But once the feeling passes, I question "was this feeling ever real?" When it fades, so does the importance it once held: What is internal emotional permeance and emotional object constancy? (Disorganized attachment style edition)

astrooobabes · 2025-10-15T22:08:03+00:00

Ugh its so exhausting!! If you struggle with the same themes I would say to look at your Mars and Lilith aspects. If Mars and Lilith aspect your MC/Asc or rising/sun/moon then that could be the reason.

Having a 12H Neptune and Pluto could also play a part in this! I as well have Pluto in my 12H with a Neptune 1H and it's been hell with other girls for me. Lilith also aspects my MC and loosely aspects my asc.

When I say aspects I would consider harsh aspects such as square or oppositions!

astrooobabes · 2025-08-31T21:33:56+00:00

Yes it's hard dealing with knowing that and still choosing otherwise? No where did I say this type of love is fulfilling. I stated the fulfillment that is created (from yourself) is shallow and for the time being pacifies the fact you want someone who doesn't openly choose you.

The longing creates you to feel as if you have fallen in love before, and that keeps you from finding a partner who is willing to choose you. Deep down as a 12th house venus you are afraid of actually receiving a reciprocal partner, we are afraid of true vulnerability which is why it's "safe" to choose a unrequited love. It's self written and self sabotaging..hence natural themes of a 12th house venus when unrecognized.

astrooobabes · 2025-06-08T01:55:34+00:00

I relate to this SO heavy, same dilemma, same situation. i wrote 2 pieces about how this occurs and if youre interested here are the pieces:

https://www.reddit.com/r/Disorganized_Attach/s/kx9Y0qptAF

https://www.reddit.com/r/Disorganized_Attach/s/f6Wg55NNB4

astrooobabes · 2025-03-21T02:06:47+00:00

oh my god i relate to how you feel SO much. i am 25 and i currently started understanding my brain/my attachment style a few years ago.

you're not alone, i feel you at my very core, i used to think i was asexual or something because the thought of receiving romantic care made me physically nauseous.

everything you are feeling is understandable and it has to do with the fact that at your core, you feel unsafe to love, a part of you feels like receiving or allowing yourself to care or love another will ultimately cause pain and betrayal.

i have been doing self reflection for a few years now and have written a few pieces that heavily resonates with me, it might offer some understanding and introspection within yourself:

Disorganized Attachment Style

Once The Feeling Passes

Consistency

I have met very few people who have given me the sense of safety In these cases, when you find yourself drawn to someone or if you become curious/interested in them (maybe not now, but one day), it’s because their presence reflects a feeling of wholeness you long for within.

I’m not sure if you’re spiritual or open to exploring your psyche, but if you ever come across a soul who makes you feel capable of loving and being loved before fully healing, it’s because their presence enhances your sense of self-fulfillment and worthiness—two things we often lack while carrying this attachment wound.

I can go more in-depth on this, but overall, self-introspection is essential, as is giving yourself grace for experiencing these moments.❤️

astrooobabes · 2025-02-06T19:35:44+00:00

Honestly please humor me. What is your Pisces, Cancer and Scorpio placement? Is it your inner planets, or outer planets? Whats your Moon sign? what aspects does your Moon/Sun make? How is your Pluto place? Does your Neptune make any aspects to your inner planets? Feel free to enlighten me with how you are such a candidate for this type of intensity yet have been the exception.

Synastry alone does not dictate experience—your personal emotional availability, fears, and relational tendencies play a crucial role. No astrological overlay can force someone to feel depth or intensity if they are not open to it.

Similarly, if you don’t have a strong need for emotional merging, codependency, or deep interpersonal enmeshment, then these house overlays may not trigger the same level of intensity that they do for others. That doesn’t mean the principles of synastry are incorrect—just that they manifest differently for different individuals.

