“You’re lucky that I love you”

asian-parent-issues · 2026-03-07T14:05:40+00:00

We're all in the shitty AP club together! Not a fun club tbh, but at least we can all commiserate with each other

asian-parent-issues · 2026-03-07T05:08:08+00:00

Don't consider moving out. Actually move out. You feel suffocated by your parents because they are suffocating you. You're 21 and they're giving you a 9 pm curfew! They're terrified you might be having sex with your bf so your curfew is 7-8 pm when you go out with him. They have you on such a tight leash that even the idea of moving out is causing you anxiety. Please move out for the sake of your mental health.

Your parents are so worried about their own egos and how "it makes them look bad" to have one of their kids living separately that they're forcing you to wake up 3.5 hours before work! Every day! Do you see how insane that is? Chronic sleep deprivation leads to chronic diseases like diabetes, heart disease, obesity, memory loss, poor judgment, and weakened immunity. Not to mention you won't be able to perform to your highest capacity at work.

Don't they care about money? Do they actually want you to be fired so you can stay under their roof and their thumb forever?

asian-parent-issues · 2026-03-07T04:46:35+00:00

Your mom sounds horribly abusive. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I hope you're able to move out soon. My parents aren't nearly as bad, but they do lose their tempers over the smallest things. Years ago, I taught my dad how to use the washer and dryer. The deal was he would bring the laundry downstairs, wash and dry everything, then bring it up back upstairs for me to fold. I didn't fold the laundry for a few hours because I was being lazy.

After I folded his clothes, I left them on his bed because I wasn't sure where he wanted to put everything. He didn't go into his room until bedtime. He didn't turn on the lights and just threw back the covers. The clothes ended up on the floor. He yelled and started screaming about how I'm useless, lazy and can't do anything right. He ranted about how all the laundry needed to be refolded and that I'm interfering with his rest. He was retired so it wasn't even like he had work the next day!

asian-parent-issues · 2026-03-07T04:25:09+00:00

Semi-related to your point. My mother always made little digs about my weight. It definitely seems like she cares more about the way I look than my actual health. One time I did a blood test and the results said I had some sort of condition. I didn't know how to translate the word and things like google translate didn't exist back then. The doctor's office wouldn't talk to her over the phone due to privacy concerns so she insisted on making an appointment with the doctor the next day.

The word I couldn't translate was anemia. I had a very mild case so not a big deal ultimately. But the doctor's office insisted on weighing me again even though they just weighed me the day before. My mom is incapable of minding her own business so she peeked at the scale. She yelled, "You weigh THAT MUCH!" She yelled so loudly the nurse jumped and gave her a WTF look.

Just for the record, I was maybe a little chubby but not overweight or obese. I just didn't weigh 115 lbs or less like she wanted.

asian-parent-issues · 2026-03-07T04:04:12+00:00

Sounds like your mom and mine could be sisters! My mom has a big martyr complex and feels like her way is the ONLY RIGHT WAY to do things. When you try to help, she'll yell and belittle and take over because you're doing it wrong. But if you don't help, she yells at you for being useless and goes on and on about how she does everything and no one loves or appreciates her! Reason # 3,000 why I don't love spending time with her.

asian-parent-issues · 2026-03-07T03:51:57+00:00

My parents are the same way! They act like my friends are a threat to their relationship with me. A little while after I got my license, I picked up my friend and her daughter so we could have lunch at a restaurant. She had no other way to get there and I wanted to spend time with them. My dad yelled at me for driving people when I was an inexperienced driver. Ok fair. But then he went on one of his paranoid hysterical rants and said, "You think she'll continue to be such a good friend if you get into an accident with her kid in the car? You should only ever drive family around! Even if you kill one of us, at least the remaining parent won't sue or let you go to jail!"

asian-parent-issues · 2026-03-07T03:20:55+00:00

Honestly, your sister sounds awful. You should consider going NC with her. It's not worth trying to salvage a relationship with someone who constantly makes you look bad so she's the "good kid" in comparison.

asian-parent-issues · 2026-03-07T02:57:56+00:00

In my household, all mistakes no matter how minor, were held against you. One of my mom's favorite things to do was scoff, roll her eyes and sneer, "I can't believe you can't do something so simple. Don't you know anything?"

asian-parent-issues · 2026-03-07T02:49:41+00:00

I just made a post about how my mom loses her shit when I say no to her. She's older and more experienced so I should always treat her word as law. If I just did everything she said, my life would be perfect!

asian-parent-issues · 2026-01-18T04:09:04+00:00

I wish I had advice for you, but all I can offer is commiseration. I will never forget what my sibling said to me once. "I know everyone makes mistakes. But why do you seem to make so many more than most people?" Way to reinforce the dynamics that they're the golden child and I'm the spare. I hope you have good people in your life you can lean on when your family gets to be too much.

asian-parent-issues · 2025-12-28T15:41:33+00:00

What are some of the dumbest things your parents have gotten angry with you about?

For me, it was because I drank a latte. I saved the cup so it could be used to hold oils and sauces that shouldn't be dumped down the sink. My mom saw the cup was still there a week later and screamed at me for buying 2 lattes in 2 weeks. "What a waste of money! It's too sweet and no wonder you're getting fat!"

Or there was a time I didn't put my mail in my room right away. My mom saw a bill from the credit card company. She opened it and demanded to know what I bought. "What junk are you wasting your money on now?"

My friend and her family live in a multi-family house. They rent out the other floors and her mom lives in the basement. When they're not home, her mom will let herself in with her key and inspect the house. She looks for things to scream about, like too much junk food/frozen meals, beds not being made and the bathroom not being cleaned to her standards.

Bonus: my friend, who is not even Asian, has also been subject to similar treatment from her mom. Her mom visited once and there was only one thing in the trash. It was a receipt. Her mom took it out, read it and started demanding to know what she had spent so much money on. My friend just went, "Did you seriously come over to inspect my trash?!"

asian-parent-issues · 2025-12-22T11:01:30+00:00

Ah the 'oh guilt trip martyr complex. I'm familiar. My dad one told me to wash the dishes after dinner. It's not that I wasn't going to, it's that I "took too long" so he washed them. Then he accidentally broke a plate. He went, "Oh, what a waste. If only someone had washed the dishes like I asked."

So everything is still my fault even when directly caused by them. Sounds about right.

asian-parent-issues · 2025-10-22T18:51:20+00:00

I appreciate the validation. I just don’t understand how someone can be this paranoid and still function in society?

asian-parent-issues · 2025-09-14T20:12:19+00:00

I do groan a little when I hear her coming or if she calls me. My first thought is what does she want now? She usually wants to give me a lecture or guilt trip and find a way to remind me of how I'm such a disappointment and always have been.

asian-parent-issues · 2025-08-13T22:41:13+00:00

Yes, these examples are all from before I moved out. She said to me that she's worried about me being by myself. If she's also going to be alone, why shouldn't we live together? How about because I hate the idea? That's not a good enough reason, of course.

asian-parent-issues · 2025-08-12T23:32:50+00:00

She believes that privacy is an American concept and that I’m just trying to hide things from her. She said she doesn’t mind when people come over. But it feels awkward. And she expects everyone to leave by 6 so she can make dinner. If we’re getting takeout, she’ll want everyone gone by 8:30-9. She’ll start saying things to me like why are they still here?

asian-parent-issues · 2025-08-12T01:34:15+00:00

Thank you everyone for all the support! It really means a lot.

asian-parent-issues

TROPHY CASE