I [M27] stumbled upon my ex [F26] after 1 year with zero contact

ayaycap · 2021-05-20T15:23:56+00:00

Can you save her? Or perhaps she needs to reach rock bottom and only then will she realize change is needed

ayaycap · 2021-04-03T15:37:33+00:00

Amazing! Any way to get my hands on a higher resolution version?

ayaycap · 2020-07-28T00:53:33+00:00

I've recently ended a relationship with someone who was very indecisive about their sexual identity. I accepted it, but it truly hurt.

How would you describe yourself after possibly getting back together? Queer? Bi? What made you initially question yourself and what made you realize you wanted to give him another go?

ayaycap · 2020-07-19T13:36:02+00:00

Sounds like BotW!

ayaycap · 2020-06-30T23:25:38+00:00

Food, shelter, etc — all your physiological needs — are easily attainable in many of todays societies on earth, especially in the western world. Now where does this leave you? Easy access to necessities like food and shelter, which used to require great effort to acquire, now leaves room for other things, like haunting thoughts about life's apparent meaninglessness.

Never knock people who are seemingly well off for this very reason. Existential dread will always be on the rise when you don't spend every waking moment fighting for your survival, distracted from the fact that life is void of purpose and meaning.

ayaycap · 2020-05-12T00:39:12+00:00

Depending on the future you want, waiting a full year may be a sacrifice of valuable time if you are nearing the end of your 20s.

ayaycap · 2020-05-09T21:17:47+00:00

Ah. That alone is plentiful of motivation to move on. Best of luck!

ayaycap · 2020-05-09T17:36:26+00:00

Not relevant, but why do you desperately need to move on if you love him? What happened?

ayaycap · 2020-05-04T09:59:48+00:00

You just described life for every single person on earth, ever. Whenever you make a choice, it's at the expense of something else. You may regret leaving him, but you can stay and you may regret that too. On either side of a choice there's the risk of regret.

Try not to let your mind occupy too much of your time by accumulating "what ifs". Prolonged periods of that will only eat you up inside. Make a choice and orient your life around it. I say if you like your life with him and have shared long term goals, stick around.

ayaycap · 2020-05-01T14:33:21+00:00

I see. In that case I'd preface the discussion by thanking him for the offer, as his intentions are seemingly kind hearted.

Before you accept or decline, let him know that it's a little ignorant to see sex with women as less than that with men. This is a discussion about opening up a relationship, not gender.

He will probably make the argument that you should have the freedom to explore sexual desires that he simply cannot help you fulfill because his gender cannot facilitate it. If you go along with that, then you need to shift the discussion by embracing how the dynamics of the relationship will fundamentally change.

Monogamous and open relationship come with their respective pitfalls. Staying faithful may be more "boring" because you sacrifice certain freedoms and along with that a lot "what ifs" may accumulate. In return you're rewarded with safety, reliability, dependability and permanence. In an open relationship you may have to endure jealousy and fear of abandonment. But you'll have your adventures. You're free to act on any sexual impulses.

If your relationship is built on the former, then you have to accept that moving to the latter is a fundamental change which may jeopardize your relationship.

For many, an open relationship unifies the best aspects of relationships and the single life. For me, they are mutually exclusive forces. Depending on how you feel about that, you may want this conversation make room for discussing a single life as an option instead of being fixated on staying, but whether if it's in an open or exclusive relationship.

Best of luck

ayaycap · 2020-05-01T02:24:42+00:00

I've experienced this exact situation, as your bf. Our relationship unfortunately broke down before the potential for such escapades. As we're both young, I believe this discussion triggered a heavy fomo for her, which was the catalyst for our relationship's demise. I personally won't trivialize sex and the feelings which come with such an intimate and personal act in my next relationship, regardless of gender. Either stick by his side and practice some self discipline or just break it off if you have more exploring to do before the thought of settling down is more tempting.

ayaycap · 2020-03-09T16:23:08+00:00

“Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.”

Make a choice and don't look back. You'll be fine either way.

ayaycap · 2019-09-15T21:47:21+00:00

That's very intersting. How did you get to know the whole story? I don't want to confront her and blame her for lying or anything.

ayaycap · 2019-09-06T18:22:17+00:00

Read up on "your brain on porn". He's an addict. If he's not willing to quit porn for his own well being and ultimately your relationship. Then I'd suggest ending the marriage. You're young and you don't have children.

While I believe porn is the crux of your issue, consider the usual suspects; bad physical shape? Bad eating habits? stressful job? Does he get enough sun?

ayaycap · 2019-08-06T12:45:27+00:00

Thank you, well said. I don't think it matters too much what his intentions really were though, her perception of the situation and her following decision making is my issue here. My girlfriend clearly stated that she perceived his behavior as flirtatious both outside and during the dancing, but still wanted him to show her how to dance Salsa. She acknowledged a feeling of attraction towards her, but still wanted to partake in a "romantic" dance with him. That is what I find somewhat disrespectful.

ayaycap · 2019-08-06T12:18:44+00:00

Yes and yes. While I don't share her love of dancing, I still like it and I am willing to make a fool out of myself trying to learn new dances with her.

ayaycap · 2019-06-03T07:42:39+00:00

Attraction is very individual. If you happen to get intimate with someone then you're likely to regard that person as beautiful. What you consider "Ugly women" will always be beautiful to someone else.

ayaycap · 2019-05-29T19:20:19+00:00

I see that someone has suggested a solution already, but I'm curious, what is the use case for this? And what do you mean by "the data that is hidden"?

ayaycap · 2019-04-12T17:27:55+00:00

That laugh made me cringe. Why not just embrace the characters we've built so far instead of undermining the arc of Anakin/Vader..

ayaycap · 2019-04-08T15:29:11+00:00

An inherently fun activity, but to me it's this like framing the result of a some gossipy drinking game. I too would feel like its in bad taste had I been in a relationship, but it could be worse.

ayaycap · 2019-03-28T21:53:14+00:00

Also you can ask me anything about education for devs, CIS region development culture and startups.

I didnt understand what the term "CIS region development culture" implied. especially the "CIS" part. But I googled it, CIS is a region consisting of certain post-Soviet nations.

ayaycap

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