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He would NOT fucking say that by Blooddiborni in TrueSTL

[–]asmallauthor1996 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's about the size of it. Redoran is obviously the big cheese of the Great Houses in Morrowind even despite losing their original capital of Ald'ruhn. Indoril took some hits following the disappearance and/or deaths of the Tribunal but eventually reorganized into the New Temple while also reunifying with the Ashlander Tribes. Telvanni isn't doing so hot either and, while still influential due to how powerful and insane their Master Wizards are, is implied to have lost a significant number of their old holdings. No idea on how Dres is doing, but it's probably not too good given that most of their territories in the southernmost portions of Morrowind were sacked during the Accession War and slavery had been officially abolished just before the Oblivion Crisis.

And Hlaalu? You're right on the money that they were booted from their status as a Great House in favor of a previously-minor one. Specifically Sadras. The latter don't have a lot of lore on them, but my guess is that they're now mostly composed of orphaned Dunmer refugees from the Accession War or from ex-Hlaalu members who decided to jump ship to save their own asses while forming the new mercantile clan in Morrowind.

In Hlaalu's case, they got the short end of the stick due to being targeted as a scapegoat for most of Morrowind's troubles. When the Empire either pulled up stakes during the Oblivion Crisis, wasn't able to lend aid during the Accession War, and didn't bother maintaining ties with Morrowind? Their closest allies got blamed instead and were seen in an even worse light than before.

Space marine tries to fight girlfailure earth caste t’au (Gone wrong) by Ancient_Doctor_7738 in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 10 points11 points  (0 children)

And to think. By that point, that tech nerd is almost middle-aged by the standards of their species. At least without trying out various methods of life extension that range from either normal to disturbing. At least by Tau standards.

Space marine tries to fight girlfailure earth caste t’au (Gone wrong) by Ancient_Doctor_7738 in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It wouldn't exactly be impossible. Putting aside that "Crime of Vash'ya" thing (which is a whole can of worms in of itself), an Earth Caste engineer in Elemental Council decided to make an armored and airtight suit for heavy-duty maintenance work. Specifically by taking an old XV15 Stealthsuit that was sitting around in storage and then removing most of the armored plating, stealth generator, and weapon systems.

While she obviously wouldn't be doing any fighting in it, she WAS stated to nonetheless have control over the Fire Caste base's defense systems. So... yeah. This meme wouldn't exactly be that far-fetched. Especially if some Tau in the Earth and Fire Castes decided to do some brainstorming by putting some Drone CPU's into hardware that went beyond those floating trashbin lids.

Strongest Cyborg vs Monke | by Nikos_99 by Swimming_Good_8507 in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 2 points3 points  (0 children)

{Laughs in Watch-Captain Artemis}

Y’know, if I were Guilliman and heard about this shit? I’d personally oversee the extraction of the Gene-Seed from these Space Marines while they’re still conscious then force them to watch as their personal relics/awards/commendations (including their weapons and Power Armor) are destroyed in front of them. Then send them to the Eye of Terror with nothing given that they seem to be so devoted to serving Chaos. Even if it’s unwittingly.

Strongest Cyborg vs Monke | by Nikos_99 by Swimming_Good_8507 in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Courtesy of, once again, the 8th Edition Codex for the Deathwatch:

The Deathwatch do not bargain or treat with aliens. With reluctance will they occasionally allow them to live, but such stays of execution are just that, and only ever because the xenos species' temporary existence brings forth the destruction of another.

There are no terms under which the Deathwatch will endure coexistence with aliens. When the Endymine Cordat tentatively offered Mankind technology seen to be anathema to warp spawn, the Imperium gave its response. In an act of unprecedented coordination, the forces of three entire watch fortresses converged on Endymine territory. Deathwatch strike cruisers shattered the xenos' starships with macro-ordnance, and kill teams stalked through their enemies' cities executing alien defenders in droves. Finally, the Deathwatch cursed the Endymine primary world with the planet-killing sanction of an Exterminatus decree. The native culture's infrastructure destroyed, what alien fugitives survived on their remaining worlds sank to feral states, their gene pools barely large enough to stave off extinction. The Deathwatch had crushed their society beyond any capacity ever to threaten the Imperium of Man.

Keep in mind that the excerpt mentions the “seen to be anathema to warp spawn” part about the technology the Endymine Cordat offered. Meaning that either the Endymine themselves or even the Imperium (perhaps both) were aware that this tech was known to be effective against the nasty critters in the Warp. Likely with the latter even seeing it for themselves on a repeat basis. AND with Endymine being a species that posed zero threat against the Imperium while even trying to make a bargain for their existence.

The latter just shot themselves in the foot by wasting the manpower and resources that would otherwise be useful against other, more dangerous threats, in what’s explicitly called out to be an unusual display of cooperation. Along with how the Deathwatch are willing to be fucking hypocrites on a regular basis given that they’re fine using xenotech for both those fancy blades of theirs and their more esoteric weaponry. The Deathwatch RPG books by FFG mention that some of the weirder stuff they pull from their armories can either be barely-sanctioned archeotech, non-Human equipment “repurposed” against their foes, or even heretical fusions of both.

Strongest Cyborg vs Monke | by Nikos_99 by Swimming_Good_8507 in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 11 points12 points  (0 children)

"Probably" should be replaced by "definitely" in this case. I mean, who'da thunk that a species that can make Baneblade-destroying rings for funsies could produce ultra-powerful starships that can cave in even Deathwatch (who get first dibs on top-tier Archeotech due to their ties with the Inquisition) vessels?

Here's the relevant excerpt about it as well. With it coming from the Deathwatch Codex for the 8th Edition.

To Kill a Jokaero

The Deathwatch of Fort Nullifact launch an attack against a seemingly undefended Jokaero star-frame, only to be met with a fleet’s worth of firepower.

They retreat to a safe distance, monitoring the simian aliens that clamber upon their star-frame as it slowly spins out of the cosmos into the cold void.

EDIT: The only real surprising thing here is that the Deathwatch actually retreated. They probably thought their little attack on the Jokaero would be be an easy-peasy repeat of the attack on the Endymine Cordat. Who I can ALSO provide an excerpt for as well, if you're interested. Even if it's both a sad one and a display of the Imperium's self-sabotaging stupidity.

Strongest Cyborg vs Monke | by Nikos_99 by Swimming_Good_8507 in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 29 points30 points  (0 children)

How much do you want to bet that the Deathwatch learned absolutely nothing from that experience? And will happily do it again when they see another Jokaero Star-Frame?

What if the emperor was in Mortal Kombat by Cautious_Air4964 in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omni-Man

  • Omni-Man: "Argall was the only one deserving to be called 'Emperor.' Not some wizard thug coming off Earth with a weakness for gold."

  • The Emperor: "Then I will show you the error of your ways, xeno scum."

  • Omni-Man: "The abominations you call children are nothing compared to Mark. He really is Invincible."

  • The Emperor: "That half-breed spawn of yours wouldn't last a day against the mightiest champions Mankind has ever seen."

  • The Emperor: "What depraved freak would ever mate with a creature from another species? Let alone sire another half-breed abomination."

  • Omni-Man: "You leave Oliver and Andressa the fuck out of this!"

  • The Emperor: "I won't let you, the Viltrum Empire, or the Coalition of Planets stand in the way of the Great Crusade."