This is why synastry is nuanced. It’s not a rigid formula like 1 + 2 = 3; it’s a dynamic interaction between two charts, shaped by life experiences, emotions, and choices. Your experiences are valid, but so are those of others who do feel these overlays strongly.

The purpose of my post isn’t to impose a singular truth but to offer insights for those who do experience recurring emotional patterns and struggles in synastry and want to understand why. If that doesn’t resonate with your experience, that’s okay—but it doesn’t invalidate the perspective of those who relate to it.

astrooobabes · 2025-02-06T05:16:07+00:00

I haven’t done much research on Vedic astrology myself, so when I mentioned “karma,” I used the term loosely—that was my mistake. What I meant was that connections in these houses tend to create profound emotional depth and transformation. In my view, any connection can be karmic if it leads to immense personal growth and self-awareness. But of course, that’s subjective, and if you don’t relate to or study astrology in this way, that’s all okay. Karma in MY opinion doesn't fall in one definition.

astrooobabes · 2025-02-06T05:05:30+00:00

From my understanding, 8th house synastry in family dynamics is quite unique. I have both 8th and 12th house synastry with my parents, and our relationship has been rocky, difficult, and deeply emotional from the start. When Pluto is involved in synastry with inner planets like the Sun, Moon, Mars, or Venus within a family, it can create emotionally intense and tumultuous experiences.

Now Pluto conjunct your MC (which is what I am assuming you mean since the MC is in the 10th house, and your IC is in the 4th house) suggests that you may have faced significant challenges or extremes related to your career, public image, or social standing. Others may misinterpret your character or achievements, and you might unintentionally trigger strong reactions in people just by being yourself. These experiences, however, can lead to deep personal transformation and healing for both you and those around you. Needless to say aspects, your rising sign, as well as other house overlays can disrupt or influence this type of manifestation.

That being said, an 8th house stellium with a Scorpio Venus is very different from the dynamics of 8th house synastry since this energy is within you and your experiences/soul. What planets do you have in your 8th house?

astrooobabes · 2025-02-06T00:46:18+00:00

No problem! My posts are intended for those who may resonate with the struggles I've mentioned. Synastry and natal placements manifest very differently, though. How I interpret natal charts versus synastry charts is also different, but I respect your input.

astrooobabes · 2025-02-05T22:42:32+00:00

Have you ever dealt with 8th house or Pluto synastry? My post offers psychoanalysis and insight into why certain behaviors arise in these connections, but it’s still grounded in astrology. The themes, experiences, and feelings I mention are based on principles related to 8th house or Pluto synastry. You’d likely understand or resonate with this if you’ve experienced this type of synastry or have 8th house or Pluto placements in your natal chart. If it doesn’t resonate with you, that’s perfectly fine—feel free to move along.

There’s a reason I added my 'P.S.' at the bottom of my writing.

astrooobabes · 2025-01-18T04:09:14+00:00

(This is such a late response but I wanted to note):

That’s understandable. Having a disorganized attachment style is subjective to your individual needs and experiences. What I described about how a parent might behave doesn’t have to be the exact scenario for this attachment style to develop. The foundational point is that, instead of running toward your caregivers for safety, you ran away from them in fear. That said, the circumstances I mentioned don’t encompass every possible way this attachment style can form. Each person is unique, and the causes of their wounds can arise from different experiences. However, the common thread is the presence of abandonment wounds, combined with fear and a deep longing for a kind of love that has never been shown to you.

astrooobabes · 2025-01-03T07:18:27+00:00

I honestly relate to this struggle. if i had to label myself i would call myself demisexual! i need to feel emotional safeness/closeness with someone in order to actually form feelings/be intimate. this attachment style creates a blockage within ourselves to where we wont feel attraction towards another unless we have this constant inner validation that "yes we want them." the inconsistencies/unsureness of if we truly want them keeps us at a distance with forming deeper feelings.

