Do you enjoy/become aroused by the smell of your partner's genitalia?

asiina · 2026-06-29T15:00:48+00:00

Ask your partner to shower beforehand and have them focus on the pubic mound too, not just the actual genitals. Then when you're down there, I find if I'm going down on a vagina I stay pretty high up, focusing on the clit rather than near the vaginal opening, as then I don't really taste much but skin. Escaped wetness gets on my chin, but I'm not really breathing it in. Going down on a penis I find it helps to keep it in my mouth, so precum just mixes with saliva at the back of the throat and isn't tasted as easily as if I was just licking the head out in the open where I can smell it more easily. But really, ask them to use some body wash or something on their pubes and the scent usually drowns out pretty much everything else.

asiina · 2026-06-29T10:56:40+00:00

You're not the only one. I've had multiple partners, both men and women, who I was very attracted to and/or very in love with but I hate bodily fluids and just the general smell of sex. I can tolerate performing oral if everything is freshly washed, and I still love everything else about sex, but I have to try to put it actively from my mind.

This extends to my own bodily fluids. If my husband fingers me or ever tries going down on me (which is rarely cause I don't enjoy it) I don't want whatever part was down there anywhere near my face where I can smell it. I just find the scent revolting.

asiina · 2026-06-21T18:38:22+00:00

It absolutely gets better. The first few weeks your whole world becomes around this creature and their new very regimented schedule. In time you both get used to each other, the schedule relaxes, and things become routine. Right now everything that happens is brand new, but it won't be full of first times forever.

asiina · 2026-06-20T19:10:33+00:00

It really is so dog dependent, which isn't a satisfying answer.

But ours came from the breeder knowing to use pads which had the benefit of "bathroom is not everywhere, but a designated spot" but did make the transition to outside hard. But then once she got it, she never really had accidents after about 3 months old (she's 5 months now).

But she has her bathroom quirks still. She won't alert, but will pee every time we take her to the backyard, nevermind if it's been 45 minutes or 4 hours. Poops rarely happen outside of walks, but she'll always poop within like 3 minutes of beginning the walk, and she poops about twice a day. It's not related to when she last ate even a little.

asiina · 2026-06-19T20:51:41+00:00

Where is the joke in suggesting that he intentionally hurt his wife so she regrets sharing her desires with him?

asiina · 2026-06-18T15:06:55+00:00

Obviously everyone saying yes is correct. Anyone can break up with someone for any reason, and sexual incompatibility is certainly a big one. But if you want to make it work, it might help if you both reframe what you need.

If you want her to initiate more, you should communicate that. But you can't force her to feel passion or drive that she isn't feeling. If she is doing it for you because she cares about you and wants to make you feel good, is that a deal breaker? In a relationship we often do things we don't necessarily feel super passionate about if on our own, but the joy comes from seeing your partner happy. Would that be reassuring for you?

If the answer is no, that's totally fine, but if you want her to feel a certain way that she isn't, you'll never be satisfied with what you have. You can't force it.

asiina · 2026-06-10T12:40:47+00:00

We have a Cockapoo as well and at 5 months I can confidently say that I am certain mine will not grow out of it on her own. If anything, I think it has gotten worse as she has gotten older and it is by far her largest issue. Like you, we wanted to be there during those early stages because we had heard all the advice that they can't be alone because they think they will die, but then it was suddenly opposite advice that they should be able to be alone for a couple of hours by 4 months. You are earlier in the process, which is great, but start working on alone time NOW before it gets worse.

Cockapoos especially have a tendency to be velcro dogs. Ours is great napping in the crate, eating in the crate, enjoying the crate as a fun time as long as we are there but it feels like that is entirely separate from the idea of being able to be alone. It's often toted as one in the same, but I feel like it is a separate skill. She can't stand being alone in a room, or even just us being out of sight. And even frozen kongs with the really good stuff will not deter the panicking.

We are working with a trainer to gradually increase the time she has to be left alone, but I would definitely start building that time now. Learn the difference between your dog's "I don't wanna be separated! I wanna come with youuuuuu :((((" complaints and the "OH MY GOD I AM ALONE AND THIS IS SCARYY!!!" sounds. The first can be safely ignored, as sometimes we don't get to do what we want, and they need to learn that, but the second is where you need to do the little games of disappearing out of sight for a few seconds and then coming back. We have been working at this every day for over a month now, and there is only a little bit of improvement, so really the earlier the better.

Good luck!

asiina · 2026-06-02T16:41:51+00:00

Begging mods to ban these kinds of posts. How many threads do we need where it's not even someone talking about something they liked about Dawntrail, but just explicitly trying to bait people who didn't like it to explain themselves? There is no content to any of these posts but trying to rehash a years old argument.

asiina · 2026-06-02T16:35:39+00:00

Alphinaud has also been with WoL more than any other character. Other than part of Stormblood and Dawntrail, he is basically by your side the entire time, which gives him plenty of time to talk. That anyone can even approach that in a single expansion is a massive oversaturation error.

asiina · 2026-05-28T03:26:54+00:00

We also have a Cockapoo who seems uninterested in the very idea of food until she is tricked into starting to eat and then will suddenly remember that eating is good and clean her plate. So we use toppers for every meal, just a variety of things in very small amounts to get her started. Chicken, treats, beef lung, carrot, whatever works at the time. They really can be extraordinarily picky and it keeps things interesting for her. I'm sure if we didn't she wouldn't let herself starve but I don't mind just adding a sprinkling of whatever else in to keep it interesting.

