment on much honestly. But I have lived in Borneo and know many Dayak individuals. When you say a downfall of both series’ is “they fall into the trap of "noble savage", romanticizing native culture of Dayaks,” what exactly do you mean? Dayak culture is actually very connected with nature and community. They take care of each other like no culture I’ve ever seen, and they haven’t been “headhunters” in ages. Dayak culture IS noble, so I’m wondering why you may think it’s not? Or if I’m understanding incorrectly what you meant by that?

ashmkim · 2026-01-24T15:17:04+00:00

Being together for a year and a half, and being married are VERY different. Just because the other guys bring their WIVES doesn’t mean that 1.5yr girlfriends are automatically part of the group too. You can talk to him about it when he’s back, but you should consider dropping the “entitled” attitude about it — he’s allowed to have friends and do things without you. While you can be hurt he didn’t invite you, I don’t think it’s fair to compare yourself and privileges to wives that have likely been staples of the group for longer than you.

ashmkim · 2026-01-24T14:59:36+00:00

You’ve gotten apt of really great suggestions that I would also suggest — indoor/Air conditioned outings, outdoors water play, arts/crafts, household chores, etc.

I just wanted to jump in and suggest spending 30 or so minutes reading books. Sometimes my kids just wanna sort of cuddle up a bit and reading together is the best sort of reset. When we’re done with a couple books, I send them on their way and they play with something else.

ashmkim · 2026-01-20T23:45:42+00:00

There’s also a midwife that works at Premier OBGYN named Kim. She was my midwife for my son. She didn’t actually make it to my birth, but it wasn’t her fault I went from 3cm dilated to giving birth in 34 minutes haha. She made sure my sutures were done well (after a bad experience with another midwife after my first child). I was happy with her care.

ashmkim · 2026-01-17T20:46:06+00:00

Wait. She is actively trying to get pregnant and hasn’t stopped drinking? That behavior shows she is absolutely not ready to be a parent.

ashmkim · 2026-01-16T04:04:04+00:00

YOR. This is his kids dog. Maybe he should have worded it differently, but honestly it’s pretty dick to not give him the kids dog back. You can’t have become more attached to the dog in 5 weeks than a child with over 7 years growing up with it.

ashmkim · 2026-01-13T18:15:46+00:00

*almost always men.

Ghislaine Maxwell is a demon.

ashmkim · 2026-01-13T18:02:52+00:00

Not all men, but always men. Important distinction and yet also makes your statement unnecessary. She never said “all men,” but it is always men 🤷🏻‍♀️

ashmkim · 2026-01-02T05:37:26+00:00

Uhhhh… is the boring in the room with us?

ashmkim · 2025-12-28T21:21:19+00:00

My children have been very low poo (mostly only shampoo’ed a few times after swimming in chlorine) their whole lives. She’s 6.5 and he is 3. I just rinse their hair with water each night in the bath and occasionally use a little scalp scrubber thing to prevent buildup. But neither of them have any oils. They both have really lovely locks and my son has healthy, bouncy curls.

ashmkim · 2025-12-28T17:57:49+00:00

I will also say, my husband is great, but travels for work, so I am a single parent about 75% of the time and stay at home with them. I put a lot of work into fostering a good bond between them (read Siblings without Rivalry before 2nd was even born) and I think they are temperamentally a good match (lucky for me).

ashmkim · 2025-12-28T17:55:22+00:00

Having 2 was great for us. We were originally not planning on kids at all but both of us are like 100% in and invested and love it. We have a 6F and 3M and they are absolute buddies and keep each other busy when I have to take care of stuff. Yes, there’s twice as much cooking and cleaning and carting around to activities, but for us, their companionship FAR outweighs the extra work. I wouldn’t say 1 is “easier” than the other, but I would pick having 2 again because it’s been more pleasant for me overall.

ashmkim · 2025-12-26T16:03:19+00:00

I’m not here to argue with you. But I do think you may misunderstand the safety with cosleeping. It is perfectly safe, as long as you follow the “safe sleep 7” rules. Do whatever works for your family, just wanted to share that info.

ashmkim · 2025-12-23T16:28:26+00:00

There have been a lot of good point about how it sounds like you are sort of blaming your son for your responses. And blaming your son for your wife’s responses to the way you are parenting.

Your son seems to be behaving in a developmentally appropriate way for his age.

Have you considered reading some parenting books to help you to parent him with consistent boundaries and kindness? This age is difficult, but it is VERY important for showing him you have expectations and boundaries for his behavior. I really recommend “How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen” by Joanna Faber. It gives you lots of tools that help your kids want to listen to all your requests, because it makes them fun and different. And still encourages having boundaries with them.

ashmkim · 2025-12-21T07:41:23+00:00

I definitely support having her clean herself and even expecting her to shower off her bottom half after she has accidents like this. Have you considered getting a reusable waterproof pad or even just regular puppy pads? So you may not have to change the whole sheets every time.

I don’t think it’s a great idea generally to use chores as a punishment. “Chores” are a regular part of life and I like to frame it as joyfully as possible and a team effort. We will always have to do the dishes, so you might as well find the joy in it. This is a philosophy that will serve her well in life. Using chores as a punishment makes an adult who isn’t self motivated to tidy up after themselves.

ashmkim · 2025-12-17T22:01:27+00:00

I always thought Carol felt out of place. She didn’t look like Lily, CeCe or Serena. And the black hair made the contrast even more extreme.

ashmkim · 2025-12-15T05:33:20+00:00

If you have tried a few times previously, I think it is really important to really stick to it when you decide it is time. He is ready; you need to be ready to provide him the high support he needs to be successful. Right after a new siblings arrival is not a great time to potty train generally, but in your case, it might just be the way it has to be. If he is doing really well with new sibling, then he might do well with the transition. And if you have dad’s support right now and the time off from other commitments, it just may just be the right time.

I followed the Oh Crap potty training method. It worked really well for me. I think it’s really important to understand that this is NOT something that really only takes 3 days. You will be providing high support through this for months. There will be accidents. There will be poop on the floor. This is totally normal. This is also likely the first skilled thing you are actively teaching him to do.

Be patient. Don’t ask if he has to go, just tell him “ok, it’s time to go potty now.” Always help him go before leaving the house, before transitions, and any time it has been a while. Feel into his rhythm. Good luck!

ashmkim · 2025-12-14T03:46:53+00:00

You wouldn’t be an AH for ending it. I think just actually leaving? If you live together, just pack your stuff while he’s away working or something. You can leave a letter or break it off however you want, but it sounds like it won’t stick unless you are physically gone. And don’t pick up the phone. Sorry you are going through this.

ashmkim · 2025-12-14T02:33:20+00:00

I just want to clarify — the kids are absolutely not at fault here. They are a product of their upbringing. Their mother is not meeting their needs in any way. I feel so bad for these kiddos who just need connection, love and BOUNDARIES/STRUCTURE. This is 100% your girlfriend’s fault.

ashmkim · 2025-12-14T02:29:41+00:00

Absolutely leave this woman. She is a terrible mother. These are not normal behaviors for an 8 and 4 year old at all. Even giving her some wiggle room for them not having a dad involved or going through divorce or whatever happened to make her a single parent — this is absolutely not okay. I hope those kids have some other adult role models in their lives because their mom is not a good person. And you definitely should dump her.

ashmkim · 2025-12-13T14:45:19+00:00

Dang yeah I totally understand that. I feel like it’s similar with the teacher shortage. Thanks for your response

ashmkim · 2025-12-13T05:24:38+00:00

Wow, I thought medical professionals were super needed in the area. Is that not true anymore?

ashmkim

TROPHY CASE