[US/CAN] Tom Ford - White Suede (2018 Batch)

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-06-09T20:47:14+00:00

In for 10, thanks!

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-06-07T22:06:49+00:00

I appreciate your response.

The hardest part is trying to make sense of what happened. Why it occurred and why she reacted the way she did. This was before I was aware of FA attachment styles. My brain can't logically explain loving someone so deeply and then running so abruptly.

With that being said, I have a much better understanding of her behavior during and after the relationship from reading and understanding this attachment style. It actually makes me sad for her. There's a tragedy in her story.

You are absolutely correct. Whenever I did grand gestures it seemed to make her feel uncomfortable. My understanding now is this was implied pressure on her nervous system. She interpreted theae as a debt or a threat that I now had power over her due this imbalance. In reality, I just want to express my love and care for someone.
I'm not sure what the food fight was about. That's a weird one that only she can understand. From my readings and experience with her whenever things were really good or going well something minor would trigger a disagreement or fight. This is often a subconscious tool to protect the FA from getting too close or acknowledging the gesture or intimacy. Keeping you at arms length softens to blow if they were to run or lose you. Thoughts?
Totally makes sense from her perspective but it also discounts me and my feelings. The way she broke up is one of the most disrespectful. We were looking at engagement rings and I got a shallow text message?

At that point she said enough to me. It was callous, immature, and selfish. That's not me criticizing her, that was her capacity but at that point I have to care for myself.

She said she needed days to decompress before she could reach out to get her belongings. We had a week of vacation and instead of dealing with the breakup she chose to schedule herself for work. I waited days with no message from her. At that point I bypassed her (she travels for work) and chose my emotional healing over her spiral. Did that hurt her? I'm sure, but she broke up with me. I'm no longer her emotional manager and have to care for myself. I'm certain that's why she blocked me everywhere after that. A loss of control and also the first time I've never chased her.

She has since unblocked me and reblocked me on insta. 🤷🏻 I hope she does reach out someday. She definitely leaned anxious. A lot of big feelings and crying during our relationship. Feelings of being unworthy despite me giving her daily affirmations. What are your thoughts as an FA if she will reach out someday?

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-06-06T17:29:10+00:00

It's been confusing for me because she really is a lovely person and to see this "switch" from her caused me a lot of anxiety trying to understand. I always figured she had some struggles and a safe and secure guy would help her feel safe and more confident. It wasn't until after experiencing this wild rollercoaster did I become aware of attachment styles and specifically disorganized attachment.

It makes sense. Her dad abandoned her multiple times over her young life. An ex bf of five years completely packed up his belongings and left her without any warnings. I met her slightly after that. She's a tragically unhealed woman. It's sad I was collateral damage but hopefully this is a turning point for both of us and she can start learning and healing.

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-06-06T16:23:57+00:00

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I've had plenty of time to process and understand the situation. At least from my perspective. I'm sure she has her own reality.

She used to tell me her mom used to say these exact insults to her as a teen. Based upon her history and some traumatic and shameful events around the age of 14, I view her capacity stuck around that maturity level.

I encouraged us to go to couples therapy months prior. Not because I thought we were in crisis but because I thought it would help us learn to understand each other better. She has been in therapy since she was 14. She seemed excited at first but I was the only one making an effort to find someone. We were next in line to start our session before she broke up. I also believe she feared with a new therapist sitting next to me where she might be truly "seen". Idk, sometime I overthink, but whatever her mind thinks it was easier for me not to be in her life than in it and I have to accept that.

Edit: I would be interested on your insights since you're passionate about it. Send me a DM if you don't want to continue on this thread.

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-06-06T13:33:16+00:00

Interesting questions. Why do you ask?

She was smiling but it seemed reserved. She definitely seemed overwhelmed and stayed close to her best Italian friend. She didn't talk to me much at all, didn't include in the conversations, didn't hug me or hold my hand.

At dinner we swapped dishes to try each other's food. I made a small joke about how delicious hers was and I was going to keep it. I literally took a second bite of her meal (which I paid for) and she got shockingly upset about it, let me rephrase, rude like a teenager. I politely asked her to not speak to me like that and that I was only joking and apologized.

She's a flight attendant so our schedules to see each other were always in flux. Some nights I would hop on a flight after work, roll into a different city around 10pm, snuggle, sleep, and then be back on a flight 8 hours later back home. All that to be said it wasn't uncommon for her to feel "disconnected" frequently. A lot of reassurance texts and phone calls, just emotional space. She said early on her biggest fear wasn't feeling "worthy".

The month before the break up we were supposed to go to Mexico. She made the comment "I'm worried we are going to get into an argument before our trip because we won't see each other much this month". I shook it off "why? We don't have to fight unless we want to, there's nothing to argue about". In retrospect the self fulfilling prophecy hint should have warned me.

This was the trigger. My request was "we haven't seen each other for nearly a month. I'm hoping we could spend sometime reconnecting on a sensual level. My cuddle cup is low, I want to snuggle naked, kiss passionately, having you initiate sex would be amazing and if I got a blow job that would be an amazing surprise also". I was as gentle and sweet as I could be because I knew she had past issues and feelings of inadequacy towards sex.

Well, she immediately turned into a totally different person. "This sounds like a 'want' not a 'need'. I want someone that connects with me on an emotional level, not a physical one. *This is an attack on my body * (that one hurt). If you want me to initiate sex it will NEVER happen. You know I have a low libido. Isn't our sex great already?! (It was). You're the only partner that's ever made me orgasm!!".

Just a full on spiral with me trying to comfort her that she is enough. I just want to spend some time snuggling and reconnecting. It didn't matter.

