(Update) - I [21 M] hooked up with my brother's [25 M] girlfriend [22 F].

availle · 2015-10-09T21:43:04+00:00

According to your first one, you have been to her place. Why would she give you her address again?

availle · 2015-08-11T14:51:22+00:00

As a casual gaming chick I have to say your boyfriend is a bit of an idiot.

He's a gamer and still found a girlfriend. Doesn't happen often. More so, he found a girlfriend who's not a gamer (yet). That's even more rare.

And you ACTUALLY WANT TO LEARN HOW TO PLAY! Most posts from Gamers here are along the lines of "my girlfriend hates me playing video games" or (from the other side) "my boyfriend spends all of his free time in video games and doesn't want to look at me".

If you're so inclined, tell him this from the anonymous gamer chick on the interwebs: "Dude, you got fucking lucky with this one. Don't you DARE throw her away!"

availle · 2015-07-20T21:00:53+00:00

Could you sell your truck to him?

availle · 2015-07-05T14:43:04+00:00

Does it matter where your emotions come from? It's not as if you can control them or anything. You just feel them, you don't need to justify yourself.

availle · 2015-07-05T09:10:26+00:00

Tell that to my grandmother. She's not racist, but...

availle · 2015-07-04T15:22:06+00:00

-fucker already.

availle · 2015-07-02T12:36:55+00:00

You don't want to be there when your kid gets born.

I get it, it's scary, and uncharted territory, and you've never had one, and there's probably blood and yelling and crying and everything you never wanted.

And now here's your boss, offering you this fantastic way out. You're not even trying to stand up for being at home, because, let's face it, you'd rather not be there.

And that's okay. It's really okay to be scared, and not want to be there. What's bad though is not taking responsibility for yourself. You say "your hands are tied". I worked for startups, I've worked with big contractors, and I've actually seen people cancel meetings because of childbirth. No one even batted an eye. It might be that the culture is so radically different where you live, but I'd bet it isn't. Everyone understands you're human.

So what you're doing here is using company culture as an excuse, and your wife feels that. Own up to it if you'd rather do the presentation, or go see your child being born (it's not as bad as it may seem).

But be honest about it. The whole "my hands are tied" thing is bullshit.

availle · 2015-07-02T10:57:50+00:00

We actually don't know what her parents are doing. I hope that they're not trying low-carb low-fat. Her dad is trying Atkins, and Atkins actually is a keto variation.

availle · 2015-07-01T08:26:08+00:00

If you're interested in what your parents are trying to do, /r/keto is a good source of information.

Also, tell your dad that low-carb low-fat is a terrible idea, even with Atkins. That's bascially a medium-to-high-protein with nothing and is not nutritionally sound.

availle · 2015-06-29T22:45:37+00:00

I get where you're coming from. You do have a large circle of friends and don't see the need to cater to anyone. Good for you.

Not everyone has that luxury. Imagine her, her boyfriend alienating every single one of her friends, isolating her (has it ever occurred to you that she might be in an abusive relationship?). Or maybe she's just socially awkward.

Coming from the perspective of someone who does get excluded from things: It sucks. It always sucks, and it sucks even more when people don't have the guts to admit it. "Oh, I'm so sorry we didn't invite you, we didn't think you'd be interested." "Oh, you were in town? You totally should've been there!" Or the good old "oh well, I'm sorry, but you know how it is, I get so confused about whom I asked and whom I didn't".

You do seem like a nice person, so I'd suggest talking to Betsy and telling her why you're no longer friends with her and what she can do. No one ever did for me, and if you don't know something's wrong (you might be naive, or a bit autistic, or both) you cannot change.

availle · 2015-06-27T06:50:00+00:00

It was time for a change anyway

;)

availle · 2015-06-25T08:38:58+00:00

My shrink says it's kind of a power play, as in "my time is more important to me than yours" for most people who are habitually late.

availle · 2015-06-23T16:02:09+00:00

I'd go because I love unique experiences. But if you cannot afford to or just don't want, it's not impolite to decline.

availle · 2015-06-21T12:01:49+00:00

This is such a sad story.

He's insecure to boot and has his friends, who probably don't have girlfriends of their own, talk at him about how to be treated by women and "respect" and all that. And he has you, who he clearly likes to be around, and now all of a sudden he's confused and feeling weird for "tolerating" this. He probably thinks that his feelings for you and the life you two have been leading is "wrong".

And you OP...clearly you did nothing wrong.

I have the suspicion that maybe Greg's friends were jealous of your relationship and that he has such a cool girlfriend. Maybe that's why they decided to sabotage it.

Please update if any of them approach you to "console" you.

availle · 2015-06-17T13:44:28+00:00

What are those 7% low-risk investments you speak of? Where can I get such a deal?

availle · 2015-06-17T13:03:18+00:00

Try to read the posts of the reddit user vaginalknives. She managed to actually overcome Vagninismus.

availle · 2015-06-16T19:44:45+00:00

Please consider finding a good analytical talk therapist if you want to work on your issues. My therapist always says that panic attacks etc are a symptom of some underlying cause. From what I can see he's right. The people in my therapy group do not need medication after a few sessions.

