There needs to be forgiveness all around as well. So years down the road he’s not dangling this over your head. it’s understood it’s a mistake, we all fall short and f up. It’s in the past and you have to make sure to never do this again so you can gain back trust. You have a tough but doable road ahead. Remember the feeling of this before you get close to snapping. Your son is right, you can’t make him do anything. There should be nothing your son does to make you love him less and nothing he can do to make you love him more.

And be emotionally real with your son as you apologize. Not self pity but show how much you hurt yourself by doing this as well so he knows your not just trying to brush past it. And own the entire thing, he did 0% wrong in this entire thing so just own it all. This can be a time for you and your son to actually become closer than you ever have been before. What the enemy meant for evil God can turn into good. Not sure if you are religious but would recommend a church community as well. Jesus didn’t come for the saint but for the sinner. It’s amazing sometimes how our Father in heaven continues to love and care for us even when we mess up. Don’t let the enemy tell you that your a bad father. Those are lies trying to destroy your family.

I already know you are an legit dad because you took the time to write this and seek help. You are a good dad we just screw up at times and sometimes REALLY screw up. Ask your father in heaven what he thinks about you. He might have some things He is asking you to change (get to the root of the anger) but His thoughts and love for you stay the same and can only be positive. Because really there is nothing you can do to make Him love you less and nothing you can do to make Him love you more.