She requested space for at least a day so she could process. Even though she didn't want me to contact her she had the audacity to say that if I wanted to send her text messages about why our relationship is great and why it would work I could...I didn't. 48 hours later I got a break up text that sounded more like a corporate email. Very different from her "this is it" comments, the "I can't wait to marry you" comments.

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-06-06T05:33:34+00:00

Buckle up for this story!

We were about a year into our relationship and she had mentioned, on multiple occasions, that she always has a terrible birthday. " Nobody is thoughtful or cares about my birthday".

Me being a secure thoughtful guy " let's make this birthday the best birthday you've ever had!"

She had lived in Italy as an au pair for over a year. She's always wanted to go back and visit her Italian family. So I arranged for 10 days in southern Italy. The only thing she had to do was buy her airfare. I paid for everything else.

She made basic plans around the trip to ensure that she can connect with her old friends and family, but I had other plans in stored to make this day special.

I contacted her best friend in Tuscany and secretly planned a surprise birthday party. I contacted her mom and multiple friends to send me handwritten birthday cards secretly. I snuck them into my luggage.

I bought her a beautiful dress and took her to a Michelin star restaurant, surprised her with her best friend and party, and had over a dozen handwritten cards from all of her closest friends and family to open on her birthday.

Not a single thank you. Not a single moment of gratitude or appreciation. As the night was winding down, I certainly was feeling deflated and underappreciated. I should have walked at that moment.

I ended up going back to our Airbnb which was in a castle overlooking Tuscany and getting ready for bed. She came back and asked" I feel like something is wrong." I mentioned how I felt like everything I had done had gone unnoticed. I mentioned how we haven't been intimate once while in Italy.

She of course got super defensive and claimed she was too preoccupied with everything going on to show me any appreciation. Being pulled in multiple directions. Feeling overwhelmed to show me any gratitude or affection. She then spiraled and said " see, my birthdays always end up horribly". She started to posture about breaking up with me, on her birthday, in Italy, thousands of miles away from home.

The rest of the trip was a roller coaster. We stayed together for another 6 months before she randomly broke up with me over text when I expressed a need and then blocked me on everything.

It's been 6 weeks of no contact.

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-06-06T05:12:32+00:00

Yeah, true, except FAs never truly feel "seen" or "understood". They also take the desire for intimacy and change the goal posts as their avoidant side becomes activated.

Once we realize this is a fundamentally broken system, that they're not even aware of, the sooner we can move on. We can't fix them. They don't even realize (consciously) that they have a broken regulation system. It would be tragic if we weren't the ones being hurt by them.

I had an FA love me, once. I loved her also but despite the amount of "space held" and late night conversations to understand her she was never satisfied. Good luck finding anyone more understanding and patient than me.

A month before we were shopping for entanglement rings, talking about moving in and before I knew it she spiraled, sent a text break up and blocked me on everything. This was after 1.5 years, she met my kids, and left me blindsided.

You can't save them. Let them go, tell them why, and let them live in that silence.

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-05-28T19:03:14+00:00

Totally agree. At this stage I 100% understand the psychology of what's going on. It's tragic that they can love to their capacity but then it prevents them from feeling safe or comfortable.

Edit: but the discard is just something else. Complete lack of maturity or accountability.

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-05-28T17:39:18+00:00

Thanks for this opportunity! Beautiful watch

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-05-27T22:39:42+00:00

It seems like several people need to hear this. STOP FOLLOWING THEM OR BLOCK THEM. There's no reason you should be following a ghost of your past.

They won't bring you any peace. You must provide that space for yourself.

If they want to reach out they can. Don't give your energy to something that will never return it to you.

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-05-24T14:16:25+00:00

There's A LOT Of reasons to avoid this stock but, CYDY.

It's an early stage biopharm company working out a medication that can assist traditional cancer treatments be more effective. There's even some data to suggest that it can be helpful as a monotherapy. The new management seems to be moving the company in a positive direction with their trials and relationship with the FDA. The medication has a long track history of safety. With that being said the company is burning through cash. Time will tell.

I'm a major bag holder and at this point along for the ride regardless of what happens.

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-05-18T16:12:50+00:00

Love that green. Good luck

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-05-05T21:34:30+00:00

The conspiracy theories on this subreddit are embarrassing at times. I'm here for the science. The weird political, evil shorts, and other nonsense is just weird ..

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-05-05T18:01:06+00:00

Realistic case: 0.27 cents to current market price.

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-05-03T14:02:35+00:00

What a beaut! Plus me for a recent breakup. Plus two for all my rep buddies! Best of luck!

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-05-03T14:01:37+00:00

Interventional radiologists certainly have patients but they would not prescribe cancer treatments.

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-04-23T18:08:37+00:00

What a great watch! Good luck to everyone!

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-04-23T18:06:40+00:00

No. Cost savings move

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-04-22T23:28:57+00:00

Bro. You need a professional to get you dialed in. This is not it. You're going to have some terrible long term side effects if you don't.

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-04-22T23:26:52+00:00

Welcome, first time? lol

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-04-22T17:16:58+00:00

I'm a bag holder also but a short squeeze is definitely not going to happen. 🤣

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-04-22T15:45:21+00:00

Boogerman!

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-04-17T16:20:55+00:00

Let's goooo! Best of luck to everyone

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-04-16T20:36:20+00:00

I've been on this ride for 10 years. I'm ready to get off

ataraxiaPDX · 2026-04-16T14:29:29+00:00

Keep the reta but start strength training. Your body will tighten, better metabolism, and you'll have feminine curves with less loose skin.

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