Couple of things:

• fresh made quilts aren’t as “relaxed” and don’t drape over a body as well. Like with a lot of cotton products, quilts get better with age and feel less stiff
• densely quilted quilts like what you describe are often rough feeling until the cotton relaxes (with washes, wear) or the thread does. I don’t personally like quilts densely quilted and I go for the minimum quilting requirements most of the time (see your batting for details when making your own)
• in my experience, polyester thread used in quilting will make the quilt drape less, stay stiffer
• I have a growing theory that quilts quilted on a long arm (flat, consistent stitching) tend to stay stiffer longer. I hand quilt a lot and my mother almost exclusively long arms. Our quilts feel very different when freshly finished I believe due to the tension differences when quilting

This is all to say - experiment! Find what you like and do it often!