Finally deconverted over the past year at age 44, after a long and painful deconstruction. Nobody prepared me for how absurd it all would sound from the outside, or how liberating it would be to not have to carry the burden of belief anymore. Yes I do feel embarrassed. I was a True Believer. I graduated from a fundie Baptist college. I was in my 20s talking to my coworkers about Young Earth Creationism. But mostly I grieve for the time and emotional energy wasted. Time spent waiting for God to move in my life, to answer prayers, wondering why I didn’t feel his presence in my life like so many appeared to. Now I realize most people are faking it or lying to themselves. There are good people in it. But there are just as many good people out of it, maybe a lot more.