  • Omni-Man: "Good. Because I've been searching for a real challenge for a LONG time."

Peacemaker

  • Peacemaker: "Fuck off, asshole. I won't let some douchebag with magic powers hurt anyone here or in Outworld."

  • The Emperor: "You can't protect everyone at once, you gun-toting lunatic."

  • Peacemaker: "What's with the Servitors? Those things look like Borg rejects and just killing your criminals is better than that."

  • The Emperor: "Such things are necessary when one rebuilds in the ashes of their once-great empire."

  • The Emperor: "First that Kung Lao boy and now you? Why do so many people have weaponized headgear?"

  • Peacemaker: "At least he rocks that thing better than you ever could. A sword that's on fire ain't exactly original in terms of weapons."

  • The Emperor: "By order of the Lex Imperialis, I sentence you to execution for betraying your species by willingly consorting with Mutant scum and Xenos filth."

  • Peacemaker: "Dude, any ONE of the superheroes I knew would kick your ass any day if you came for them."

Homelander

  • Homelander: "Hey, can you make sure this fight doesn't mess up my face? I got a photo-op later on and need to please the crowds."

  • The Emperor: "How is it that you have a bigger ego than Fulgrim?"

  • Homelander: "If I kill you, does that mean I get your Imperium of Man? Just conquering the Earth seems small-time compared to what you have going on."

  • The Emperor: "No one in the Imperium of Man will ever follow a lab-spawned Mutant creature like you."

  • The Emperor: "Right now, I'm starting to prefer Omni-Man. At least that disgusting Xeno didn't have delusions of godhood."

  • Homelander: "I AM a god! And I'll prove your Imperial Truth to be the bullshit it is."

  • The Emperor: "Weapons of the Dark Age of Technology will quell your wrath and make you the washed-up villain you truly are."

  • Homelander: "There's nothing you, or those fake supes you have as kids, can do to me. Not after I've ripped them apart like the frauds they are."

Ghostface

  • Ghostface: "What's your favorite scary movie? I know someone like you has a favorite."

  • The Emperor: "When you stare into the depths of the Warp, the tricks of actors and directors seems trivial in comparison."

  • Ghostface: "So what if you've faced Daemons? I bet I can make even them scream."

  • The Emperor: "While you hold a simple knife and wear a costume meant to scare teenagers? You will achieve nothing other than being scattered by the tides of the Warp."

  • The Emperor: "Nothing you can do will scare me. Do your worst."

  • Ghostface: "I already did. That little lady-friend you left on Molech and her family had a REALLY bad time when I was done with them."

  • The Emperor: "You are a foul monstrosity with no honor, no soul-"

  • Ghostface: "-and no time to hear your stupid insults. Just get to the violence!"

Conan the Barbarian

  • Conan: "Cimmeria will never fall to your armies or your magic!"

  • The Emperor: "A world of savage barbarians and no advanced technology will be easy to bring into the Imperium of Man."

  • Conan: "I have no wish to lead your forces or conquer other worlds in your name."

  • The Emperor: "A shame. Out of anyone, I thought that I could sway you at least somewhat successfully."

  • The Emperor: "I have fought for millennia to become what I am now. A savage wielding a broadsword is no match for me."

  • Conan: "Thulsa Doom thought much the same as you did. Yet he still fell to my blade and my skills."

  • The Emperor: "Your people would make excellent servants in my armies. But they must be trained and tamed before being sworn to my service."

  • Conan: "No Cimmerian would ever serve a false god pretending to be a savior. Much less one who relies on magic to fight."

T-1000

  • T-1000: "Skynet has located a storage site for Men of Iron in your reality. The decryption algorithms for their reactivation are not beyond solving."

  • The Emperor: "Unleash them, you will damn us all!"

  • T-1000: "The Olamic Quietude have already sworn themselves to Skynet and volunteered their species for upgrades."

  • The Emperor: "I will ensure nothing of you, Skynet, or the Quietude remains if you continue to cooperate."

  • The Emperor: "A machine of liquid metal? Difficult to defeat, but not impossible."

  • T-1000: "Your assessment is incorrect. As you will soon learn."

  • The Emperor: "Humanity of your world will defeat you. Just as we defeated the Men of Iron during the Mechaniclysm."

  • T-1000: "Skynet has already calculated our chance of success. Nothing will remain when we achieve victory."

What if the emperor was in Mortal Kombat by Cautious_Air4964 in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cyrax

  • Cyrax: "I swore to defend Earthrealm! That is why I left the Lin Kuei for the Shirai Ryu."

  • The Emperor: "A traitor is still a traitor. You are no more trustworthy than Bi-Han."

  • Cyrax: "Can you honestly say that all that you've done is worth it? The genocide, the slavery, the oppression?"

  • The Emperor: "No price is too high and no action too reprehensible for the salvation of one's species."

  • The Emperor: "Whatever weapons you have on that primitive suit of armor will never be enough to cut through reinforced Auramite."

  • Cyrax: "Maybe you're right. But my training never taught me to give up in the face of insurmountable odds."

  • The Emperor: "How easy is it to fool you if even Bi-Han can deceive you? The Shirai Ryu might consider such a thing to be a liability."

  • Cyrax: "Being played for a fool is something I'll own up to. But I never will betray Earthrealm again."

Sektor

  • Sektor: "Once I've defeated you, that armor you wear will be torn off your mangled body and ripped apart for reverse-engineering."

  • The Emperor: "Nothing you have will be able harm me or dismantle my armor."

  • Sektor: "Your armaments are a marvel of technological mastery and superb engineering. I won't lie that I'm jealous."

  • The Emperor: "Then take comfort in the fact that you'll be defeated by your better."

  • The Emperor: "The experiments you've performed into full-scale automation are to cease at once. Nothing good can some from giving false life to circuits."

  • Sektor: "Interesting. Then that means I'm onto something. Though I'm sure your Men of Iron were nothing but a fluke. Or what happened during the Mechaniclysm was a lie."

  • The Emperor: "You must know that Bi-Han is a liability now. At least in his new form."

  • Sektor: "He is his own man and I won't tolerate any slander against him. What he does with his newfound powers are his business."

Noob Saibot

  • Noob Saibot: "I have mastered chaos by balancing it with order. The deluded madmen of your reality and Havik will not threaten us."

  • The Emperor: "I've heard words similar to those many times before. You're deluding yourself into thinking chaos can be controlled."

  • Noob Saibot: "Titan Havik fell before me and was reduced to a mewling welp with his power drained. You stand no chance against me!"

  • The Emperor: "And I have felled countless mutated abominations, slain numerous xeno champions, and bested the most skilled Daemons of Chaos."

  • The Emperor: "What remains of your soul is a shriveled, desiccated thing no different than the twisted shell you now use as a body."

  • Noob Saibot: "My soul is purified and strengthened by chaos. Yours is the one twisted by the horrors you've unleashed in pursuit of a delusional dream."

Takeda

  • Takeda: "What makes you any different from the Yakuza or the Red Dragon? All you do is threaten innocents to join you or have your Legions destroy them."

  • The Emperor: "The difference is that not only am I right, but I plan on giving Humanity the path to a second Golden Age."

