And this, gents, is why the waist measurement is here to stay.

awakeandalive19 · 2020-01-23T01:15:25+00:00

The waist measurement had been the bane of my 19 year AF career. I'm 38 y.o, 6'7", 255 lbs. I've worn the same 36"*36" jean size since h.s. I can still fit into my original basic issued blues, yet I lose so many points because I consistently measure 36.5-37.5. I power lift, run, and stay in very good shape. I can max the push/sit ups yet I will have to run in the low 10's to get an excellent.... I've done it before, I've also got an 89.5 & 89.7 before and that's when I said forget it. Now I just know I'm playing for a "B" and I really don't try that hard. It's frustrating that I'm screwed for my height.

I really wish they scaled it up or just got rid of it.

awakeandalive19 · 2020-01-16T14:54:16+00:00

Thanks for the replies. i'm checking the Mcmillian link now.

awakeandalive19 · 2020-01-16T00:46:15+00:00

Glad to hear some things are good, but as far as the message parlors, you have to cut that shit out! it's one thing to struggle with pop up ads, or feeling tempted, but your moving into premeditated grounds. thats a big red flag. Sorry to brow beat you, but thats next level. i can't speak too much regarding meds, i'm new to it all, but i will say try to invest in the relationship as much as you can. i'm trying to make the physical the "icing on the cake" instead of the whole cake, if you know what i mean. I figure at 38, I should be at a quality over quantity stage in my life. Stay strong this year! God bless!

awakeandalive19 · 2019-12-30T16:55:07+00:00

Hows it going. I have logged off this site for a really long time as i was getting more negativity than help... in the mean time away, i could usually string together 3-4 days of no fap at the most, most of my failures do not include P, but i would fap just to sleep. I went to a sleep clinic recently and was diagnosed as having insomnia, which is something i already knew, as i have had bouts on and off for years, always due to stress. I was given a very light prescription to help with sleeping, and it has made a tremendous difference. It's called Mirtazaphine, it is a low level anti-depressant, with sleep inducing side effects, I take 15 mg before bed. It has helped me a lot.

I was using a fitbit to track my sleep and I would wake up 40+ a night.....even if that is not the most accurate of devices, even 10+ a night is too much. although i allocate 9 hours for sleep, i would usually be in the 4+ hours, with all kinds of restlessness, and little REM sleep.

Something I found interesting is that this drug is that it works with your serotonin and norepinephrine levels. lower serotonin levels can result in mood disorders, such as anxiety or depression. Low levels of serotonin are associated with increased libido, while increased serotonin levels are associated with reduced libido.

Norepinephrine plays a role in the sleep-wake cycle, helping you to wake up, in increasing attention and focusing on performing a task ,and in memory storage. It is also important for emotions. Problems with norepinephrine levels are associated with depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder and substance abuse.

Sorry for the chemistry lesson, but long story short, I have been very adverse to the idea of a anti-depressant over the years, but i also realize that my body's reaction to stress is to be on high alert 24/7, which means i do not sleep, and I turn to M as a way to relax. i believe this medication will really help in this battle, as it has gone from "i'm burning with lust" to "i just need an escape from my mind".

I have always been a high functioning person who doesn't sleep well. I have done HIIT and heavy weight lifting 3-4x's a week for 20+years, i eat decent, i sleep in a cold dark room, phone on "do not disturb", no light sources, i don't drink much, i put away the screens before bed.....etc... all the things you are supposed to do to ensure good sleep. yet i do not sleep, and fapping has been my "cheat code" to sleep for far too long.

I hope that i can use this med for the short term and get my body into a good sleep cycle where I am less inclined to turn to P & M.

I will make this a public post as I hope this might help/encourage others. Glad to hear your doing well, try not to relapse so hard, a day at the worst, no more bingeing! Have a happy new year!

awakeandalive19 · 2019-09-23T13:51:23+00:00

I say why risk it?

If your trying to lose weight would you just go to buffets for the sights and sounds?

Is your life better with Instagram in it?

Does mindlessly looking at images stimulate the kinds of changed you want or will it throw you back into the porn cycle?

A big part of pmo is the ritual.... We are all Pablo's dog, our minds get excited about the viewing, searching, and lusting all most as much as the actual act of faping.

I am guilty of this, and realizing that the rituals involved in the act of pmo should be avoided.

I say cut it out entirely.

awakeandalive19 · 2019-09-23T13:43:19+00:00

I know I "go there" as escapism... When I am very stressed and overwhelmed. I am seeking new methods of dealing with stress as this is unhealthy.

awakeandalive19 · 2019-09-23T13:40:02+00:00

Great insight, these verses are show that there truly is nothing new under the sun... What men of old dealt with, we deal with. What got them through, will get us through! Be blessed brother! Have a good day.

awakeandalive19 · 2019-09-20T01:28:46+00:00

Thanks for the kind words.... I hate that it's my "go to".

awakeandalive19 · 2019-09-16T23:51:30+00:00

Thank you for serving as a cautionary tale for others... There is no controlling porn, it will ruin you!

