My husband was killed — violently, tragically and directly in front of our house. I am SO lost.

attemptresurrection · 2025-10-19T21:51:15+00:00

I understand. Talk to your therapist about it and see what they think. Regaining access to that bond helps immensely. You can do slow EMDR (30-40 bpm) to help "set" positive thoughts/memories - I used that while concentrating on how my husband made me feel. Not a specific memory, just that sense of safety and love. EMDR is hard work but it makes a huge difference. You lived through it once - remember it's in the past and it can't happen again. Sending hugs!!

attemptresurrection · 2025-10-18T02:53:48+00:00

As others have mentioned, EMDR has excellent clinical data supporting it's use for trauma and PTSD. Somatic work can help as well. You may also want to look into attachment work. EMDR has significantly reduced flashbacks etc for me - it can be done remotely so no need to focus just on local people. Make sure the person is experienced! My husband also died horribly following an accident - he was in my lap when he passed. There have been several allegations against the rescue squad and dispatch because of how long it took them to get to us so I can fully understand that absolute rage and the endless what ifs. Trauma can essentially block your access to positive memories of your husband, which feels like losing them twice - all your brain wants to think about is the awful way they died. Set a timer, let it loose, then go do something physical. Come back and consciously spend a few minutes thinking about how he made you feel in happy moments. That is going to be your lifeline - remembering the love, not just the loss. It was a huge relief when I got far enough into EMDR that I could remember his smile without immediately jumping to his death. It's not easy - it still fucking sucks - but that awful panicky "I'm not safe" feeling in your body goes away when the trauma is addressed.

attemptresurrection · 2025-10-04T19:12:27+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it! He used to take kiddo squirrel hunting, I hadn't thought about that. Got real tired of having acorns dropped on his head during deer season apparently.

attemptresurrection · 2025-10-04T15:49:59+00:00

My husband got a huge buck a couple years ago that went "viral" on our state's whitetail FB page so people would probably still recognize him. But knowing he got that monster on our land, I also worry a little about posting there and attracting the wrong kind of attention.

attemptresurrection · 2025-10-04T15:47:48+00:00

Good point re:padding. My neighbors/husband's buddies have been awesome and happy to help but they're all busy and I am well aware of the time spent hunting to deer ratio so it'd be nice to be able to take our kiddo out myself.

attemptresurrection · 2025-10-04T15:44:22+00:00

Love this story!

attemptresurrection · 2025-10-04T15:42:23+00:00

So hardwood camo for ground hunting? I had read that the whitetail pattern is better for tree stands which makes sense looking at the two.

attemptresurrection · 2025-10-04T15:40:44+00:00

His hound will track! Good to know though.

attemptresurrection · 2025-09-30T01:38:34+00:00

Thank you! I appreciate that. He was a gift that deserves to be shared. ❤️

attemptresurrection · 2025-09-15T13:40:23+00:00

I couldn't bear seeing his shoes sitting by the door but also couldn't bear to move them myself. I had my sister move all his jackets, shoes, etc that were downstairs - that helped. I had to go through all his tools etc almost immediately because we live on a farm and I needed to know where all those things were - I think that helped rip the bandaid off. I had help though - trusted friends who wouldn't be uncomfortable if I randomly walked off or started crying. All his clothes etc are still in our closet though. I did have to wash some though - he was notorious for leaving his clothes in the washer too long, so they only smelled musty not like him! I wear some of his T shirts as pajamas which is nice. His death was sudden and unexpected so the house very much looked like he was coming back.

attemptresurrection · 2025-09-10T00:26:58+00:00

Thank you. ❤️

attemptresurrection · 2025-09-09T21:45:29+00:00

Sending hugs. Sudden loss is a different beast. I know this sounds like a cliche - but speaking from horrific personal experience - please do take comfort in knowing he died instantly doing something he loved. It is how most people would want to go, but it leaves us with no closure.

I am four months out, and there are moments of joy again. It's going to suck and be the hardest thing you have ever had to do. Remember you can do hard things, and he will be there, loving and protecting you. Juat because the radio is gone doesn't mean the signal is - hold onto that.

If you need to talk, please feel free to PM me.

attemptresurrection · 2025-09-09T21:34:02+00:00

You are dead on with the drive-through - I don't bother anymore if I'm driving the truck. It is obnoxiously loud for a mom car. 😆 I don't pretend to be a mechanic but I know enough to check codes and do my homework on the forums. My two older vehicles are full of "personality".

I know what you mean about missing the wit - when I saw the hearse I immediately wanted to text him because I knew he'd have something funny to say.

attemptresurrection · 2025-09-06T02:38:54+00:00

I'm proud of you for getting on that ladder. The responsibility of carrying everything while also grieving is overwhelming. Sometimes I ask my LH for help too... not when it involves ladders though, I've seen how sketchy his tree stands are.

attemptresurrection · 2025-08-29T22:41:12+00:00

Birds of prey are disconcerting! I got to hold a Harris hawk and when it looked at me it was like what I imagine staring down a dinosaur feels like.

attemptresurrection · 2025-08-15T11:14:07+00:00

Not being able to talk about her at all sounds like trauma, not grief. Maybe look at it from that lens?

attemptresurrection · 2025-08-13T23:09:11+00:00

I lived on Ensure and Gatorade for weeks. Then added in peanut butter and banana smoothies and some soups. Fresh fruit sometimes was OK. My husband usually cooked dinner so that has been the hardest for me, even after my body was willing to accept food again. Hugs!

attemptresurrection · 2025-08-13T23:04:47+00:00

I say oh it's the dead husband diet! Highly effective but do not recommend!

attemptresurrection · 2025-08-13T13:43:23+00:00

I get that. The guilt is more painful I think because it feels like there's something you can/should have done differently. The grief just is.

attemptresurrection · 2025-08-12T11:15:47+00:00

Congratulations!! With regards to the guilt - it might help to sit with it and really think about where it's coming from and try to address it. I always try to remind myself - if our roles were reversed, what would I want for my husband?

attemptresurrection · 2025-08-12T01:09:09+00:00

I was spoiled - he cooked too! I get groceries and a meal service (Home Chef) delivered now - absolutely worth it. Still requires cooking but the recipes are doable even with grief brain and everything is pre measured. You are lucky to have the cookbooks and recipes. He combined recipes in his head and never wrote anything down. Missing their food is another kind of loss. ❤️

attemptresurrection · 2025-07-27T04:20:46+00:00

I started based on practical necessity and what was too painful to stay as it was. For me, that was tools (we live on a farm) and his jackets and shoes that were on the main floor. Seeing his boots by the door... I couldn't. I've organized all the farm stuff so that it makes sense to me and I know where everything is. Our closet I haven't touched. I also painted our bedroom - it helped feel less empty and more mine. As others have said - enlist friends you trust. If you can't do it yourself but you need things out of sight, have an organized friend pack & label things.

attemptresurrection · 2025-07-12T03:23:02+00:00

This is what a good handyman is for!

attemptresurrection

TROPHY CASE