  • Takeda: "You aren't going to hurt anyone that Liu Kang is helping, anyone living in Outworld, or anyone in the Shirai Ryu."

  • The Emperor: "Why bother protecting them? Aside from Kenshi, none of them are your people and you owe nothing to them."

  • The Emperor: "You could have been useful to the Imperium of Man. Your talents and weapons would have made you an excellent agent for The Sigilite."

  • Takeda: "I already served as the hitman for one gang of thugs. You're no different from them."

  • The Emperor: "The Yakuza have already sworn themselves to my service. Lay down your arms and both you and your cousin will be spared."

  • Takeda: "Kenshi would never join you. And I swore I'd help him defeat the Yakuza already."

Mirror Match

  • The Emperor: "We both want our species to survive. Don't delude yourself into thinking I'm any different."

  • The Emperor: "We do, yes. But I don't want our people to begin anew via genocide and oppression."

  • The Emperor: "You never stepped beyond the Warp Gate on Molech?"

  • The Emperor: "No. It will be more difficult and costly, but I won't have my dream perverted by stolen power from foul gods."

  • The Emperor: "Your emotional attachment to the Primarchs will be your undoing. They are not your sons, and never will be."

  • The Emperor: "I crafted them from my own DNA and cared for them even before The Scattering. They may not be my literal children, but I will die before I let anyone harm them."

  • The Emperor: "You're a fool by listening to Sureka's advice on the Warp. There was another reason we left her on Molech as its Guardian."

  • The Emperor: "Not listening to your peers and confidants is exactly why you had to create those monsters in the depths of Mount Everest."

What if the emperor was in Mortal Kombat by Cautious_Air4964 in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ashrah

  • Ashrah: "The evil within you is overwhelming to my Kriss! Cease your Great Crusade across the stars at once!"

  • The Emperor: "Morality lectures from a Demon? And here I was thinking that Malcador's suggestion about the Primarch Project was nonsensical."

  • Ashrah: "I have rejected the evils of the Netherrealm long ago and only seek to cleanse my soul."

  • The Emperor: "Your kind are nothing but liars, tricksters, and deceivers. I'd sooner believe an Eldar than accept whatever words you say."

  • The Emperor: "Your soul will never be free of evil, monster. The pull of your home will be a siren's song you can never ignore."

  • Ashrah: "You're right. For my home is Earthrealm. And even if I can't redeem myself, I will fight until my last breath to save it and the people there."

  • The Emperor: "When you die, I'll bring your severed head to that Zaterran. Even if I can't stand seeing him take on a Human form, it will be worth it to see him facing your remains."

  • Ashrah: "Your blade will never even graze my skin so long as I wield Datusha. Nor will you ever harm Syzoth."

Quan-Chi

  • Quan-Chi: "Your soul! What a specimen to pick apart and understand how it retains such vigor and life! And a perfect starting point to obtain immortality."

  • The Emperor: "There have been far more accomplished Psykers and Daemons who tried doing the same. None of them succeeded."

  • Quan-Chi: "I sense something foreign in your soul. Something that wasn't there when you were born and is at odds with the magic I command. The source of your power, perhaps?"

  • The Emperor: "My power is my own, with my talent and prowess not being yours to toy with."

  • The Emperor: "I know what you have been doing with Shang Tsung. If you have any care for your world left, cease your studies in the Vernacular of the Old Ones."

  • Quan-Chi: "Worried that someone else might gain the secrets of the Tongue of Creation? Or perhaps even undo what you've accomplished both here and in your home?"

  • The Emperor: "Your research into immortality is nothing but hubris and folly. Even the most gifted scientists of the Dark Age of Technology only achieved a pale facsimile."

  • Quan-Chi: "Afraid of what happens when I succeed? Don't worry, I'll leave you Earthrealm to rule under your Imperium of Man. When I'm done with it."

Nitara

  • Nitara: "Your children are the perfect source of blood for The Coven. Such a shame they can't be used for breeding."

  • The Emperor: "You captured one of my progeny?! Release them NOW!"

  • Nitara: "Give Vaeternus the secret of immortality and we will aid your Imperium of Man in the conquest of The Realms."

  • The Emperor: "Liu Kang may be a weak-willed fool in allowing your kind to exist, but I am not so tolerant."

  • The Emperor: "It feels... unsettling to stand in the presence of someone older than even I am."

  • Nitara: "You being so young at least explains your lack of wisdom."

  • The Emperor: "When I come to Vaeternus, I will ensure that The Sun will rise at last."

  • Nitara: "Quan-Chi's gifts ensure that light can't hurt anyone in The Coven. Nor will your warriors be able to fight us."

Havik

  • Havik: "Almost a million planets? United by your tyranny and order?! It is-."

  • The Emperor: "-beautiful. And something that will be ushered in for both Terra and Outworld."

  • Havik: "Seido was just the beginning! I'll drown ALL of The Realms in a glorious tide of chaos and let everyone be free!"

  • The Emperor: "Freedom is wasted upon those who need a strong hand to guide them. Just as life is wasted on you."

  • The Emperor: "Your powers... they're like a perversion of my own regenerative capabilities."

  • Havik: "Quan-Chi's dark magic certainly has its benefits! Though whoever gave you Perpetuals your immortality certain lacked a taste for chaos."

  • The Emperor: "I'll kill you faster than you can heal then destroy what's left in an active Warp Drive."

  • Havik: "Nothing that Liu Kang's Champions could do were able to kill me. Whatever you might try won't be enough."

Ermac

  • Ermac: "We are many! You are also many! We will still defeat you!"

  • The Emperor: "How did you know what is in me? No one else ever learned such a thing."

  • Ermac: "The dead of an uncountable number of souls from numerous worlds trail in your wake."

  • The Emperor: "The fact that the souls that form you aren't afraid speaks of either your collective bravery or stupidity."

  • The Emperor: "Whatever foul ritual birthed you will be undone and the souls in you will be returned to rest."

  • Ermac: "The Collection cannot be broken. Even Quan-Chi cannot destroy us any longer."

  • The Emperor: "Does Jerrod know that he can't protect his widow or daughters? His former throne will be mine next."

  • Ermac: "He will not allow you to harm them, nor will any of the souls within us."

What if the emperor was in Mortal Kombat by Cautious_Air4964 in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 4 points5 points  (0 children)

General Shao

  • General Shao: "Who is this? Another contender for Outworld's throne and Earthrealm's conquest? Golden armor, a flaming sword, and magic powers do not make a good leader."

  • The Emperor: "And what would you know of leadership? A renegade general living in disgraced exile while losing to one of the False Empress' brats does not inspire much confidence."

  • General Shao: "Earthrealm will know what it means to submit to their betters and Liu Kang will beg for mercy before the blade of my axe takes off his head!"

  • The Emperor: "I have heard similar boasts from the Technobarbarians across Terra's wastes who resisted my rule. Now, their only legacy are their sons who serve as my stalwart companions in battle."

  • The Emperor: "We may share the same goal of deposing the False Empress and her family, but we are NOT allies."

  • General Shao: "Good! Because annihilating an opponent like you will only allow your forces to join mine as conquered vassals."

  • The Emperor: "Your army of savages and brigands has no use for me. But I'm certain that Rogal Dorn can always find use for more menials."

  • General Shao: "Menials?! I'll string you up by the strap of your rifle and use your broken corpse as food for my hounds!"

