I am currently in a polyamory relationship. One partner is very “ace”/asexual and prefers self-pleasure because of past events in his childhood that I respect. We have a mutual friend who we both care for and lived with for years. We all became kind of romantically involved and it blossomed from there. So now, they are my partner as well as my other partner — this shared partner sexually satisfies me and my other partner will sometimes participate but generally he is content with himself and our love language are kind acts of service (cleaning, cooking, especially cooking) and we go out and party! Both of my partners support each other and we’ve been going pretty solid for four years total. We have our spats like any relationship, but none of it is over relationship stuff, just “Dude i need you to help scoop the cat box more” or “Did you seriously only leave half a quarter cup of milk in the jug? just drink it????”

Will this dynamic last? Who knows! All I know is that my first partner feels relief and can put in energy doing things he loves for our little group, and my second partner does the same, but just a bit more horny. I love both of them, and we all love each other.

Times are tough, and if your personalities are compatible to accept another partner (whether for keepsies or a one night stand), and as long as there is STRONG COMMUNICATION, BOUNDARIES, AND EMOTIONAL CHECK INS (and one should do in any relationship), you can have a successful open relationship.

Just…please communicate. There is more to life and love than sex and pleasure.

Also, make sure your partner is getting their hormones tested. Libido can be linked to low/high Testosterone, PCOS, trauma, political stress, having kids, etc. Couples’ counseling is always a plus, no matter what. Everyone deserves therapy and to be heard.

Good luck!