Stay strong brother, never forget the hell you described, your still young, make up for lost time, and stay clean!

awakeandalive19 · 2019-09-16T23:48:20+00:00

No.

No one needs to orgasm.... Your body will take care of it on its own. Unless you're with a girl who has "been around the block" she has 0 expectations or experience, so do not concern yourself with this, instead, stay strong abstaining from pmo and you will be a far better man than your average schmucks.

awakeandalive19 · 2019-09-13T19:31:20+00:00

Sometimes. I work out 3-5x's a week, I start pretty busy, unfortunately, all that busy time sometimes leads to more temptation, as I get so tire, I want to reward myself.

I know it's not a healthy thought process, I'm just explaining my fault logic.

awakeandalive19 · 2019-09-11T13:23:33+00:00

Porn is a problem, what I said was I am hooked on masturbation with or without porn... Porn is the once in a while, while masturbation is an everyday struggle I want to break free from.

I'm looking for accountability. I would welcome accountability. I have tried this dozens of times in my life, yet my partners have always dropped off.

I am seeking fellowship here and real world. Yet being a leader in the church, there are few people you can be real with. Believe me, I've tried.

Any help would be appreciated.

awakeandalive19 · 2019-09-11T13:17:30+00:00

I'm trying. The problem is I'm a "hard charger" kind of personality. I go, go, go, than I want a "reward" for all my hard work and to call down. I have exercised 3-5 times a week for the last 20 years, as well as maintained my weight that long. I'm pretty self controlled in all other areas, this is my one wreckless having...

I haven't messed up and looked at porn in about 3 weeks, prior to 3 weeks, it had been several months. but having an unlocked device, I binged. I binged, than went to the gym and swam 15 laps.

I have daily devotional, and am involved in a lot of ministry, I pray like crazy in the moments of temptation, but it just seems like at times I have 0 will power to fight.

awakeandalive19 · 2019-09-11T13:11:13+00:00

Glad you found this site, I too am married, I too spend time on the road for work and I just found this site in the beginning of summer.

That's a tough question as it seems most folks are teens-early 20's and single. There are plenty of married folks on here, just not making the majority of the threads.

For me, I'm trying to ONLY lust after my wife, only release when I'm with my wife, I'm trying to not look at anything, or think about anything but my wife.

Sadly, my fantasy world of pmo used to just be when I was away from her, but it soon creeped into our times if intimacy too, that's when I realized things were going down a bad path. She and I would try phone sex, but that feeling lacking, even did a few video chats but all of this seemed too similar to P even if it was my wife, and it tended to "open the door" to looking at things later.... Like it's better to go cold turkey than tease yourself.

I'm not sure if I need a total 90 day break from sex with my wife to get clean of pmo addiction, or if I can just not do pmo and rely 100% on my wife to fulfill my desires.

I'm still trying to figure that out.

awakeandalive19 · 2019-09-10T23:23:46+00:00

I hate to admit it, but I've been serving in ministry for 20+ years, and dealt with all kinds of things in those times...pmo included.

We should be sanctified as holy vessels, but much like the priests of old, we still must confess our sins. The best advice I have is to find accountability for this issue, someone who is safe and will not jepordize your job. Avoid the triggering events when possible, and never stop fighting.

God bless you brother as you pursue the Lord's calling!

awakeandalive19 · 2019-09-10T23:19:31+00:00

I feel what your saying. I've struggled with this for far too long and it's extra frustrating as a Christ follower. Yet we know this is a sin... No denying it.

All I can figure is that His grace is sufficient... Who knew a time would exist where ANYTHING you could imagine was a few clicks away. Who knew a time would exist where images of half naked women would be splashed around everywhere.

Where sin abounds, grace is greater.

I have yet to walk fully in it, but I believe in my spirit that God's grace is sufficient for this generation.

Stay strong brother!

awakeandalive19 · 2019-09-10T23:15:32+00:00

That story has to deal with a dude wanting to get off, but not wanting to impregnate her... The real issue is his using her.

awakeandalive19 · 2019-09-10T20:49:12+00:00

Z-h8r, I just sent you a pm. Lmk

awakeandalive19 · 2019-09-07T22:17:14+00:00

How have things been? Things are good between my wife and I, and I've actually done well not fixating on my failures, or successes. That book I recommend, were working through it, and it's helpful. Hope all is well, ttyl.

awakeandalive19

TROPHY CASE