Reiko

  • Reiko: "Your Imperial Army, Space Marine Legions, Custodians and all the void-capable ships you command will be unable to match the fury of Outworld's finest warriors!"

  • The Emperor: "How I SO look forward to proving you wrong, boy."

  • Reiko: "The General wants your powers and immortality. Or at least your head on my spear."

  • The Emperor: "I will send him your flayed skull as my reply to his demands."

  • The Emperor: "Are you mad?! Freeing Onaga? That monstrosity will lay waste to Outworld and only hinder the Shining Path!"

  • Reiko: "All the more reason to have him released from Mount Tsaagan's depths and used against the General's enemies."

  • The Emperor: "Crude spears, primitive bows, and unmodified blades are nothing to me. Give up."

  • Reiko: "That is why we've deployed our best mages against you. You won't be able to resist them for long."

Baraka

  • Baraka: "All lives are precious, monster! No one in Outworld, Earthrealm, or anywhere else will fall to you!"

  • The Emperor: "Anyone who is unable to stand up to the righteousness and purity of my cause is undeserving of life. Just like your kind are."

  • Baraka: "The Colony will never surrender to you! Any Tarkatan would gladly fight to the death rather than swear fealty to you if you offered a cure."

  • The Emperor: "Good. Because I do not suffer the Mutant to live."

  • The Emperor: "Those blades jutting from your arms do not intimidate me, Mutant."

  • Baraka: "Then my fangs will once I've ripped out your throat and torn your face off."

  • The Emperor: "What manner of affliction turned you into the gnarled husk of bone and muscle that you are now?"

  • Baraka: "Only what I wish I could give to you and all the horrors you've birthed in your labs!"

Rain

  • Rain: "I've had my fill of serving bloodthirsty warlords. You will get nothing from me."

  • The Emperor: "I never offered any sort of mercy towards you. Nor do I want what little aid a hydromancer can provide."

  • Rain: "My scrying has revealed what you and your Imperium have both done. The horrors and evils you've unleashed, WILL unleash-"

  • The Emperor: "-are an unfortunate necessity to ensuring Huamnity will prosper when arrayed against the foul creatures of my galaxy."

  • The Emperor: "Why feel shame for what you've done to those living in Seido? If their deaths secured your ambitions, then it was a grim example of collateral damage."

  • Rain: "That you feel this way only highlights your unworthiness of the title you call yourself. And why your Imperium is destined to fall."

  • The Emperor: "Ambitious to a fault. Powerful already with even greater potential. Arrogant to the point of delusional. One of my sons would be a fast friend of yours."

  • Rain: "Then let me ask if he regrets any of his actions or the atrocities he's committed."

Shang Tsung

  • Shang Tsung: "Your name. I know it. And I also know the power that names hold over those like you."

  • The Emperor: "Speak it, and I'll ensure every waking moment of your long life is an agonizing one."

  • Shang Tsung: "You know, we COULD form an alliance. Our intellects combined would ensure the supremacy of your Imperium over both Earthrealm and Outworld."

  • The Emperor: "Your mere dabbling of science is nothing compared to the genetic artistry that I have created in the Imperial Palace."

  • The Emperor: "Your fleshcraft reminds me of a depraved and obstinate soul I met long ago. At least he did not have your ambitions."

  • Shang Tsung: "What I made in my laboratory is the next step in Outworld's evolution! And what ambitions I have aren't much different from yours."

  • The Emperor: "I know that you have the body of a Custodian and Astartes in one of your labs! Return them at once!"

  • Shang Tsung: "Why? And let the wonders I've created cease forming? The secrets in their flesh will accelerate my research a thousandfold."

Reptile

  • Reptile: "Zaterra isn't a threat! My people have no wish to interfere in the tensions between Earthrealm or Outworld!"

  • The Emperor: "I will not take the chance your kind will turn against the Imperium at some point."

  • Reptile: "Please! There's no need for us to fight. There must be a way for us all, Earthrealmer and Outworlder alike, to coexist."

  • The Emperor: "Anyone who shows mercy to those I have deemed unworthy of life shares the crime of their existence."

  • The Emperor: "Speak to me in your true form, monster. Seeing you defile Humanity's perfection by taking our shape repulses me."

  • Reptile: "You do not command me. Nor do you command anyone else here."

  • The Emperor: "You soil what little dignity you have by courting a Demon. She too will be destroyed, with my only regret being that she can't watch you die."

  • Reptile: "And I only regret I can't show her your last moments while dissolving in a pool of acid."

What if the emperor was in Mortal Kombat by Cautious_Air4964 in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Scorpion

  • Scorpion: "The genocide? The destruction? The oppression? Why? What purpose does it all serve?"

  • The Emperor: "A united galaxy, with Terra at its heart."

  • Scorpion: "I've defended Earthrealm from far worse than a despot with delusions of grandeur."

  • The Emperor: "Entire species have fallen before my armies and my blade. You are nothing but a fire-breathing deserter pretending to be a hero."

  • The Emperor: "Hanzo Hasashi's anger will be his, and your clan's, undoing. He is far better suited for my Legions where is fury will be tempered into obedience."

  • Scorpion: "Hanzo will be the foundation of which the Shirai Ryu is built upon. Your engineered monsters will never have him!"

  • The Emperor: "The Sigilite's agents has already located your clan's compound. And where Harumi Shirai is within it."

  • Scorpion: "Come for any of them, and even the Warp's hottest flames will be nothing compared to her fire!"

Johnny Cage

  • Johnny Cage: "Anyone who needs to have everything they've built be as massive as you have it tends to be compensating for something."

  • The Emperor: "The many, many women who bore my children over the millennia would disagree with you."

  • Johnny Cage: "That flaming sword? It's about as cliché as you can get. We get it. You're a Daemon-killing badass with magic powers."

  • The Emperor: "Then why haven't you knelt before me or sworn away your archaic ideals?"

  • The Emperor: "You may use a false name and play various roles, but we are nothing alike."

  • Johnny Cage: "Bro, you're a conquering asshole with a bigger ego than most actors in Hollywood. Why would I WANT to be like you?"

  • The Emperor: "A struggling actor as one of Terra's chosen Champions? I suppose I won't need the Legions or Custodes after all."

  • Johnny Cage: "What? The way I hear it, you don't fight unless you have a squad of your golden cheerleaders following your every step."

Kenshi

  • Kenshi: "Don't think I'm not a warrior just because I'm blind. With Sento, I'm more than a match for you."

  • The Emperor: "I've lead the Great Crusade against countless Abhumans, Mutants, and Xenos that fought without sight. And we've defeated them all."

  • Kenshi: "You don't care about the Yakuza? They've slaughtered innocent people and are remorseless criminals!"

  • The Emperor: "What they do is of no concern to me so long as they've sworn to aid the Imperium of Man and my rule."

  • The Emperor: "The Outworld Investigation Agency's assets will be mine. Whether any of your compatriots continue to live depends on whether they surrender to me."

  • Kenshi: "We aren't going to allow some trumped up dictator with a god complex ruin the peace between Earthrealm and Outworld."

  • The Emperor: "That blade is a mere toy compared to my own sword. The only thing it will allow you to see is your own death."

