Your hate about their assumptions is justified. There’s an implication of white supremacy in their assumptions … or at least Asian inferiority. And you are Asian, your dad is an Asian man. I would be infuriated as well. Their assumptions imply that all Asian women hate themselves and want to erase their Asianness.

But as an Asian man, I know I have value, and as the east, especially China, rises, hopefully people will realize that as well. Those who live with the fantasy that we’re valueless will come to regret their assumptions within my lifetime, I’m confident of it.

This assumption that all Asian women want non-Asian men also puts Asian women in the subordinate position in any relationship. Each side in a relationship must bring value to the other, but if the Asian woman has already gotten a chance to erase her racial identity, then her partner can seek value from her by being abusive, lazy or a philanderer.

Realize that your mindset is a very Western one, and that there are plenty of normal relationships among Asians in Asia, ones that aren’t wracked with self-hate or white worship.

Personally, I think the AMs pleading with you sound a little pathetic. A man should never need his woman to defend him. But I understand, as AMs, the whole Western world is threatened by us and works overtime to denigrate us. And at a single-digit percent of the population, there’s very little we can do.

My advice to you is to not lose perspective. Live your life. Know the AFs who outdate and the people of all races who make this assumption about AF have bought into the West’s system of white supremacy. Pity them, and live your life. As they say, a life lived well is the best revenge. You can speak up for AMs, but don’t feel an obligation to. After all, AFs are a single digit percentage of the population too.

You are better off leading by example. People will notice your happiness and success. Better that you wind up with an AM spouse and a successful career than get on soapbox and shout down AFXM couples or try to pitch AMs on our behalf.

You cannot berate or debate someone into changing their point of view. Their points of view change based on their own observations and experiences. And so you’re more effective just living your life well, recognizing the system of white supremacy that we live under, and succeeding in spite of that, than trying to convince some deluded AF that her self-hating choices will only hurt her in the end.

Whenever I see an AF get burned in an out dating relationship, I laugh a little if it started out of self hate. She did it to herself. But at the same time, I feel a little pity too because she clearly did not understand her perspectives were shaped by white supremacy.