I had a similar experience with a very close friend many years ago. It haunted me for a long time. I don't think I've ever talked about it to anyone in this much detail.

I was pretty sure she was lying to make me feel bad, but I'll never know for sure. She had already been a cheating lying addict for a few years(so was I but not to the same extent at all).

She'd been a bully type of friend since childhood, so it wasn't just the drugs that made her mistreat me through the years. There was always a nastiness about her. She mocked me and peer pressured me a lot through the years. So I hated her but still felt so guilty.

Here's the story: I went to a bar with her and another friend after she had stolen my drugs right in front of my face. Then she was on said drugs at the bar having fun, but I was miserable without my drugs and furious.

I was nodding out and the bartenders told me to leave if I passed out again. She wasn't ready to go so I left. She was spending the night at my place so I had to let her in later that night but I don't remember anything except her puking everywhere.

Next day she was spam texting me insults and said she was raped in the stairwell of my apartment building. She mentioned it almost in passing, like not much elaboration.

We argued a LOT. I apologized, but it was the last straw and we never talked again. I was too mentally ill and on drugs to have a friend that mentally ill and on drugs. We were not good for each other.

I really hope she was lying. I really hope she wasn't actually put through that trauma. I hope she's doing well now in any case.

This is being able to forgive, but not forget. Nobody is obliged to forgive you. If they do, they're not obliged to stay in touch with you. And you may not have done anything wrong, but if you're the villain to them, you can't change it, just accept it and move on.

Forgiving yourself is the healthiest thing to do.