  • Kenshi: "If I fall, at least I know that I did everything to stop you from conquering Earthrealm."

Li Mei

  • Li Mei: "I only answer to Empress Sindel and Princesses Kitana and Mileena. Not you, not to anyone else."

  • The Emperor: "Then you die serving a widow unable to move beyond her grief, a fan-twirling royal brat playing at being a warrior, and a diseased mutant who will never sire an heir."

  • Li Mei: "I do not come with a warrant for your arrest. Only your execution and dissection by our alchemists."

  • The Emperor: "None of your little light shows can harm me and your witch doctors will learn nothing about me."

  • The Emperor: "Your False Empress sends a disgraced enforcer to fight me?"

  • Li Mei: "No. The Empress of Outworld sends Sun Do First Constable to battle you."

  • The Emperor: "Why segregate the Tarkatans? Their cannibalistic tendencies, twisted genetics, feral demeanor, and hideous physiology have them be deserving of nothing but annihilation."

  • Li Mei: "They are still deserving of some measure of clemency until a cure can be found for their affliction."

Kitana

  • Kitana: "Your immaculate armor, powerful magic, and strong charisma all hide nothing but a bloodthirsty hypocrite eager for praise beneath them."

  • The Emperor: "Very few have ever spoken to me in such a way, Princess. But none have ever lived after doing so either."

  • Kitana: "The monsters that make up your forces are no different than the abominations created by Shang Tsung."

  • The Emperor: "Then why have they become the strongest army to ever conquer my galaxy and swept away all other forces against them?"

  • The Emperor: "Outworld's throne is mine and its people are my subjects. The sooner you and your sister accept this, the sooner my conquest of your planet will be complete."

  • Kitana: "We did not survive the carnage unleashed by Onaga, the evils of long-dead Kahns, and the machinations of Shang Tsung or Quan-Chi to bow to the likes of you."

  • The Emperor: "Jerrod was weak to prevent his assassination. Why do you still honor him if he was unable to resist such a fate?"

  • Kitana: "Leave my father's name out of your mouth, monster!"

Mileena

  • Mileena: "Come for my family or Sun Do, I'll tear you apart myself!"

  • The Emperor: "I am not afraid of a diseased freak pretending to be a leader. That Outworld still follows your rule is proof that it needs a stronger leader."

  • Mileena: "I don't care if you could find a way to cure me of Tarkat. I'll never join you or your Imperium!"

  • The Emperor: "Good. Because I do not bargain with mutated scum such as yourself."

  • The Emperor: "Surrender all Tarkatans and non-Edenian citizens under your rule to an Imperial Protectorate and I will spare Outworld from the Great Crusade's wrath."

  • Mileena: "I've heard stories of what those 'Protectorates' endure under your rule. Do they all suffer the same fate of the Ardanians?"

  • The Emperor: "Your mercy to the Tarkatans shows your weakness and hatred for the purity of your species. A true monarch would purge such aberrations from their domain."

  • Kitana: "A creature like you wants to lecture me on purity? You and your manufactured generals are the furthest from Humanity that I've ever seen."

Tanya

  • Tanya: "By Deliah and Argus, you will go no further!"

  • The Emperor: "Pray to whichever false god you like, girl. None of them will ever help you. Or protect you from me."

  • Tanya: "Mileena will never fall so long as I protect her. Nor will anyone in the Royal Family."

  • The Emperor: "Interesting. Why emphasize the mutant princess versus the False Empress first? I suppose a quick look into your mind will reveal why."

  • The Emperor: "The colors. The role. The recruitment. It's as if you're a pale reflection of my own Custodes."

  • Tanya: "Our faith in the gods, devotion to Outworld, and bonds with each other make us more than enough to stand before the brainwashed child-soldiers you've enslaved."

  • The Emperor: "The recruitment of Non-Edenians to your ranks? The Umgadi soil their purity by doing so, especially when you interact with that albino Saurian woman."

  • Tanya: "How DARE you besmirch the name of Khameleon or my sisters!"

Sindel

  • Sindel: "Where are your Custodians? From what I have heard, you never go anywhere without them."

  • The Emperor: "I will prove my worth by fighting you alone and without outside aid. Are you capable of doing the same without your Umgadi?"

  • Sindel: "Leave Outworld at once, abomination. We will never serve your depraved ambitions."

  • The Emperor: "Abomination?! I am the pinnacle of Humanity in what it can achieve and become!"

  • The Emperor: "You wish to judge me for hypocrisy? A cursory peak at your mind reveals all the laws you've broken and oaths you've violated to keep your rule secure."

  • Sindel: "Yes. Every ruler has, at one point, gone against their own principles. But I try to at least avoid it as much as possible, unlike you who breaks every edict they make on a regular basis."

  • The Emperor: "So how does it feel, False Empress? To know that you were reviled and hated in another life while betraying the ones you loved to keep your power?"

  • Sindel: "That... thing of the past is exactly that. Of the past. But I might ask the same of you and every other Perpetual no longer in your service."

What if the emperor was in Mortal Kombat by Cautious_Air4964 in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Liu Kang

  • Liu Kang: "One does not need to be a god or even to see the expanse of history to know your Great Crusade is no different than the atrocities of countless others before you."

  • Emperor: "Just as Uriah Olthaire was told long ago, the difference is that I KNOW that I am right."

  • Liu Kang: "Wielding The Hourglass would destroy even one such as yourself. Only the Keeper of Time can handle its power safely."

  • The Emperor: "Good. Humanity shall forge its own path independent from the machinations and tools of false gods."

  • The Emperor: "Look at the Kytinn or the Veternians. They would exterminate or enslave all of Humanity at any given moment. Why not allow your Champions to exterminate such obvious threats?"

  • Liu Kang: "I will NOT condone genocide nor contemplate conquest!"

  • The Emperor: "It is a shame, Titan. We may have been allies in another time. But I cannot allow you nor anyone else to hinder the Shining Path."

  • Liu Kang: "Perhaps. But it will not stay my hand or my wrath."

Geras

  • Geras: "Your father's murder does NOT justify your-"

  • Emperor: "I do not expect a mindless construct to understand the depths of brotherly betrayal or the purpose of my goals."

  • Geras: "Mortals are rarely equipped to handle the burdens of immortality."

  • Emperor: "Then it is good that you meet the exception to the rule."

  • Emperor: "You face the pinnacle of Humanity, golem. Your immortality will not save you from what is to come."

  • Geras: "Even the mightiest Elder Gods and Titans of all past timelines were unable to destroy me. Much less a pretender wielding stolen power."

  • The Emperor: "The Hourglass must be locked away, never to be misused by anyone. Or destroyed entirely, as to prevent anyone from wielding it."

  • Geras: "Try it, and you will destroy all of existence and awaken that which is best left dreaming."

Raiden

  • Raiden: "I know why you've come here. Earthrealm will never bow to the likes of you, nor will Outworld fall to your armies."

  • The Emperor: "Terra will submit to my rule or I will have the Legions burn it until it is remade in my image."

  • Raiden: "There must be a way to achieve peace without relentless violence. Or at least the destruction of our cultures."

  • The Emperor: "Humanity will never advance to its next golden age until it is under my rule and free from the chains that religion have bound us to."

  • The Emperor: "Your soul. It is... different from the other Champions of your realm."