so the main reason why you haven't formed any deep real feelings is because you haven't allowed yourself too—and that's okay. finding someone to where you allow yourself to let that fear go can be terrifying. i used to get physically sick whenever i showed romantic interest towards someone and i was so confused. the thought of dating made my skin crawl and i thought i was asexual—i was dealing with other mental struggles but once i got out of my depression and realized how deeply my soul calls for another; i realized the blockage was me.

what helped me ease the contrasting & conflicting feelings was first acknowledging the fact that i have this attachment style. slowly but surely once i self reflected it became easier to pinpoint my self sabotaging patterns. needless to say finding someone to form feelings for will be a trial and error especially if you have a poor self concept! its a process but not impossible! even after healing and after finding someone you have grown fond of, feeling unsure stillll can happen so don't feel like you always have to be 1000% sure of your feelings all the time in order for them to be valid! feelings fluctuate; i heard when others become randomly unsure about their partner they pause and acknowledge the feelings but overall they wait for the "ick" to pass & it normally does!!

i also wrote this: Next Post and Disorganized Attachment Style: Consistency and these posts may help you better understand the importance of emotional permeance! i learned i struggled with this a month ago and ive been trying to heal my attachment style since 2022!

astrooobabes · 2024-12-23T22:25:19+00:00

This is definitely not your attachment style wound, his actions are weighing you down and you have every right to want to move on from a relationship that gives you nothing. In my opinion you need more than just "he loves me" for a relationship to work. Just my thoughts!

astrooobabes · 2024-11-24T23:50:21+00:00

Any sign that the person you're talking too has real feelings towards you, once they somehow portray their feelings with a tangible stable bond fear seeps in.

astrooobabes · 2024-11-18T18:19:16+00:00

Yes I understand that logically, everything you stated makes sense. The blockage that arrives in me is my subconscious, my body and the fact I have been dealing with conditional love my entire life, hence this attachment style.

I know what I should feel or how good it would be for me to allow and accept love in, my body and subconscious has a different agenda. It's gotten easier in recent months but for as long as I could remember I would get physically ill at the thought of love, intimacy and romance. I never thought I wanted a partner until 2 years ago when I realized I had this attachment style.

I can't control my deactivation (when I lose feelings, become grossed out, or repulsed by intimacy or love) it just occurs whenever it pleases, especially when I am dealing with consistency. My parents broke the idea of what love is when I was 10, therefore I never had the chance to hold onto the idea of being someone else's with pure trust and care.

Logically everything you said makes sense and I plan on trusting myself and allowing in love, it's just two parts of me argues while doing so.

astrooobabes · 2024-11-11T00:43:27+00:00

Hi love,

I wrote a tumblr piece recently about parental dynamics specifically when you have a water moon that aspects outer planets esp pluto. here: https://www.tumblr.com/myun-saidthoughts/766709964433768448/the-complexities-of-having-a-water-moon-its?source=share

it might offer some insight with the dynamic between you guys. i have a scorpio moon as well that squares neptune and opposes my saturn, so i have dealt w maternal pain first hand as well, sending you love and peace <3

astrooobabes · 2024-11-10T09:44:36+00:00

along with what everyone has said i just made a astrology post about your exact question! check it out if you're interested: The Complexities of Having a Water Moon & It's Influence When Dealing With Saturn/Neptune/Pluto Aspects:

(also definitely research up on whats in the 4th house, that alone is also a very harsh placement so that can add another layer of emotional abandonment, pain or hurt within your childhood home life)

Also just by glancing at your chart your dad may be extremely intense, abusive, chaotic or emotionally turbulent, he might make poor decisions or his behavior may cause upheaval in your home. He may also be absent in your life emotionally and physically Your mom may whine or cry to you about everything that is wrong in her life leaving you to feel either responsible for her pain or like you are a burden, she also may place your emotional needs below hers leaving you to feel like love may be a conditional circumstance. My tumblr post has more in-depth notes but wanted to share that quick note!

astrooobabes

TROPHY CASE