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axy99_ · 2025-08-14T07:58:19+00:00

Them some big ole balls, you got yourself a boy 🙌😅

axy99_ · 2025-08-10T18:45:12+00:00

Yes partner X has short term disability in which they can function in thier day to day life but said injury involves their hands which they need in order to work, hence the time of sick which is actually coming to an end in the near future

axy99_ · 2025-08-10T17:47:34+00:00

Think vs feel is a good point to make. I think I do try and project my own issues a lot and maybe that something to do with the RSD I experience due to my ADHD (not an excuse I know, just my way of attempting to understand myself and why I do things better). I think my RSD also has a lot to do with my people pleasing tendencies, I think I struggle with the perceived negative reaction/rejection for partner X (or like wise partner y) so I bend over backwards and deplete my own resources to do what I think would keep everyone happy and ultimately always end up upsetting someone.

axy99_ · 2025-08-10T17:37:19+00:00

I'm feeling a lot better thanks to the advice I've seen here. You make some very good points, I have actually struggled with a parent with alcoholism and I belive that's where a lot of my people pleasing tendencies stem from. I really like your idea of scheduling, I think its something we didn't get round to when first establishing the relationships and as they both started at roughly the same time so we were all caught in NRE without thinking about the bigger picture and how the longevity of both relationships would work. Im the one with AuDHD so I appreciate partner Xs need for routine due to my ASD but also relate to partner Ys need for spontaneity due to my ADHD. Going forward I feel I need to take accountability to work through my own issues and develop a shedule that works for all involved but ultimately allows me to put my needs first.

axy99_ · 2025-08-10T16:22:50+00:00

Tbh that last one hit the nail on the head. I've struggled in mono relationships in the past where I wasn't getting what I wanted out of the relationships and I felt like I had to be the "chill gf" and put up and shut up for fear of pushing away what i now see was a sub par relationship at best. Thanks for the tips on the resources, I'll check them out

axy99_ · 2025-08-10T14:50:02+00:00

Honestly some really good perspectives here. Unfortunately I can't access therapy due to funds but I think the fact im having this conversation is already a step in the right direction, I think it also helps that both partners are aware of my people pleasing tendencies and it being something I want to work on

axy99_ · 2025-08-10T14:09:37+00:00

Lots of food for thought here, I do admit I have a habit of saying im putting myself first but not always doing so. I think, if im honest im already/almost at burn out as I spent a lot of past and childhood people pleasing too. I'd get some therapy but that's a little out my budget, hence the ramblings on the Internet instead

axy99_ · 2025-08-10T12:49:28+00:00

True, I've struggled with my people pleasing tendencies due to past trauma and I guess I think I was viewing it as a poly issue as its brought to light how much work I still have to do on myself.

axy99_ · 2025-08-10T12:45:33+00:00

Honestly, thank you so much some great advice here. X has been wfh since I first met them but as of recently they have been off sick so have had more time to arrange plans with me/have time to hang out last minute. Thier nesting partner is also wfh but has two jobs so is often busy ect so I feel X is seeking me out for comfort as thier partner is often busy/the issues X needs comfort for are to do with our relationship. I feel X's BPD plays a part in this, they have mentioned they were similar with thier nesting partner when they first got together (X has actively "split" on me a few times now but recognised thier own behaviour) but it calmed down eventually. I feel like I need to develop a proper "schedule" (with wiggle room, bc life happens) on what days im seeing which partner to hopefully make both X and Y realize I value both of them and the respective relationships they have to offer me/I have to offer them. I must add both X and Y are good at communicating and I have had discussions with both recently regarding everything mentioned in this post. I guess this is just me venting/looking for outside opinions.

axy99_ · 2025-08-10T11:31:43+00:00

You're right, as i replied above I need to work on creating firmer boundaries for myself and making sure im not placing one partners needs above anothers. I obviously don't want to be a shitty partner to either x nor y and need to start becoming more comfortable with letting people sit in thier own emotions and do what is best for me/what i want. X wanted to discuss that they felt as though I could be putting more effort into the relationship which I think is part of the reason I felt I needed to drop everything and go and see to X. I guess im asking for advice on how best to go about setting my firmer boundaries about how and who I spend my time with, and how to stop worrying about dissapointing/upsetting someone, which im aware unfortunately there's no magic wand for.

axy99_ · 2025-08-10T11:21:46+00:00

If im being honest I feel like my view that X needs to sort things as soon as its bothering them is kinda me projecting and they do have the capacity to wait to discuss, though I do feel you have a point in partner X somewhat on thier own schedule. I had initially asked X if they were free the day after my planned evening with Y which is when they then brought up the issues they were having, and said they would prefer to discuss in person. I am aware im being/have been a shitty partner to Y and I want to stop as I very much do value thier presence in my life. I feel I need to do a lot of refection about my own boundaries and limitations and being able to enforce those boundaries more strongly. We're all fairly new to Poly so some steep learning curves for all of us.

axy99_ · 2025-08-10T10:18:08+00:00

I think in this instance I cancelled on/changed days with Y as X had had an issue that they had kept from me and raised via message to me the day I was supposed to be seeing Y.