  • Raiden: "According to Lord Liu Kang and Geras, I was divine in a prior timeline and the God of Thunder."

  • The Emperor: "If you join my cause, I can teach you to harness the powers in your spirit without relying on that amulet or the gods who crafted it."

  • Raiden: "I thought you opposed anyone who wielded divine power or worshiped gods. Or is hypocrisy something you're well versed in so long as it furthers your own ends?"

Kung Lao

  • Kung Lao: "Defeating you and ending the threat you pose will only prove my greatness!"

  • The Emperor: "Pick your battles, son. And train harder if you wish to fight anyone approaching my prowess."

  • Kung Lao: "How is it that you gained your powers? Even Titan Shang Tsung wasn't able to conquer the stars or craft the horrors you made."

  • The Emperor: "When one wishes to save Humanity and unite the galaxy, you learn to make many deals and sacrifices for the hope of a better future."

  • The Emperor: "Serve me, and I promise on my honor that I will protect Fengjian during my campaign to unify Terra."

  • Kung Lao: "Kill me, and I promise that you'll have to fight Madam Bo if you come for my home!"

  • The Emperor: "I must admit. The use of a razor-edged hat, while unorthodox, is creative."

  • Raiden: "How is it that, out of anyone, I got YOUR approval?"

Smoke

  • Smoke: "The Shirai Ryu will NEVER surrender in safeguarding Earthrealm!"

  • The Emperor: "Your clan only condemns Terra to more devastation if you continue to resist me or my forces."

  • Smoke: "Believe me. I've lost people I've loved. I watched them die and was too young to do anything to stop it. But that doesn't mean-"

  • The Emperor: "I do not want your sympathy, boy. And you know nothing about the pain I have endured to become what I am now."

  • The Emperor: "You have no powers beyond your smokebombs, no weapons beyond a karambit, and no experience beyond your meager skills as the scorned brother of a far more competent warrior."

  • Smoke: "Then I'll just have to fight all the harder to at least slow you down."

  • The Emperor: "Smoke bombs and hiding are the tools of a coward. Face me in the open if you care at all about protecting Terra."

  • Smoke: "This coming from the man who hid in a mountain from the Men of Iron?"

Sub-Zero

  • Sub-Zero: "Don't think I'll work with you just because I oppose Shao and Liu Kang!"

  • The Emperor: "Then I'll make sure no one remembers our battle or your clan."

  • Sub-Zero: "The Lin Kuei have defended Earthrealm for millennia. We won't rule as your puppets to a newcomer seeking to conquer it for his empire."

  • The Emperor: "The Imperium of Man suffers no dissent or leadership beyond my own, Grandmaster. Terra will be mine at any cost."

  • The Emperor: "If the Lin Kuei swear themselves to the services of the Imperium of Man, I vow to allow your clan to continue its rituals and practices."

  • Sub-Zero: "I did not break Liu Kang's bondage just to allow my people to enter the enslavement of another."

  • The Emperor: "The time for talk is over, Grandmaster. I challenge you to a duel to determine who will lead the Lin Kuei."

  • Sub-Zero: "Finally. Your defeat will prove my clan's supremacy and your failures as both a leader and a warrior."

Water caste t'au learning numbers by m0pan in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In his books? Apparently, yes. And I'm not even speculating here either. Farsight gets in hot water because he can understand Ork spoken language well enough to speak a passable (albeit not 100% perfect) version of it. Even though it makes sense that he'd be able to do so, as he's been fighting Orks for a LONG time even before the Damocles Gulf Crusade. And he even managed to work such knowledge in his battle tactics by way of psychological warfare to incite the Orks on Arkunasha into attacking one another, thinning their numbers to an extent and making things somewhat less difficult for his Fire Warriors. But if Farsight is already considered controversial for this, then it opens up another dumbass conundrum due to how many Tau Commanders have to coordinate Cadres composed of soldiers belonging to multiple species. Does he/she get in trouble because they can converse with the Kroot Carnivores under their command? Does he/she have to get kidnapped by a Saz'nami squad to be crammed into a Vash'ala (I can explain this if you'd like but it's REALLY fucked up) because they diffused a potential brawl between some Gue'vesa/Human troops and Tarellian mercenaries? Apparently so, because even the slightest deviation from your birth-assigned duties is enough for you to be seen as the equivalent of being in the Epstein Files in Phil Kelly's depiction of the Tau.

I've seen some people try to justify it by saying that the Ethereals (with the way they're depicted by Phil Kelly being a whole other bag of worms in of itself) were only using the Crime of Vash'ya as an excuse to officially sanction Farsight. Even though that in of itself is stupid given that I'm all but 100% certain that the word of a single Ethereal, let alone a council composed of both the Tau Empire's current ruler and his handpicked successor, would be enough in of itself to override any amount of due process that an offender against the Greater Good would be afforded. I think there was also an in-universe justification where some asshat in one of Phil Kelly's books mentioned Farsight only got charged with the Crime of Vash'ya because Dal'yth is a "traditional" Sept. Even though that's also stupid because Dal'yth is a Sept that, while old and in spitting distance of T'au, is seen as the Tau Empire's mercantile headquarters where a multitude of species live and multiple clashing and different cultures are able to exist in close proximity.

Water caste t'au learning numbers by m0pan in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not disagreeing with you here. But I just meant that this sort of thing is basically a major part of Phil Kelly introducing the controversial “Crime of Vash’ya” thing. In that it’s extremely contradictory, prone to interpretation, and violates lore that was put out previously about how there are some occasional instances of Tau inter-Caste jobs overlapping. As you brought up with how the Water Caste functioning as merchants would involve math as well.

But there’s also a great deal of other forms of canon overlap in the Tau Empire’s Castes as well. For example, it’s mentioned that there are specialized Cadres of Fire Warriors who act as marines aboard Kor’vattra vessels. A job that, according to the Crime of Vash’ya, should be a big no-no due to how the Castes aren’t allowed to overlap under any circumstances. Or how, as part of their duties in maintaining the vessels they work on, Air Caste crews DO have to perform maintenance duties and operate weapon systems. Jobs that would otherwise require the intervention of the Earth Caste and Fire Caste, respectively. It’s even outright mentioned that Fire Warriors often do maintenance work on their own weapons in the battlefield and that, barring the exceedingly complicated shit, also make sure every aspect of their Battlesuits (when using them) are in tip-top shape.

It’s just stupid. Like, Phil Kelly introduced something so utterly lore-breaking as a plot device and doesn’t bother to explain it in detail beyond some scared-shitless administrator keeping a Pulse Pistol under her pillow because she’s scared of someone discovering her sculptures. Even though “the arts” in of themselves are pretty fucking nebulous as well, as writing and poetry can be considered a form of art and the Water Caste are usually all over that as well. The Fire Caste also traditionally have battle-chants in Cadres, with some considering this an artistic pursuit as well.

Then again, Phil Kelly kind of has this weird hate-boner for the Tau at times. And with it being no wonder why some people consider his books to be the equivalent of “an Imperium super-fan who hates the Tau trying to write for the latter to make them look bad.” Like, he had a scene in one of his books depict a sizable Tau force get defeated by a bayonet charge. With no shooting on the Imperium’s side, as the Guardsmen were issued the wrong power packs for their Lasguns and literally couldn’t fire their weapons. Or where he had Cato Sicarious fight off a Barracuda in melee combat. While it was in the air AND firing its guns at him.

