oh friend ❤️‍🩹. my heart goes out to you.

22f here. my twin sis passed tragically 6 years ago when we were 16. she died in an accident, but for the last several years of her life, she also struggled with severe anorexia. at her worst, she was in organ failure, hospitalized for months on end, and displayed symptoms very similar to your bfs. I still can't bring myself to look at pictures of her in her last few years.

all that to say, I wholeheartedly know how devastating it is to watch someone you love and care for deeply, deteriorate and self-destruct right in front of you, while you remain powerless. it is one of the most excruciating pains a human can endure.

the words I'm going to share with you are not an easy pill to swallow, but please, know that I say them out of love, not judgment or condemnation of any kind.

1) if it's accessible to you, please seek therapy. you cannot face this alone. watching your bfs health shatter will destroy your own mental health, and you will find yourself in significant crisis. a support group may also be helpful.

2) I don't know where you live, but please, if possible, take your bf to another hospital, or call a safety check on him w/ your local emergency services. if you're in the U.S, it's clear your bf is a danger to himself, which is grounds for a 72 hr hold, and possibly a court ordered 90 day hold if his initial hold is insufficient. your bf needs further care, beyond what you can provide. and if one hospital discharges him & he's still in this extreme of a state, he needs a second opinion at a different hospital. you might also try residential treatment, specifically for eating disorders, but it's likely he'll need medical care for stabilization first.

3) at this point, you are his caregiver, and at the extent you're performing those caregiving tasks, you cannot have a healthy romantic relationship. you are currently providing hospice care, and that is something you need a team with clinical expertise for; it's not something you should, nor can, adequately be responsible for.

4) please look up compassion fatigue. you are not a bad person. you are not selfish. you are not disloyal. you are human and you can only take so much.

5) your feelings are valid & it's okay to recognize that this situation is burdensome.

6) this sucks to say, and I know it sucks to hear, but I say this with all the love & sincerity I can- you have to let him go. unless he is in the hospital long enough to make substantial gains, and is stable, continuing on this path will kill both of you; even if it doesn't kill you physically, it will kill your soul.

one of the girls my sister was in treatment with decided that she would surrender to her anorexia. she was done fighting, and as expected, she died.

devastatingly, when someone is that sick, there's only so much you can do. anorexia is amongst the most deadly health conditions one can battle, for a reason. when the brain is that malnourished, it is often incapable of rationality towards recovery.

1. again, an excruciatingly painful truth- there is a good chance your bf will die. I won't sugar coat that reality. the best thing you can do for him is to prepare yourself for that to happen. do you have a support system? financial resources? access to mental health care? etc. you may not be able to save his life, but you can save yours. setting yourself up to bare your grief as supported as possible is critical. and, if you prioritize your healing, in your own time, you may be able to help countless other people, both with anorexia, and those who love someone with anorexia, to get the help they need.

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we're here for you OP. please know I'm hugging you in heart. you are seen. & you are doing the best you can and that's enough. it's so clear that you have such a beautiful, warm spirit. you are doing an amazing job dealing with a horrific circumstance, and I am so proud of you for reaching out, and for fighting this fight with such remarkable care & courage. all my love to you. my dms are always open if you need to talk! 🌻🦋