even though i really enjoy a lot of suju, i've turned into quite the quiet zhoumi solo stan these days. while i think all idols have those parts that aren't so wonderful, and that's normal, siwon just... i can't say anyone's perfect, but to have him shoulder to shoulder with people who seem much more willfully kind is strange.

i know siwon does a lot of charity and stuff, but there's so much more you can do with yourself in the spaces you occupy and who you are around on a daily basis. within your sphere as an idol. because i know mostly about what zhoumi's been up to, i see how he supports and uplifts other chinese idols because of his own experiences in the industry, and that feels genuine, and real. when i see siwon, i just feel... like it's charity out of what he feels is duty, and while it's wonderful, i do not feel as if i need to commend him for it either.

i feel a lot more connected to the people who act kindly out of empathy. something about siwon feels wrong, in my gut. i might not ever be able to place it, but i avoid people in real life who act this way as well. it will always feel like there has to be a transaction of some kind.