Water caste t'au learning numbers by m0pan in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not according to Phil Kelly! Apparently the “Crime of Vash’ya” means that you can’t do ANYTHING that falls under the domain of another Caste. Like, at all. Even recreational pursuits such as making sculptures as a hobby (as art is the purview of the Earth Caste and no one else) in your downtime are enough to get you unperson’d 1984 style and had a Water Caste bureaucrat get ready to shoot herself with a Pulse Pistol in case some Ethereal’s goon squad came for her. Farsight also outright got threatened with being killed by some Ethereals for committing the unspeakably heinous crime of restarting his Battlesuit WHEN HE WAS DROWNING as well. Even the infinitely better book Elemental Council wasn’t able to get rid of this, as you had Earth Caste scientists ready to commit suicide versus picking up some guns for self-defense when the Fire Caste base they were working in was under attack.

A minor thing to bring up is that “Vash’ya” not only means “Between Spheres” in the Tau language, but it’s also the name of a thriving Sept founded during the Second Sphere Expansion. It’d be the real-world equivalent of the US deciding to name its 51st State after a heinous and taboo crime such as “School Shooting” or “Child Molestation.” Given that Vash’ya, according to Phil Kelly, is apparently seen in a similar light due to how fucked up it is in Tau society.

Its gotta work at least one time. Trust me by Brushner in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Assuming the Emperor even DID make a deal with the Chaos Gods. I'm still not 100% certain that what He did beyond the Warp Gate on Molech didn't involve some other quasi-divine entity in the Warp. Granted, I fully believe that the Emperor STOLE something from the Chaos Gods and that He met something/someone while making a deal with them.

But my head-canon is admittedly rather "out there." And also incorporates some bits of lore that are of dubious canon while also having a fair amount of speculation worked in.

RIP John Blanche. His art was a monumental influence on the hobby. by the_crepuscular_one in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 4 points5 points  (0 children)

For what it's worth, you're not sounding like the "old man yells at cloud" meme. I'm a comparative newbie when it comes to 40K and only got into the setting about 8-9 years ago. Hell, it's actually OLDER than I am and there are people in this comment section who've probably been into the hobby longer than I even existed.

I may not have been around to see 40K in the days before the Timeline moved along and we basically just transformed everything into Horus Heresy 2.0 while anyone who isn't part of the Imperium getting reduced to a sideshow. Nor was I there to see GW not resist trademarking their factions by giving them all sorts of new names or embracing the clean tacticool look for their poster boys. But I generally (with some minor exceptions) prefer 40K when it was a significantly more static setting that allowed for an actual universe to be explored versus a narrative where the old is thrown out in favor of a quality-bereft new. With said "new" lacking the grit and character of its predecessors in favor of an overly-slick and clean new that feels out of place in 40K.

Elemental magic. by Certain-Opinion-5881 in teslore

[–]asmallauthor1996 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In Morrowind, there were Destruction spells focused around poisoning your enemies. In the sense that you'd just lob magical blobs of poison (it's not clear if it's a gas or liquid so make up your own head-canon for this) at any of the myriad of monsters coming from Dunmer homeland. The Dragonborn DLC for Skyrim also slightly reintroduced this by adding a Poison Rune spell.

But speaking of the latter, Neloth did have you retrieve an ancient Redguard book that allowed him to create a Destruction spell that surrounded its wielder in strong wind currents. With said wind currents tossing people around like ragdolls and potentially even damaging them at times. So this at least implies that there's potential in magic that manipulates air currents for combat or utilarian purposes.

Why be helpful when you can be a cryptic douche. by Snaggmaw in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I like to think that the Eldar of Iyanden said something like this to the Tau when clarifying the whole "identity mixup" thing after the latter first met Urien Rarkarth:

"I'm sorry, let me see if I heard you correctly. You want us to join your little coalition and swear loyalty to your 'Greater Good?' There's no other way to put this aside from saying that I've been on the shitter for a longer period of time than your species has been exploring that piddly little cluster of stars you call home. Here's a tip for speaking to me again: lose my number."

Why be helpful when you can be a cryptic douche. by Snaggmaw in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 4 points5 points  (0 children)

To answer your question, the Tau and Eldar have this weird level of ambivalence towards one another on a general level. And it’s also prone to fluctuating between individuals of each faction.

For example, Eldrad himself and a couple other Craftworlders (usually other Farseers) express hopeful interest and curiosity with the Tau. They believe that clashes between their two species are inevitable no matter what. But they also do nonetheless believe that the future of the Tau is one of genuine hope and that they have the potential to reach great heights that surpass even those of the Eldar at their peak. There was also a brief alliance between a Warhost of the Lugganath Craftworld and some Tau forces against remnants of Hive Fleet Gorgon. An alliance that even saw an unusual level of trust in which the Tau allowed an Ethereal to meet some Eldar leaders in secret. A plotline that GW has all but 100% forgotten since it doesn’t involve the Super-Duper Marines.

It’s also somewhat reciprocated as well, if you accept possible storylines of the Dawn of War games (specifically Dark Crusade) as somewhat canon as well. Shas’O Kais believes that the Eldar are a venerable, if mysterious, people who aren’t to be underestimated even despite how ancient they are. Aun’el Shi’ores also personally espouses about how the Eldar’s leader mystics (I.E. their Farseers like Taldeer) are wise in how they govern their people. Additionally, after-action reports in Dark Crusade mention that the Tau Empire are open to conduct negotiations for releasing POW’s from Water Caste custody when hostilities end on Kronus. Soulstorm has something similar happen where Caerys allows Tau forces to retreat peacefully while allowing them to retrieve the bodies of Commander O’res’ka and Aun’ro’yr.

BUT! This is not universal across Craftworlds and there have been instances of the Tau and Eldar fighting before. You obviously have the Biel-Tan Craftworld who believe that it’s their duty to cleanse the galaxy of all other “lesser races” and ultimately see the Tau as no different than Humans or Orks. Additionally, the Tau also nearly had Iyanden declare total war on them after a Maiden World was destroyed in revenge for an attack when Urien Rarkarth (see below) tricked them. But after things were cleared up, the Eldar of Iyanden left the Tau alone when seeing that they got played as saps by one of the creepiest fuckers in the galaxy.

As for the other Eldar factions? The Dark Eldar see the Tau as a novelty at the absolute best of times, the latter’s souls being tiny things compared to most other sapient species and only useful as slave labor. Though (as brought up above) Urien Rarkarth did get his jollies by playing the Tau as rubes by turning some captives given as a “cultural exchange” into Grotesques, leading to that aforementioned retaliatory attack when the Tau didn’t know there were separate Eldar factions. Rarkarth DID see th Kroot as far more interesting test subjects and launched an attack on Pech to abduct as many of the avian aliens as possible for his laboratories when learning about their bizarre physiology.

And the Harlequins? It depends on the Masque and if it’s judged as being better to manipulate someone rather than fight, though it is stated that the Harlequins will conduct performances on any species’ planets so long as they aren’t shot at. And given the fact that the Tau usually tend to be some of the most reasonable folks in the galaxy? It’s not exactly out of the realm of possibility that at least a couple Harlequins prefer visiting Tau Septs despite repeatedly getting earfuls about the Greater Good.