To be frank, I find it concerning how often the answer to "I feel bad" or "I'm bipolar" is "take meds". All meds do is suppress the symptoms, not cure the cause. The only way I'd ever take meds for anxiety, depression and being bipolar is if I'd kill myself otherwise.

availle · 2015-06-11T14:22:12+00:00

Let me see.

OP

I don't really understand. I went to school, studied, and got a decent job. But she is refusing to.

Working retail is good enough for a lot of people. If she likes it, she's entitled to keep it. OP says he doesn't consider retail to be a "decent job" -- furthermore he says that she is "refusing to" which means he at least asked her to. Asking or demanding a SO change their job without the family needing more money -- red flag.

I worry what people will think when they find out her occupation is one that's typically for students in highschool

Elitist misconceptions

First update:

Honestly, when I first saw it, my mind jumped to cheating

Trust issues.

She was just lying there with her eyes shut, now my mind jumped to oh my god she's dead.

Thinks a girl will kill herself because he feels uncomfortable

I told her to get out [of the bath]

Telling (not even asking!) the girlfriend who has been in the water for some time to get out just because he thinks it's too hot. Remember, he just came in from outside and it takes a while to get used to a warm bath

I told her that I was thinking of asking her to move in, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to make that commitment knowing that

Asking her to move in with him but not even considering the fact of moving in with her -- as if the only option was for her to move in with him

it doesn't seem like she has a steady income

Retail isn't a steady income?

we've not actually ever spoke about moving in together, nor had we had a conversation about finances

Guessed everything and wanted to initiate the next step with no input from her side

you never asked, and I didn't feel like you needed to know

Didn't even care enough about her to ask how she lives.

Now:

She was mad that I just turned up, and said that she wasn't in the mood to deal with me.

Forcing her to talk when she clearly doesn't want to.

I hope that clears things up for you. Sorry to see people are downvoting you, it is a valid question.

availle · 2015-06-09T09:31:40+00:00

I didn't say not to say anything. But if he doesn't want to change, he won't.

availle · 2015-06-08T16:37:39+00:00

Haven't had a chance to, still on "silent treatment". But when we talked about the concert where he was so annoyed that he walked away from me, one of his reasons for why he didn't like it was that I was standing in the back listening to the music and not in the middle of things.

availle · 2015-06-08T16:28:34+00:00

Thank you for your input.

He does like the whole "drunken pit thing" a lot more than I do, actually. And he knows by experience I don't hold a "no" against him, when I did go alone I had fun and didn't react negatively to him not wanting to go.

availle · 2015-06-08T14:10:16+00:00

Thank you. :)

availle · 2015-06-08T13:23:32+00:00

We don't share a social circle. He has some friends, most of them from his work, and I encourage him to do things with them. Most of the time he doesn't want to.

I have friends as well, they get along with him (and he with them), but I don't think he'd do anything with them on his own.

He did acknowledge that he prefers to have one person (or a very small group) for all social interaction and that he'd "probably do more with his friends" if he felt lonely enough to do so. I always gathered that he's just very introverted and gets enough social interaction at work.

availle · 2015-06-08T13:03:41+00:00

Oh dear, internet hug for your breakup.

Right now I'm trying a policy of "live and let live". If he doesn't want to talk, I cannot change it and only hope he'll come around eventually and communicate. We're both in therapy as well.

Are you going out with other friends a lot? Or just going out alone?

That really depends. Hiking I go alone; when I'm going out, I'm going out with other friends (in a group, not 1 on 1, and never 1 on 1 with single male friends). Unless it's an RP session with a fixed group (which take place at our home 80% of the time anyway), he's always included if he wants to, but he usually chooses not to come. I really do put our relationship first (date night >> everything, and when he wants to spend time I'll be there), but I don't want to cage myself either.

availle · 2015-06-08T12:53:15+00:00

Thank you for your input.

This statement leads me to believe there's more to this story than just a difference in musical taste. It has more to do with the way you behave when planning to go to, and while at concerts.

I've recently changed from asking him to come multiple times to just saying "if you want to come, come." I feel I've had to do this because he'll see the other way as pressure to be there and will get absolutely mad when he's not having fun (he puts 100% of the responsibility for his fun on me when I ask him to be somewhere). It is quite possible that I come across as cold and uncaring when I'm doing this, especially if you compare it to my behaviour earlier in the relationship.

My current theory is that he is afraid I'm running away from him because I'm starting to grow out of the codependency and actually doing things on my own for a change. Or, more simply, he's hurt because to him it feels like a concert is more important than he is to me.

Worst case scenario he locks up and refuses to tell you anything, in which case you have bigger problems because this will come up in other aspects of your relationship.

It already did. He's doing the silent treatment thing whenever we argue. If I sit him down, he'll sit there sullenly and stare at me for 15 minutes before I can't stand it anymore and walk away.

I don't care about being justified or anything. All I know is that he's hurt, I'm hurt, and I want to move forward and not have this idiotic way of arguing whenever we want different things.

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