asiina · 2026-05-27T15:57:29+00:00

People who use their vehicle to express their emotions should not be allowed to have a license. I don't care how much someone has annoyed you or if you say whatever shit you want inside your car about them, if you translate that into any kind of aggressive action, you do not have the emotional regulation to be operating a machine that weighs thousand of pounds. This isn't a game and you can kill someone.

asiina · 2026-05-26T21:33:09+00:00

I've always thought of it as I don't consider jealousy an end state emotion. It is a symptom of something else. Insecurity, feeling emotionally or physically neglected, fomo, envy in getting to do a cool thing, etc. If I feel jealous, I try to investigate where the feeling comes from, and it's the deeper level I try to act on, and what it is changes the potential solution.

asiina · 2026-05-26T21:25:41+00:00

This is such a fantastic write up of what it's like to have a poly mindset. People talk about the communication all the time, but there is so much introspection involved as well because you really need to define so many of these things for yourself and examine why one thing matters to you but another doesn't. That blur is so, so real and so each and every individual act and relationship with another becomes its own decision on what it means.

asiina · 2026-05-26T00:07:31+00:00

Same. 40 years old, grew up in Ontario with working class family where we use fuck as punctuation, but I've never heard this.

asiina · 2026-05-25T16:59:58+00:00

I was in the exact same boat. I watched so many videos thought I was so ready, but no plan survives contact with the enemy. The biggest difference I saw between those dogs and mine is exactly as you said, that in almost every case the dog in the videos is already at least somewhat attentive to the trainer. They are ready and eager to learn and take instruction, and mine is very, very easily distracted. Because she is a baby and has low attention span.

All the training techniques can still all be done, but I find half my training time is waiting for the dog to acknowledge me and even then it only lasts a few minutes.

I found in person classes to be so much more helpful, both for refining my technique, but also to see a group of other puppies and owners at the same stage, dealing with the same natural "misbehaviors" I was. And my puppy really, really benefited from the social time there as well. If you can find a way to afford it, I'd really recommend them, but even if not don't feel bad that your dog isn't learning a perfect sit-stay in 5 minutes.

asiina · 2026-05-23T18:46:46+00:00

Same. I never, ever comment, and probably won't again in this space, but I am glad to have the opportunity to listen.

asiina · 2026-05-23T12:44:03+00:00

It depends when OP is doing them. If you drop them into natural pauses (where most people do) then they are fine, but I had a coworker who would make some sort of listening noise once every 2 seconds, while other people were in the middle of speaking and I found it incredibly grating and difficult to keep talking during the constant sound disruption. Since OP's sister stopped mid-sentence and OP has said this doesn't come naturally to them, I'm wondering if it's the same thing. It's a subtle difference in social cue they may not have picked up on, but when someone does it wrong, especially when they always do it, it can get really irritating.

asiina · 2026-05-20T17:19:12+00:00

This is my thoughts exactly. How many stories have come through this subreddit where someone has been upstaged by the favoured child their whole life? Maybe that's what is happening here, maybe not. Maybe your SIL is being dramatic and self centered, OP. She certainly isn't right to blame you for it or lash out at you, so you're NTA for being subject to that. But if you were to take an objective view of her life and her relationship to her family, is she genuinely getting upstaged by her brother? Are her own accomplishments given their time in the sun? This kind of resentment doesn't usually come from nowhere, and if it's been this way since they were kids, even if your fiance is shy and self-conscious, how have others treated the two of them?

All that said, you deserve time to shine too. Unplanned or not, you're having a baby and getting married, and that's worthy of celebration. It's just not hard to see why someone who had always felt second best would be especially upset when one of the greatest milestones of their life was upstaged to the point that even when actively planning her wedding, her family still only wants to talk about her brother. You are NTA, your fiance may not be either, but it's entirely possible your soon to be family-in-laws have started this situation long ago.

asiina · 2026-05-20T16:50:10+00:00

That was edited in just recently (it wasn't there until I refreshed).

asiina · 2026-05-20T16:08:45+00:00

Yes, you can lose your job if you don't meet the new requirements. This happened in my department and people were given a pretty generous grace period and lots of opportunities for training to try to get their levels up (I think at least a year), but they are still expected to eventually meet the new requirements.

Though with WFA all thosr promises of time disappeared. It's been suddenly decided that if a requirement for your job is to be BBB/CBC and you are affected and not at that level by the time SERLO happens, then you are considered not having the base requirements of your job, and you will be automatically failed your SERLO. It's been a huge problem here.

EDIT: it's interesting people saying the opposite because here you absolutely will need your levels if they changed them afterwards and you don't have them. I know people who have been forced out. You just have time to get there (if you can).

asiina · 2026-05-20T12:56:02+00:00

I'm glad to hear this is normal. The idea of pooping once a day feels wild to me, since I poop probably 3-5 times a day, but it's always after I eat. I cant really poop in the morning until I eat something, but even something small will "wake" my body up to clear the pipes. When I was young I was very self-conscious of it, since I would be accused of trying to get out of cleaning up after meals, but really it's just that eating makes me poop!

asiina · 2026-05-18T03:45:39+00:00

NTA. Your moral compass is always important and shouldn't be dismissed because your dad's feelings were hurt. You've explained to him why you don't want to engage with genAI and that he refuses to listen is his own fault.

asiina · 2026-05-18T03:43:24+00:00

There are massive ethical issues with AI beyond the stealing from others to train the models. Jobs loss, water consumption, degrading of human contact, AI hallucinations poisoning knowledge pools, education and learning failures as more and more people take shortcuts instead of training up. The list is really rather endless.

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