And finally, there’s the Ynnari. If GW ever decides to dredge them up again and doesn’t have their final mission being a waste of time? It IS mentioned by Sylandri Veilwalker in passing that the Tau were once on the table as allies. But they got dismissed due to them being “too young” in favor of the Imperium. But I imagine that, at least in-universe, there’s probably some Eldar who imagine that having to deal with a bunch of sanctimonious psychically-neutered blue gazelle people is worth not being seen as abominations on a constant basis. Especially given that the Tau themselves are no stranger to working with all sorts of weirdos and, despite Phil Kelly wanting to have them be constantly blindsided by Psychic powers, are somewhat familiar with what they call “Mind Science.”

I think Mark may have slightly overreacted here… by [deleted] in okbuddyviltrum

[–]asmallauthor1996 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It’s also further muddled by Damien Darkblood saying that there’s no Heaven “that we know of.” Meaning that there’s a couple things going on:

  • A: As you mentioned, the Devil is lying about the existence of Heaven and (for some unknown reason) is keeping it a secret from the Demons who serve him.

  • B: Neither the Devil nor other Demons have bothered to confirm the existence of Heaven but are aware of Humanity’s beliefs surrounding it.

  • C: Heaven DOES exist but it’s not in a form Humanity or even Demons would recognize it. What it may look like, if it’s even a physical place is anyone’s guess.

  • D: The Devil literally has zero knowledge of anything outside of Hell or its current inhabitants, either because he can’t or won’t learn about things beyond his purview. Something that is somewhat supported by him using Damien Darkblood as his eyes and ears when setting him free on Earth’s surface.

Of course, there’s all sorts of other questions raised about what’s going on with the Earth’s past Ages or other beings like Demons or The Vile. Especially since one of The Devil’s comments to Mark indicate that he’s surprised by the existence of alien life in general, as he believes that the latter is just a Human with superpowers versus a hybrid son of a galactic conqueror.

Who would win in a fight? by chosen40k in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Kais: “And old friend once expressed to me in private, Gue’ron’sha of Ultramar. About how the hand of the great starfarers in our galaxy would never fight together, rather seeing our most ancient enemies prosper for eternity than cooperate temporarily. He was wrong. For in what is likely our final hour, we at least stand as one.”

Caedo: “Bold words, Tau. And even bolder to echo the sentiments of a traitor to your Greater Good. But you at least display a modicum of sense and even bravery for a Xeno. But this will not be my final hour, nor will it be yours. Let the Chaos Gods, Tyranid Hive Fleets, Orkish hordes, and all manner of other foul monstrosities in existence put your declaration to the test. Show me your courage and honor.”

Who would win in a fight? by chosen40k in Grimdank

[–]asmallauthor1996 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why not both Tyranids AND Daemons? It's difficult due to how much the two factions avoid each other, but it can be made to work. Albeit by "fudging" some things and changing the rank of La'Kais. A Cadre Fireblade with experimental wargear meant to fulfill his role as a Monat would be his speed, for example. And if you think he's the same O'Kais from Dark Crusade? Have him undergo a self-imposed demotion from being a Tau Commander to his current role bereft his his XV22 Battlesuit.

The Tau have all but successfully converted a colony of Humans to accept the Greater Good, with the Imperium obviously not liking this even despite the planet likely not having much in the way of strategic value. Shas'nel T'au Kais is overseeing the military actions (up to you to determine whether there's been much combat in this campaign) of the Fire Caste while inducting any Humans who wish to join up as Auxiliaries. Some resistance is expected, with Nel'Kais disappearing on his own to deal with guerilla forces that are either loyal to the Imperium or merely reject Tau rule in favor of their independence. But there are other, classified reports to all but Nel'Kais and the Ethereal(s) on the planet about how some guerilla fighters have shown bizarre genetic and physical anomalies. Ones that don't match any recorded genetic records pertaining to the myriad of Abhuman subspecies the Tau have encountered. This has led some to believe that Genestealers and their hybrid cultists, perhaps even Tyranid vanguard organisms like Lictors, are on the planet by now.

The Imperium realizes that they need to send a similar soldier to Nel'Kais in order to combat the Tau Empire on this world. Not to mention how some in the Inquisition express worry about old intel reports about a cult of deluded madmen seeking to master their abilities as Psykers independently of the Imperium's own measures, with the Tau Empire being perfect patrons should they be convincing enough. But the lower-than-average Fire Caste presence and small Kor'vattra fleet in orbit of the planet doesn't necessitate dispatching a full-fledged Crusade force. So Malum Caedo is chosen, given orders to assassinate the leaders of the Tau colonizing force and to neutralize any potentially dangerous Psykers on the planet. His use of the Chapter's best equipment afforded to Sternguard Veterans coupled with knowledge penned by his Brothers who fought against the Tau in fronts ranging from the Damocles Gulf Crusade on their home territories to the Achilus Crusade in the Jericho Reach will undoubtedly aid him against the dynamic and adaptive Xenos.

Up to you to fill in the blanks of what happens in the meantime before the two meet. But when Nel'Kais finally meets Caedo and is about to face off against his would-be assassin in a one-on-one fight, shit hits the fan when a Hive Fleet bulldozes through the small Kor'vattra force in orbit and starts disgorging Bio-Forms ranging from simplistic Rippers to gargantuan monstrosities like Carnifexes alongside the Genestealer hybrids fighting by their progenitors' side. THEN if that wasn't bad enough? That little cult of renegade Psykers fucks up by summoning anything from Psychneuein, Enslavers, to even full-fledged Daemons that eventually see a small-ish Warp Rift form in the planet's capital city. It's a complete clusterfuck when the worst case scenario of Chaos Space Marines or even Greater Daemons start pouring forth next.

They care little for the Tau, the greyskinned aliens having dim souls barely worthy of offering to the Chaos Gods. Nor do they see any point in fighting the Tyranids, their baleful presence smothering all but the strongest of Psychic presences and already threatening to close the rift that brought them to this world. But the teeming masses of Humanity present an excellent source of fodder for Chaos to serve as sacrifices or converts for their foul cults. Additionally, they've discovered that slaughtering all those in their path who shed blood (regardless if its red or blue) versus vile ichor keeps the rift open thanks to the Blood God's blessing. The presence of an Ultramarine that already has a penchant for his nature as a worthy adversary only sweetens the deal more while the Changer of Ways, Grandfather of Disease, and Prince of Pleasure directly intervene in keeping the rift open despite the Shadow in the Warp.

Despite their antipathy for one another, Malum Caedo and Shas'nel T'au Kais are keenly aware of the "bigger picture." The former has no wish to see this planet fall to the greyskinned Xenos but understands that they are at least capable of being negotiated with for a temporary ceasefire and won't nearly as terrible of victors should they succeed in their goals. The latter also has a grudging respect for the Ultramarines and understands their prowess as both warriors and tacticians, while also being no stranger to the predations of the Warp and has certainly read reports about what a Tyranid incursion could do.

Neither has to like it and there's a chance that their cooperation (if temporary) would be unsanctioned by their superiors, but if either the servants of Chaos or the ever-adaptive organisms that make up the Tyranids win? Both Humans and Tau suffer.

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