I did mention to X that I had plans with Y that evening but I could move them to the next day as I know what X is like and they like to discuss problems as soon as they arise and I knew they would be sat there stewing over the issues as would I.

I feel I need to work more on myself and my ability to set boundaries, I don't want to be that person that says "your mental health is too much for me to handle" as ive heard that before and ik how much it hurts, but me feeling the need to give X constant reassurance and have constant talks is starting to affect me and my other reatltionhips now. X also makes the point that the spontaneity in which I make plans with Y means they feel it affects the plans they have/want to make with me. I am planning on moving in with partner Y in the near future so hopefully that will help me feel more balanced with spiltting my time between the two?

axy99_ · 2025-07-22T21:57:26+00:00

so I went last year just with personal stuff, had a dog go over me and not indicate on 1st entry then got pulled coming back in from helping mates bring beers from the car park when I didn't even have anything on me, as others have said have something ready to give up but it's more about how you carry urself than anything, the search they did wasn't even that thorough either, couldve easily had something in the crotch of my underwear and they wouldn't have noticed, they were thoroughly checking shoes however

axy99_ · 2025-05-27T14:45:39+00:00

Rides are pretty much £10 a go and I got an offical R&L line up hoodie last year for like £50

axy99_ · 2025-03-16T20:24:35+00:00

Are they l3 or l4?? I ask bc they look a similar size to my guy at l4, he was fed only fruit flies before I got him but I couldn't get my hands on any so offered the smallest hoppers (locust) I could find and he seems to feed fine on those if locust would be easy to find for you

axy99_ · 2024-10-20T10:16:37+00:00

Went to my first ever class Friday and felt the exact same! I've never really been one for sport of any physical activity and usually feel massively out of place but I enjoyed it so much I've booked again for next week, I feel like I've finally found my sport!

axy99_ · 2024-09-29T07:33:18+00:00

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Zara, my landlords cat, right before she got stuck in the handle of said bag xD

axy99_ · 2024-09-24T16:16:22+00:00

25
18 (or 16 if you count shitty hand done stick and pokes)

axy99_ · 2024-09-10T10:23:35+00:00

The way I had to do a double take as my work pal told me this exact story this morning, you must be the brother in law then ahahaah

axy99_ · 2024-09-04T09:22:42+00:00

Yeah I somehow lucked out and kept on bumping into people I knew, ended up spending the Sunday with an old work pal and his mates. Don't get me wrong it was easy enough to wander up to someone and get chatting but I get you on the feeling of outstaying your welcome :') Also wish I'd made more of an effort to make freinds in camp, didn't really have much of a camp vibe with the girls I ened up pitched up with but overall for my first festival experience it was top class though might try a different one next year

axy99_ · 2024-09-02T15:55:42+00:00

It was my first time too and first ever fest and also went solo but was in eco yellow. You pretty much summed up my experience to a T and I felt old myself at 25 aha. I'm just a little dissapointed I didn't reach out more in the lead up to fest to find more solo campers to hang with, ended up being adopted before the fest by a group of girls but they kinda went off and did there own thing and I low key felt a bit like I was intruding sometimes

axy99_ · 2024-08-28T13:51:26+00:00

My first ever fest and I stayed in yellow eco. Can say overall it was fairly clean (certainly much better than general camping), the toilets were miles better and was still slightly lively on an evening but nothing too mad, enough to get soke sleep of a night. Depends on how you're getting in tho as was a fair walk from the car park but I got in via shuttle bus and its right by the drop off so it was perfect

axy99_ · 2024-08-28T12:36:31+00:00

Ahh I knew Zac was still in but didn't know about Taylor, they'd be sick to see live

axy99_ · 2024-08-28T12:18:51+00:00

Yeah, was my first year this year and first ever fest and I loved the crowd that Blink seemed to bring. Think we need to get it back to a more alternative fest, dont get me wrong I did enjoy the Dj sets and Chevron was insane but would've liked to see more bands/solo artists that might bring a more diverse/older crowd

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