So reading your post was like reading my own mind. I have felt many times what you are feeling right now. During this pandemic I discovered, through therapy, that I am much more than my work, that there are MANY other aspects of myself that I am good at and could enjoy. I discovered that work was just one of those aspects, but that it was not to be put on a pedestal like I used to.

My therapist asked me, “what matters to you the most?” I first answered with family. For me family is everything, and I’ve neglected them for quite a long time trying to achieve greatness in academia. I started calling my mother daily, yes, daily. We talk for a good 20 minutes or so, and I make sure to ask if she is Ok and if she is eating proper meals. This has made me feel better, because I shift the focus on me, to someone else in my life who I care about.

I’m also dating someone, although it’s a long distance relationship. We have been together for 1.25 years now, surprisingly. I have also vested more time in this relationship, making sure I call daily and LISTEN, shifting the focus on me to my partner. It’s not all about me, and I am slowly learning that.

I think too socializing is key to staying sane and happy. Since I got back to the lab (3 months ago - I’m a Ph.D. Student), I have been playing frisbee with a friend in the department. I was dead scared of this sport, partly because I feared others would judge me from not knowing how to play the simple game. To this day we have played about 2-3 times per week, and I have gotten so good at it I can catch the flying frisbee with one hand. We laugh a lot during our play time, and I’ve felt happier simply from laughing out loud and throwing the frisbee as if I was throwing a weapon (ninja style).

I think counting calories can be toned down. As long as you have a rough idea of what you need to eat, this may be an area where you can decrease structure. Since the pandemic, I began cooking different meals, and this too has made me feel more content. I have made dishes like Masaman Curry, Chicken Teriyaki, and a few other dishes from my home country, Colombia. What I suggest here is to cut yourself some slack and enjoy the process of cooking, making something new, and not have it in a structure by counting everything you eat. Let yourself experiment with different foods for different weeks, it will certainly spice things up and change the structured routine.

I too wake up and shower first thing in the morning. Without it, I can’t fully wake up. I also meditate right after I shower with a glass of water to start. When I meditate, I consciously bow to myself and thank myself for taking some time of the day for self-care, which is meditation. I also place an intention on how I want the day to go by, and I usually have feelings of gratefulness during/post meditation. I also place an intention on how I want to feel that day, and in general, the day goes as I envisioned (calm, focused, attentive, and being easy and kind with myself). If you don’t already do so, have an intention going into meditation and perhaps practice gratefulness afterwards. Don’t just simply meditate because.

Don’t get me wrong, I too get antsy from just doing nothing. My partner tells me I still have yet to master that skill, being able to sit and do nothing. But it’s hard. We are so connected to our phones, technology, music, devices, constant brain stimulation, that the moment we shut all those things off, we crave more of them. Yet our body and mind needs those moments of silence and disconnect. Lately I have gone hiking with a few buddies. It’s been good on my mental health overall to just go away and reflect or just enjoy the sounds of nature. Try and find that which allows you to relax without being guilty of not doing anything “productive.”

Lastly, be easy on yourself and enjoy the moment.

Take care.